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We had "the knock" at the end of November.
I was absolutely shocked and bewildered by this. I have a 7yr old boy, and my life has been turned upsidown.
we were told that husband had uploaded a cat c image, and that the police had received "intelligence". Husband says he has no idea what he is supposed to have done, and has maintained this throughout. We've been together for 25 years, and I've been worried that he has been suicidal, but seems in a better place now several weeks on.
He was released on bail and told no unsupervised contact with under 18y, unless allowed by social services. The police gave us the impression that as would assess within a few days and hubby could return home. We are now nearly 2 months later with SS saying they would never allow husband home until the investigation was completed and I feel that they now think because I asked if they could assess him to come home they think I am not safeguarding my child.
I'm finding it very hard to accept that hubby has done something without being told exactly what it is he has supposed to have done, he doesn't seem to have a clue what he's done wrong either. The police searched our devices and we are waiting for forensics on his phone. Surely if he'd uploaded something it would have been found on his phone during the initial search? The police said to him they have no evidence at present, just intelligence, so it's all very vague and therefore very hard to accept. Then it seems like a huge jump to make that you go from being accused of an image to suddenly you can't be left alone with your son because there's potential for you to abuse him. I don't want to make any mistakes with my sons safety at all, and husband is living at his parents house and coming home for supervised contact, but it's a hard pill to swallow. I've been off work for 7 weeks with stress, and going back on reduced hours, luckily work is very supportive.
has anyone else been in a similar situation and forensics didn't show anything or am I clutching at straws?
how long does this go on for?
I won't carry on with the relationship if I find out he's done something, but don't want to throw my marriage away on a false accusation either, it's so confusing, also questioning whether the marriage can survive this regardless, but I can't even have this discussion with my husband as I'm so concerned about his mental health.
thanks for reading if you made it this far!
I was absolutely shocked and bewildered by this. I have a 7yr old boy, and my life has been turned upsidown.
we were told that husband had uploaded a cat c image, and that the police had received "intelligence". Husband says he has no idea what he is supposed to have done, and has maintained this throughout. We've been together for 25 years, and I've been worried that he has been suicidal, but seems in a better place now several weeks on.
He was released on bail and told no unsupervised contact with under 18y, unless allowed by social services. The police gave us the impression that as would assess within a few days and hubby could return home. We are now nearly 2 months later with SS saying they would never allow husband home until the investigation was completed and I feel that they now think because I asked if they could assess him to come home they think I am not safeguarding my child.
I'm finding it very hard to accept that hubby has done something without being told exactly what it is he has supposed to have done, he doesn't seem to have a clue what he's done wrong either. The police searched our devices and we are waiting for forensics on his phone. Surely if he'd uploaded something it would have been found on his phone during the initial search? The police said to him they have no evidence at present, just intelligence, so it's all very vague and therefore very hard to accept. Then it seems like a huge jump to make that you go from being accused of an image to suddenly you can't be left alone with your son because there's potential for you to abuse him. I don't want to make any mistakes with my sons safety at all, and husband is living at his parents house and coming home for supervised contact, but it's a hard pill to swallow. I've been off work for 7 weeks with stress, and going back on reduced hours, luckily work is very supportive.
has anyone else been in a similar situation and forensics didn't show anything or am I clutching at straws?
how long does this go on for?
I won't carry on with the relationship if I find out he's done something, but don't want to throw my marriage away on a false accusation either, it's so confusing, also questioning whether the marriage can survive this regardless, but I can't even have this discussion with my husband as I'm so concerned about his mental health.
thanks for reading if you made it this far!
So sorry that you have joined this club.
I can't answer all your questions but in response to some of them...
1) the intelligence in my husband's case was being alerted by twitter
2) how long it will take is not clear. My husband's case took 14 months from knock to sentencing
3) social services take ages to make decisions, there are some people on here who have been able to have their people move home before sentencing, I am not one of them.
the first weeks and months are awful, but be reassured that it does get easier. Reach out to your GP, the LFF helpline, Stopso counselling, the world according to the knock podcast. The LFF inform courses for offenders and friends and family were also really helpful to me and my husband.
the wonderful people on here are full of good advice, sorry I couldn't give you more
sending you strength and hugs
xx
I can't answer all your questions but in response to some of them...
