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My husband was arrested 5 days before christmas for suspected posession of images and sharing images. I am still in complete shock. I've spent the last 3 weeks trying to keep him from committing suicide whilst realising I can't do this forever. I have 3 chidren who need me so I need to save my energy for them. For those of you who have had this experience what are the 5 most important things you need to do to get through the first few months?
1. This forum & LFF helpline to just listen and cry to
2. LFF inform course
3. A Stop so therapist (for you)
4. Support with the children so you get a break - family or babysitter
5. Him getting help in terms of his own therpist, SAA or similar
I am sure I will think of something else soon!!!
2. LFF inform course
3. A Stop so therapist (for you)
4. Support with the children so you get a break - family or babysitter
5. Him getting help in terms of his own therpist, SAA or similar
I am sure I will think of something else soon!!!
Hello Emma,
I'm so sorry you are here with us and I am pleased you reached out. First few days and weeks are so hard.. but it gets easier (even if not better.)
Try to take one day at a time. One school run, one cup of tea, one bubbly bath at the time, one foot in front of the other and you will be OK.
I had sought help from a family member for my husband as he was also suicidal but explained nothing. We placed him on some sort of makeshift suicide watch between us, we never left him alone for a few weeks.
Ask him to get in touch with stop it helpline, they are really good, non judging, so he has someone to talk to other than you about what has gone on.
Much love.
I'm so sorry you are here with us and I am pleased you reached out. First few days and weeks are so hard.. but it gets easier (even if not better.)
Try to take one day at a time. One school run, one cup of tea, one bubbly bath at the time, one foot in front of the other and you will be OK.
I had sought help from a family member for my husband as he was also suicidal but explained nothing. We placed him on some sort of makeshift suicide watch between us, we never left him alone for a few weeks.
Ask him to get in touch with stop it helpline, they are really good, non judging, so he has someone to talk to other than you about what has gone on.
Much love.
I'm sorry that you find yourself on here but you can be sure of support and understanding.
Ther is a very useful post on the understanding why section of this forum about negotiating the early days which I found really helpful.
Ther is a very useful post on the understanding why section of this forum about negotiating the early days which I found really helpful.
Hi Emma, I'm so sorry to know you are going through this awful trauma. I think the 5 top things for me were;
Seeking help from a GP for both me and my person, for both of us it meant starting medication but really did help.
Helping my person get psychotherapy, my person is my son and he remains in therapy 2years later.
Listening to Paula Hall's Ted talks particularly the 'we need to talk about sex addiction' one.
Telling my immediate family
Continuing to work.
I'm now 26 months post arrest and 4 months post sentencing and I can assure you things do get easier. I've finally started to learn to live one day at a time and that has been really helpful.
Seeking help from a GP for both me and my person, for both of us it meant starting medication but really did help.
Helping my person get psychotherapy, my person is my son and he remains in therapy 2years later.
Listening to Paula Hall's Ted talks particularly the 'we need to talk about sex addiction' one.
Telling my immediate family
Continuing to work.
I'm now 26 months post arrest and 4 months post sentencing and I can assure you things do get easier. I've finally started to learn to live one day at a time and that has been really helpful.
I'd say:
let your emotions out, have a good cry - yell and scream, don't try and bottle it up.
i never did, but seek help from outside if you feel you need to. Soak up any support that comes your way from understanding family or friends.
write your feelings down.
Be careful who you tell - if the worm turns (which it so easily can do) it'll add to your trauma and that's the last thing you need.
Try to give yourself a goal each day - a walk - a domestic chore, something that'll give you a small focus.
'Try' to take each day as it comes (this is the hard one, said with hindsight and not sure if I do this myself)! You cannot stop what the future holds. Quite often you can drive yourself nuts with overthinking and then the worst fears don't materialise So potentially a waste of energy.
most importantly remember the importance of this forum where your friends are here for you day and night. Xxxxxxx
.
let your emotions out, have a good cry - yell and scream, don't try and bottle it up.
i never did, but seek help from outside if you feel you need to. Soak up any support that comes your way from understanding family or friends.
write your feelings down.
Be careful who you tell - if the worm turns (which it so easily can do) it'll add to your trauma and that's the last thing you need.
Try to give yourself a goal each day - a walk - a domestic chore, something that'll give you a small focus.
'Try' to take each day as it comes (this is the hard one, said with hindsight and not sure if I do this myself)! You cannot stop what the future holds. Quite often you can drive yourself nuts with overthinking and then the worst fears don't materialise So potentially a waste of energy.
most importantly remember the importance of this forum where your friends are here for you day and night. Xxxxxxx
.
