Family and Friends Forum

So sorry you find yourself here... xxxx

Sorry that you find yourself here, and well done on your own recovery.

the reasons behind offending are complex; there are some really useful posts in the understanding why section here.



you might also find this helpful



https://wix.to/pjqf9PN?ref=2_m_cl



(I hope the link works).



if you search on the forum there are also lots of daughters who have posted and they might be able to help give you guidance too.



sending hugs to you xx

Hi

I'm a daughter who has gone through something quite similar.

I don't think it is wrong to stay in contact, but also not wrong that your sisters don't want anything to do with him. I think the key is listening to what you want to do.

My dad has been a good dad for me and yes while it is insanely hard to deal with all of this. I just remember that the good dad can coexist with the bad things he has done. I don't neglect what he has done, but decided on not cutting the bond that we have. I think you need to decide for yourself what you want to do with it.

I think it is also okay to cut contact if the hurt is too big, these are not your mistakes to carry. They are his and he made his bed. I just maybe selfishly decided that I wanted my dad in my life, albeit differently.

It is a hard thing to do, especially as a daughter. Part of the hurt was accepting that my dad who was my hero, is just a flawed person. But I don't hate him for his flaws. Same as for my mom who is also an alcoholic. They are just people with flaws.

Hello,

I'm sorry you've found yourself on this forum but you've found a great place for advice and support.

Personally I'd say do what feels right for you. If you want to keep contact then keep contact. Yes it's terrible for family but it's also terrible for the offender. After decades it must've been a huge shock for him so I imagine he is very down and being alone won't change anything for him or change what's hes done. Do what you want to do, neither reaction is wrong or right xx

I think my advice would be to respect everybody's 'take' on the difficult situation we find ourself in, but also - do whatever gives you peace.

i know many people would be mortified with no understanding of why I've carried on a relationship with my son. But I cannot live my life any other way I'm afraid..... I have MY reasons, they have theirs.

Many ladies on here are feeling all sorts of dilemmas in their attempts to move forward - that's why I find this forum so amazing to be in touch with people that support each other and totally understand.

Honestly you just need to do what feels right for you. No one else is living your life nor has to live with the decision you make. Many of us on here have chosen to stand by our person as we can see beyond the offences, while definitely not minimising them. Best of luck sweetheart and I'm so sorry you find yourself here xx

Lots of wise words here with nobody telling you what you should or must do (wouldn't life be easier if there was a highway code for this that we all had to follow!?)

Just to say that, although we don't know your dad's motivations for offending, the advice to read up on the possible reasons why is very enlighening and might give you an idea of possibly why, although never an excuse as we all make our own decisions in life so he is fully responsible for whatever he did. If your dad would agree to therapy he may well discover for himself but that's his journey and not for you to feel any responsibility for.

I'm guessing that this is extra hard for you after your mum's death where perhaps you saw your dad as the solid trustworthy one, but as others have said, he is still that dad alongside this new horrible thing.

And lastly, well done for your own strength about not comforting yourself with alcohol at this tricky time - hope you have some ongoing support with that for yourself.

It's common to feel that we have to be black and white over decisions like yours with your dad, but actually you can hold both staying and leaving alongside each other until such time as you know more firmly what you want to do - keep in touch but put boundaries in place until you know more. And you may find that your sisters mellow towards the situation as time goes by, although maybe not, so many unknowns and maybes in this situation and I'm really sorry you find yourself here xx

Hi, this link should help:

https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/magistrates-court/item/possession-of-indecent-photograph-of-child/