1) the intelligence in my husband's case was being alerted by twitter
2) how long it will take is not clear. My husband's case took 14 months from knock to sentencing
3) social services take ages to make decisions, there are some people on here who have been able to have their people move home before sentencing, I am not one of them.
the first weeks and months are awful, but be reassured that it does get easier. Reach out to your GP, the LFF helpline, Stopso counselling, the world according to the knock podcast. The LFF inform courses for offenders and friends and family were also really helpful to me and my husband.
the wonderful people on here are full of good advice, sorry I couldn't give you more
sending you strength and hugs
xx
Hi, in my case the Police during the knock visit checked all our phones and tablets and found nothing.. Then just as they were about to leave they found one Cat A thumbnail photo. It was in the laptop as a cache file and OH had not ever opened it...
HOWEVER. That is no defence. The image was on the lap top and as such the law has been broken and OH was charged.
We then had 18 months to wait until the Solicitor was told what was included in the report following a forensic check of the lap top. Which then found a total of 5 images.
So be prepared for a long time of not knowing what (if any) the charge will be!
My OH was very very distressed too and I was very concerned about his mental health. You need to seek out help from wherever you can. Especially for yourself.
The best piece of advice OH was given by his arresting officer was to tell me everything! So when he came back from the station I found out that he had been using online porn and chat lines.
It was the best advice as we talked It all out over the next days. It was immensely important to me to help me see where I wanted to be within our marriage in the future.
It's a difficult time for you and each of our journeys are very different.. take one day at a time.
Use the Forum for support.
Sending hugs.
HOWEVER. That is no defence. The image was on the lap top and as such the law has been broken and OH was charged.
We then had 18 months to wait until the Solicitor was told what was included in the report following a forensic check of the lap top. Which then found a total of 5 images.
So be prepared for a long time of not knowing what (if any) the charge will be!
My OH was very very distressed too and I was very concerned about his mental health. You need to seek out help from wherever you can. Especially for yourself.
The best piece of advice OH was given by his arresting officer was to tell me everything! So when he came back from the station I found out that he had been using online porn and chat lines.
It was the best advice as we talked It all out over the next days. It was immensely important to me to help me see where I wanted to be within our marriage in the future.
It's a difficult time for you and each of our journeys are very different.. take one day at a time.
Use the Forum for support.
Sending hugs.
Hi,
Sorry you find yourself on here, so in our case police knocked and said they had intelligence that my OH had uploaded an indecent image onto the Internet. OH was in utter shock as we all were, it was dreadful. Whilst he was at the police station a mystery caller rang the house, to tell me that my life would never be the same again and that my OH had indecent images of children on his phone and that I should never let him near our kids unsupervised. !! Triage of our Internet came back clear and so did initial check of the phone. It was then sent to forensics. Bail was no unsupervised under 18s. Social services came and said low risk an didn't need to be involved. We were then bizarrely all allowed to go on holiday for 2 weeks in Turkey, then back to his rented flat when we returned. 6 months later the police rang an asked for 2nd interview. Forensics found no searches for anything illegal but found a few watsapp jokes that they decided were illegal, these were from a group including, friends, work colleagues and even family members.
Off to court and the headlines, man charged with making an possession of iioc, prohibited image an extreme pornography.
Work suspended him, thought he must be telling lies after what the media had printed.
At Crown the judge said, these look like watsapp jokes ! Then asked why my bail conditions didn't allow me to live at home. Said the images needed looked at again.
Independent report from an consultant firm, agreed the images were crude jokes and certainly not iioc. But CPS said they didn't agree. Judge asked why my OH was only person in the Doc if it was indeed from a watsapp group. All bail conditions removed, OH moved back in.
3rd time back to court, and cps had removed the majority of the images after deciding they were no longer illegal and dropped half the charges. Trial adjourned.
