Not coping
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Dont think I can support him. I feel like Im letting him down though but then he's let me and everybody else down but is that something I should be helping him through? What if he relapses and does something to himself? I love him still but I hate what he has 'become'.
10 days ago he was my soulmate, my fiance, my one and only now he is something else, somebody who has taken our lives away from us, destroyed friendships, relationships with family, his job, losing us our home, our wedding. When I see him now and he gives me a hug before he leaves, I feel guilty for hugging him back I feel like I should be pushing him away completey but I still love him. But I can only stand to have him home for very short periods
Im so mixed up
10 days ago he was my soulmate, my fiance, my one and only now he is something else, somebody who has taken our lives away from us, destroyed friendships, relationships with family, his job, losing us our home, our wedding. When I see him now and he gives me a hug before he leaves, I feel guilty for hugging him back I feel like I should be pushing him away completey but I still love him. But I can only stand to have him home for very short periods
Im so mixed up
Ruby, in the early days your emotions will be all over the place. I would just give you one piece of advice, well maybe two, take your time with any decisions there is no rush and you may change your mind about him constantly. That's why it's important just to let things ride until you feel you are coping better. The other thing I would say is ring the help line, come on here, make sure you have some support somewhere.
Take care of yourself and maybe you need a time away from him to help you with the decisions you need to make. I am staying with my husband for now, all the while he is addressing his behaviour. But I know I am strong enough now to go my own way if it doesn't work.
Sending a big your way. Xx
Take care of yourself and maybe you need a time away from him to help you with the decisions you need to make. I am staying with my husband for now, all the while he is addressing his behaviour. But I know I am strong enough now to go my own way if it doesn't work.
Sending a big your way. Xx
Ruby I'm sending you love.
It's very, very early days for you. Your emotions are all over the place.
Have you called the helpline? Maybe think about speaking to your GP? I'm on a course of anti depressants and they have helped me enormously. I know they arnt for everyone.
We will get through this. The helpline are fantastic.
Thinking of you. Xxx
It's very, very early days for you. Your emotions are all over the place.
Have you called the helpline? Maybe think about speaking to your GP? I'm on a course of anti depressants and they have helped me enormously. I know they arnt for everyone.
We will get through this. The helpline are fantastic.
Thinking of you. Xxx
Should have said sending a big hug your way. Xx
Hi Ruby,
I know exactly how you feel and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s horrendous. I’m 5 months in now and I said up front that I wouldn’t make any decisions quickly and while I was so emotional. I still don’t know whether or not we have a future together - I love him so much, but I don’t like him right now. I’ve had a tough week and this is the first time I’ve genuinely felt that we have no future, but again I’ve decided not to make a decision until the emotions are less raw and I feel in control of my choices.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to choose your future right now. He is the one who jeopardised your future together, so you just need to take your own time and be sure that - stay or leave - whatever you decide is what is right for YOU. Xx
I know exactly how you feel and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s horrendous. I’m 5 months in now and I said up front that I wouldn’t make any decisions quickly and while I was so emotional. I still don’t know whether or not we have a future together - I love him so much, but I don’t like him right now. I’ve had a tough week and this is the first time I’ve genuinely felt that we have no future, but again I’ve decided not to make a decision until the emotions are less raw and I feel in control of my choices.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to choose your future right now. He is the one who jeopardised your future together, so you just need to take your own time and be sure that - stay or leave - whatever you decide is what is right for YOU. Xx
Hi Ruby
I'm a month in from the knock (no charges yet) and have opted to try and support my partner through this. I don't believe he is a bad man even if he has done this dreadful thing. On the night it happened my first instinct was to refuse to allow him home to be honest, but I realised he would have nowhere to go and no support from anyone else so decided to at least try. I know it won't be easy. There are painful conversations to be had and there will be much uncertainty I'm sure. Maybe it won't work out but I'm just taking a day at a time and trying not to over-think or worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet. It is still early days so don't feel under pressure to make any major life decisions while things are so raw, you could feel differently in a few months.
Remember that it's easier to burn a bridge than build one!
Take care and go easy on yourself xx
I'm a month in from the knock (no charges yet) and have opted to try and support my partner through this. I don't believe he is a bad man even if he has done this dreadful thing. On the night it happened my first instinct was to refuse to allow him home to be honest, but I realised he would have nowhere to go and no support from anyone else so decided to at least try. I know it won't be easy. There are painful conversations to be had and there will be much uncertainty I'm sure. Maybe it won't work out but I'm just taking a day at a time and trying not to over-think or worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet. It is still early days so don't feel under pressure to make any major life decisions while things are so raw, you could feel differently in a few months.
Remember that it's easier to burn a bridge than build one!
Take care and go easy on yourself xx
Hi Ruby,
I can't really advise apart from to echo what all of the other ladies have already said. I am unsure of what your husband to be has done, but it is normal to feel how you do. I was only posting last week that I had become numb and this week I feel better. It changes weekly.
I am sticking with my husband for now (he has been honest as far as I am aware and has taken steps to address his behaviour) and even 2 months in, after a day together (we have kids so he can't live here) I am grateful for my time to regroup my thoughts. It does destroy your life as you know it, but there is a new normal that comes from it.
If I can give any advice, it would be to take one day at a time and not to have too many expectations on yourself. Take time to look after yourself.
Sending hugs xxx
I can't really advise apart from to echo what all of the other ladies have already said. I am unsure of what your husband to be has done, but it is normal to feel how you do. I was only posting last week that I had become numb and this week I feel better. It changes weekly.
I am sticking with my husband for now (he has been honest as far as I am aware and has taken steps to address his behaviour) and even 2 months in, after a day together (we have kids so he can't live here) I am grateful for my time to regroup my thoughts. It does destroy your life as you know it, but there is a new normal that comes from it.
If I can give any advice, it would be to take one day at a time and not to have too many expectations on yourself. Take time to look after yourself.
Sending hugs xxx