Bad timing?
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We're 10 months in to this horror show, waiting on devices to be checked which all seems to take forever. We have a small child but husbands bail conditions means he can't stay in the house overnight - as long as we're sticking to those conditions, social services aren't involved and are waiting on the outcome of the investigation before getting involved.
I've only been in my job a year, but they've been great and flexible with allowing extra homeworking etc so I can manage childcare. I've just been offered another job at an incredible company with double the salary which would be life changing but it's a huge role with a longer commute, an expectation to travel a bit a few nights a month and far more time in the office than homeworking.
It's enough money that I could afford babysitters for the extra commuting and office time, but the monthly travel I don't have a solution for as I can't leave my child overnight. I would have jumped for joy a year ago, today when I was offered it, I burst into unhappy tears.
I have to turn this job down don't I?
Over the next few months, social services will probably enter my life, I'll need to be able to attend whatever meetings they say and I might be to be extra present for my child.
Has anyone else been here? What did you do? What would you do if you were me?
I've only been in my job a year, but they've been great and flexible with allowing extra homeworking etc so I can manage childcare. I've just been offered another job at an incredible company with double the salary which would be life changing but it's a huge role with a longer commute, an expectation to travel a bit a few nights a month and far more time in the office than homeworking.
It's enough money that I could afford babysitters for the extra commuting and office time, but the monthly travel I don't have a solution for as I can't leave my child overnight. I would have jumped for joy a year ago, today when I was offered it, I burst into unhappy tears.
I have to turn this job down don't I?
Over the next few months, social services will probably enter my life, I'll need to be able to attend whatever meetings they say and I might be to be extra present for my child.
Has anyone else been here? What did you do? What would you do if you were me?
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No, my family live abroad and my in laws work full time any live 40 minutes away.
I so feel for you. Its so hard balancing work and all the time we have to commit to our children. My company is techically at a point when it should be really growing and successful. But I have spent the last year in this nightmare and its been impossible to be successful too. I have decided to let things tick along for a year and then renergise my career when things settle a bit more. I am a bit resentful about it but I need time with my son and sorting out divorce, house move etc. even if this new job doesn't work out for you, your time with come
I'm so sorry that this job opportunity has come at such an impossible time but would really caution you about taking on too much at such a sensitive time. You still have a lot of emotional hurdles ahead as you're still in the investigative phase, so you still have charges, court, outcomes to deal with (like us) and adding to that a new job, new responsibilities, childcare worries, SS involvement......I'm not sure I could cope. I know that sounds very gloomy but as the mum of adult daughters as well as our son who's the offender, it's what I would say to my girls if they asked in a similar circumstance. It sucks, it's hugely disappointing and yet another way that the family suffers because of the actions of our person.
Also as we are heavily involved with SS and Child Protection, triggered by our son but also because of problems with his ex, we have experienced what it's like having social services in your life and that's with a wonderful SW who is really understanding and helpful. Anything where it looks as if you're putting your own wants before that of your child can cause a few raised eyebrows and although I know your child will always come first (after all, people accept new jobs all the time with a family!) at the moment anything which hints of anything else just might be seen as a negative.
I may well delete this post as it feels a bit harsh but I'll finish by saying that in my quite long life I've had big disappointments and I can honestly say that looking back if whatever hadn't happened had happened I would have missed something even better coming along in the future.
Hope this hasn't upset you - sending a big warm motherly hug your way!!
Also as we are heavily involved with SS and Child Protection, triggered by our son but also because of problems with his ex, we have experienced what it's like having social services in your life and that's with a wonderful SW who is really understanding and helpful. Anything where it looks as if you're putting your own wants before that of your child can cause a few raised eyebrows and although I know your child will always come first (after all, people accept new jobs all the time with a family!) at the moment anything which hints of anything else just might be seen as a negative.
I may well delete this post as it feels a bit harsh but I'll finish by saying that in my quite long life I've had big disappointments and I can honestly say that looking back if whatever hadn't happened had happened I would have missed something even better coming along in the future.
Hope this hasn't upset you - sending a big warm motherly hug your way!!
Thank you for your honesty, it's what I've been telling myself too - this isn't my time right now, it's about surviving and my child and my time will come later.
I rejected the offer this morning, regretfully and painfully, but I don't need to invite more stress into my life at this point in time.
I rejected the offer this morning, regretfully and painfully, but I don't need to invite more stress into my life at this point in time.
Hi Livingnightmare, I am sorry that you had to make such a difficult choice but I do think you've made the right decision.
My person is my son who returned to live with us on the day of his arrest. As my life changed to accommodate SS involvement and the provision of supervised contact I made the difficult decision to take early retirement and then to return to work part time in a less well paid job.
Having now gone through sentencing and come out the other side, I don't regret my decision and know it was the right thing to do for the circumstances I found myself in at the time.
My person is my son who returned to live with us on the day of his arrest. As my life changed to accommodate SS involvement and the provision of supervised contact I made the difficult decision to take early retirement and then to return to work part time in a less well paid job.
Having now gone through sentencing and come out the other side, I don't regret my decision and know it was the right thing to do for the circumstances I found myself in at the time.