£25,000 spent so far in defence costs.
Been going on 2 years and god knows what will happen in the end. The police will stop at nothing to try and get a conviction, don't trust a word they say
Sorry you find yourself on here, so in our case police knocked and said they had intelligence that my OH had uploaded an indecent image onto the Internet. OH was in utter shock as we all were, it was dreadful. Whilst he was at the police station a mystery caller rang the house, to tell me that my life would never be the same again and that my OH had indecent images of children on his phone and that I should never let him near our kids unsupervised. !! Triage of our Internet came back clear and so did initial check of the phone. It was then sent to forensics. Bail was no unsupervised under 18s. Social services came and said low risk an didn't need to be involved. We were then bizarrely all allowed to go on holiday for 2 weeks in Turkey, then back to his rented flat when we returned. 6 months later the police rang an asked for 2nd interview. Forensics found no searches for anything illegal but found a few watsapp jokes that they decided were illegal, these were from a group including, friends, work colleagues and even family members.
Off to court and the headlines, man charged with making an possession of iioc, prohibited image an extreme pornography.
Work suspended him, thought he must be telling lies after what the media had printed.
At Crown the judge said, these look like watsapp jokes ! Then asked why my bail conditions didn't allow me to live at home. Said the images needed looked at again.
Independent report from an consultant firm, agreed the images were crude jokes and certainly not iioc. But CPS said they didn't agree. Judge asked why my OH was only person in the Doc if it was indeed from a watsapp group. All bail conditions removed, OH moved back in.
3rd time back to court, and cps had removed the majority of the images after deciding they were no longer illegal and dropped half the charges. Trial adjourned.
£25,000 spent so far in defence costs.
Been going on 2 years and god knows what will happen in the end. The police will stop at nothing to try and get a conviction, don't trust a word they say
So am I right in thinking your OH had to move out to allow no unsupervised access to your children?
Thanks so much for everyone taking the time to reply, it's a lonely place to be in. Went back to work today, which was hard because I disappeared of the face of the earth 7 weeks ago and everyone knows I was off but only my manager knows why. Have a couple of colleagues who know me very well who know im not really ok, but are kind enough not to ask intrusive questions, but I almost feel like im living a lie not telling them.
my husband has also admitted to watching pornography, but said in no way was he ever interested in looking at at children, and was traumatised by the police interview, particularly as he didn't have a solicitor because he said he hadn't done anything wrong and thought it was a misunderstanding.
Social services seem to think I am enabling my husband but having any thought or concern about him, but we were told by the police that SS would assess and as long as they felt there was no abuse in the household that he could return home, and we seem to have been greeted with not a chance in hell kind of stance. Trying to make sense of it and say the right thing to the right people is exhausting.
the financial cost of these things is crippling as well!
the WhatsApp thing bothers me, someone send you a message with a picture and because you opened it on your phone you're then a criminal... it's so unfair
Thanks so much for everyone taking the time to reply, it's a lonely place to be in. Went back to work today, which was hard because I disappeared of the face of the earth 7 weeks ago and everyone knows I was off but only my manager knows why. Have a couple of colleagues who know me very well who know im not really ok, but are kind enough not to ask intrusive questions, but I almost feel like im living a lie not telling them.
my husband has also admitted to watching pornography, but said in no way was he ever interested in looking at at children, and was traumatised by the police interview, particularly as he didn't have a solicitor because he said he hadn't done anything wrong and thought it was a misunderstanding.
Social services seem to think I am enabling my husband but having any thought or concern about him, but we were told by the police that SS would assess and as long as they felt there was no abuse in the household that he could return home, and we seem to have been greeted with not a chance in hell kind of stance. Trying to make sense of it and say the right thing to the right people is exhausting.
the financial cost of these things is crippling as well!
the WhatsApp thing bothers me, someone send you a message with a picture and because you opened it on your phone you're then a criminal... it's so unfair
Hi,
Yes in our case my OH had to move out do to bail conditions, that lasted 11 months, then bail got changed to unconditional on appeal.