Hi,
It is an emotional roller coaster but you Will get through it.
My husband told me he was ready to step in front of a lorry due to the shame and hurt he was causing our family. The only thing that stopped him was i was with him...but it was a scary moment in my life....We got help from various sources GP etc and he talked to Stop it Now who were a godsend.
I didn't tell anyone about the situation so didn't really have anyone to talk to...i got private help with a counsellor to cry shout and get my emotions out there. It really helped me.
But I agree with the other comments...all you can do is take it one day at a time..
Sending hugs. X
It is an emotional roller coaster but you Will get through it.
My husband told me he was ready to step in front of a lorry due to the shame and hurt he was causing our family. The only thing that stopped him was i was with him...but it was a scary moment in my life....We got help from various sources GP etc and he talked to Stop it Now who were a godsend.
I didn't tell anyone about the situation so didn't really have anyone to talk to...i got private help with a counsellor to cry shout and get my emotions out there. It really helped me.
But I agree with the other comments...all you can do is take it one day at a time..
Sending hugs. X
Hi,
I am sorry that you find yourself on this forum but also glad you found it. There is a wealth of information on here and also so much personal experience. We are all at different stages of this horrific journey.
Find your person - the one you can confide in, best friend, family member. It helps being able to speak with someone without judgement.
I'll be honest here was my main support and a small number of friends and family. I had counselling after sentencing.
Just take one day at a time, that was literally all I could manage.
Also get a good solicitor, our legal representation was abysmal and we paid a high price both financially and with the quality of the defence.
We are all here for you, you are not alone. You're not the first nor the last sadly.
Cornish Tea xx
I am sorry that you find yourself on this forum but also glad you found it. There is a wealth of information on here and also so much personal experience. We are all at different stages of this horrific journey.
Find your person - the one you can confide in, best friend, family member. It helps being able to speak with someone without judgement.
I'll be honest here was my main support and a small number of friends and family. I had counselling after sentencing.
Just take one day at a time, that was literally all I could manage.
Also get a good solicitor, our legal representation was abysmal and we paid a high price both financially and with the quality of the defence.
We are all here for you, you are not alone. You're not the first nor the last sadly.
Cornish Tea xx
I mirror all of the above
Remember YOU have done nothing wrong
Tell those who you trust & can support you
Look for glimmers of light each day,amidst the darkness
Get a experienced solicitor & they will advise on a barrister if necessary
Write down your thoughts & divide into Hypothetical & Practical.
We can control some things but others are unknown & can fill us with worries.
i am so sorry that you have had to join this community,but you will find that it will be your constant support on this journey.
Take good care of yourself
Remember YOU have done nothing wrong
Tell those who you trust & can support you
Look for glimmers of light each day,amidst the darkness
Get a experienced solicitor & they will advise on a barrister if necessary
Write down your thoughts & divide into Hypothetical & Practical.
We can control some things but others are unknown & can fill us with worries.
i am so sorry that you have had to join this community,but you will find that it will be your constant support on this journey.
Take good care of yourself
1. Call the Lucy Faithfull helpline (we had to wait AGES) and ask all the questions whizzing round your head. We called together.
2. Get him to go on the Lucy Faithfull website and read/work through any modules on there. It helps to make a start on understanding and provides helpful focus & distraction in the traumatic early days.
3. Get him a therapist via Lucy Faithfull
4. Get him to do the Safer Lives course
5. Get your own therapist, get your own session with Safer Lives, ask him all the questions you want to ask.
He needs to know he's not alone and can talk to people who understand. You need to know the truth and understand what you're dealing with. The legal process takes ages - start the healing one now. You may or may not stay together, but you both need to understand why you're here and know there's a way forward. Everyone except the police have been brilliant with us. We await sentencing, but he has been completely honest with me and I have supported him and I'm so pleased he's getting the help he's probably needed all his life.
2. Get him to go on the Lucy Faithfull website and read/work through any modules on there. It helps to make a start on understanding and provides helpful focus & distraction in the traumatic early days.
3. Get him a therapist via Lucy Faithfull
4. Get him to do the Safer Lives course
5. Get your own therapist, get your own session with Safer Lives, ask him all the questions you want to ask.
He needs to know he's not alone and can talk to people who understand. You need to know the truth and understand what you're dealing with. The legal process takes ages - start the healing one now. You may or may not stay together, but you both need to understand why you're here and know there's a way forward. Everyone except the police have been brilliant with us. We await sentencing, but he has been completely honest with me and I have supported him and I'm so pleased he's getting the help he's probably needed all his life.