My OH also agreed he had used his mobile device to look at pornography but had never looked at anything illegal. Thankfully the forensic examination confirmed that.
The fact you can be sent something on watsapp or any other app, Without any kind of request, then be classed as guilty is quite frankly scary. My OH had changed his watsapp settings to prevent these unrequested jokes/memes etc from going into his gallery and using up his phone memory. But unfortunately even if you don't save the images, they automatically stay within the watsapp app itself, unless you physically delete them. His mistake is that he didn't delete them, there was literally 100's of these daft videos sent within multiple groups he was part of, over a period of 3 years. But again the groups were with his friends, work colleagues etc.
I think it's completely unjust and that's why he's pleading not guilty. We have had the full support from everybody we've spoken to. Yes there were a few dreadful comments on social media when it was in the papers, but the majority of people once hearing the full story, back us 100%
Stay strong but tell your OH not to speak to the police without a solicitor in future.
Yes in our case my OH had to move out do to bail conditions, that lasted 11 months, then bail got changed to unconditional on appeal.
My OH also agreed he had used his mobile device to look at pornography but had never looked at anything illegal. Thankfully the forensic examination confirmed that.
The fact you can be sent something on watsapp or any other app, Without any kind of request, then be classed as guilty is quite frankly scary. My OH had changed his watsapp settings to prevent these unrequested jokes/memes etc from going into his gallery and using up his phone memory. But unfortunately even if you don't save the images, they automatically stay within the watsapp app itself, unless you physically delete them. His mistake is that he didn't delete them, there was literally 100's of these daft videos sent within multiple groups he was part of, over a period of 3 years. But again the groups were with his friends, work colleagues etc.
I think it's completely unjust and that's why he's pleading not guilty. We have had the full support from everybody we've spoken to. Yes there were a few dreadful comments on social media when it was in the papers, but the majority of people once hearing the full story, back us 100%
Stay strong but tell your OH not to speak to the police without a solicitor in future.
Hi AM, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Those first few days and weeks are just awful as you try to navigate your way through the trauma.
One thing I would say is that even though you are finding it hard to accept what your husband has been accused of, you'll need to reassure SS that you are taking it very seriously and are very anxious about the risk he may now pose to your children. In my persons case the police said they didn't think he was a risk to children. We repeated this to SS who then felt we were minimising what he had done and we're not taking the risk seriously.
Are you and your husband getting some support? If you haven't already done I recommend reaching out to your GP for support.
We are all here to support you so please don't ever feel alone. Sending you hugs and strength.
One thing I would say is that even though you are finding it hard to accept what your husband has been accused of, you'll need to reassure SS that you are taking it very seriously and are very anxious about the risk he may now pose to your children. In my persons case the police said they didn't think he was a risk to children. We repeated this to SS who then felt we were minimising what he had done and we're not taking the risk seriously.
Are you and your husband getting some support? If you haven't already done I recommend reaching out to your GP for support.
We are all here to support you so please don't ever feel alone. Sending you hugs and strength.
Clarkestaff - it's absolutely terrifying that someone can send you something and you end up labelled as a sex offender for receiving an image you didn't request! It's insane! How do you even manage that??
I can't believe how you can be arrested for one thing, they don't find anything to back that up, so they clutch at straws to nail something else on you!
Do you know when you have to go to court?
Ocean - that is exactly what seems to be happening! The police made out like we could have a quick chat with social services and they'd say hubby can come home, and he wasn't really a risk from the police point of view, but social services seem to think that because I asked if he could come home (as the bail conditions stated that he could have unsupervised access on social services approval) that i'm not taking it seriously.
they are going into school tomorrow to assess my child, I've spoken to the head of the school who is very supportive, and says they have no concerns whatsoever (which is a relief).
I went to the GP initially who was and is and absolute angel, he's so understanding and non judgmental, he signed me off work without question, and has supported me returning to work on reduced hours so I can sort out childcare! Went back yesterday, it was more emotional than I thought it would be. I did ask hubby to speak to gp, but I think Christmas was a huge issue for him, as SS wouldn't agree to us making any arrangements for him to stay for one night. I suggested that my child stay in bed with me, hubby stays downstairs, I said I could put a bell on the door which would wake me if someone came in, and the social worker told me I was being sarcastic!! which I was both furious and insulted by, as I was just trying to put something in place that would work for everyone! I am a senior healthcare professional and the fact that there seems to be no working with you, just dictatorial attitudes is very hard to deal with as this is not how I would deal with anyone in my care!
so anyway.... he was really down because of Christmas, but seems to be coping much better now.
thanks for the replies and support!
I can't believe how you can be arrested for one thing, they don't find anything to back that up, so they clutch at straws to nail something else on you!
Do you know when you have to go to court?
Ocean - that is exactly what seems to be happening! The police made out like we could have a quick chat with social services and they'd say hubby can come home, and he wasn't really a risk from the police point of view, but social services seem to think that because I asked if he could come home (as the bail conditions stated that he could have unsupervised access on social services approval) that i'm not taking it seriously.
they are going into school tomorrow to assess my child, I've spoken to the head of the school who is very supportive, and says they have no concerns whatsoever (which is a relief).
I went to the GP initially who was and is and absolute angel, he's so understanding and non judgmental, he signed me off work without question, and has supported me returning to work on reduced hours so I can sort out childcare! Went back yesterday, it was more emotional than I thought it would be. I did ask hubby to speak to gp, but I think Christmas was a huge issue for him, as SS wouldn't agree to us making any arrangements for him to stay for one night. I suggested that my child stay in bed with me, hubby stays downstairs, I said I could put a bell on the door which would wake me if someone came in, and the social worker told me I was being sarcastic!! which I was both furious and insulted by, as I was just trying to put something in place that would work for everyone! I am a senior healthcare professional and the fact that there seems to be no working with you, just dictatorial attitudes is very hard to deal with as this is not how I would deal with anyone in my care!
so anyway.... he was really down because of Christmas, but seems to be coping much better now.
thanks for the replies and support!
Hope the replies are helping,
We are now past the sentencing stage and have experienced similar, dare I say it, dogma from social services.
The court has sentenced and moved on but it's only the start from SS. I have been quite frustrated with the "one size fits all" approach. It feels to me that he is being punished again and having to show his regret and shame at every visit or they consider that he's not taking it all seriously. Which I can say we both are taking it all deadly seriously.
I then tried to understand from their perspective which is that they are short staffed, huge workloads, responsible for the safety of children and if they did anything wrong and missed a threat and a child was hurt that would be horrid and all over the press!
So we smile and continue on wishing the next 20 months away.
As said many times before. It's all a waiting game and we will all get through it with everyone's support.
X
We are now past the sentencing stage and have experienced similar, dare I say it, dogma from social services.
The court has sentenced and moved on but it's only the start from SS. I have been quite frustrated with the "one size fits all" approach. It feels to me that he is being punished again and having to show his regret and shame at every visit or they consider that he's not taking it all seriously. Which I can say we both are taking it all deadly seriously.
I then tried to understand from their perspective which is that they are short staffed, huge workloads, responsible for the safety of children and if they did anything wrong and missed a threat and a child was hurt that would be horrid and all over the press!
So we smile and continue on wishing the next 20 months away.
As said many times before. It's all a waiting game and we will all get through it with everyone's support.
X
Thanks for taking the time to reply, hope it all starts to feel better for you soon x
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Think your cases sound similar to mine.
OH was arrested a few weeks ago. They had intelligence he had 1 Cat C image on an app linked to his email address.
We both know there's nothing in his photo gallery. The only device is his mobile. He's no access to any other devices.
We've no idea why or how it's there, plus he deleted the app 6-12 months ago as he barely used it and needed space on the phone.
OH was arrested a few weeks ago. They had intelligence he had 1 Cat C image on an app linked to his email address.
We both know there's nothing in his photo gallery. The only device is his mobile. He's no access to any other devices.
We've no idea why or how it's there, plus he deleted the app 6-12 months ago as he barely used it and needed space on the phone.