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Joanna

Member since
August 2019

4 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 11:11amReport post

Hello everyone. I'm so shocked because this happened today. They took my fiance to ask him questions. They searched our house, took electric devices. And that's ok.

I understand. I just can't understand that my little boy won't be now allowed to see his daddy for at least 4 weeks. We can't live together. I'm left alone with a 4 months old baby. I know that's how it should be when it's gonna happen to be true but if his not guilty it seems so unfair.

It's overwhelming. Don't really know what to think. I'm praying that it's some kind of mistake. He's the only one who earns money. House mortgage is on him. I don't know what I'm going to do if he's guilty ????

Maria

Member since
September 2018

286 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 1:35pmReport post

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, the shock is overwhelming. I remember the day the police came like it was yesterday. Do you know what hes accused of doing. Has he been released from police station yet. The police explained a lot to me which I know they dont always do and also called later in the day to check I was ok and to tell me what was happening. Hopefully you will have chance to talk to the police and your partner later on today. My partner asked the police to tell me about his offence of sexual communication when they returned him home. Not a pleasant experience but it's better to know from the police. Is it the police that have said he cannot see the kids for 4 weeks? He wont be able to live at home but may be able to see the kids depending on what hes accused of. I know it seems unfair but the most important thing is for children to be kept safe and they dont know that right now so all they can do is stop contact or have access supervised. Social services will be I contact with you in a day or two and will advise further on contact etc. In a way it's good to have the space even though it didn't feel like it at the time. Take things slowly, I know I was in a major panic the first day but theres nothing you can do until you know more. If you haven't called the helpline it's worth doing they are amazing and very knowledgable. It took me a while to call them but I'm glad a did. You are not alone I this and everyone on this forum is here for you.

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 2:46pmReport post

Hi Joanna

This is the worse group to belong to but the support you will find is second to none and the helpline is amazing.

On day one your head is all over the place, I even went to work which looking back was crazy!!

You will be feeling so many different emotions and it's hard to deal with them, all I can suggest is that you look after yourself, make sure you are looked after. Is there anyone you feel that could help you and won't judge?

Try to ring the helpline, their advice is invaluable. You're such a new mum too and may need help with your son. Please just try and be kind to yourself and try not to do too much too soon.

This process could be a very long while unfortunately so maybe even contact your GP in the next few days to just get yourself on their horizon.

Keep coming on here, ask questions and also read what's already here, it will help, you will get through this even though it probably doesn't feel that way at the moment

Take care xx

Partner

Member since
July 2019

221 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 8:46pmReport post

Hi Joanna,

The support on here is amazing. We are all in the same boat and no one understands as much as each other. I'd advise you call the helpline as they are a great support too.

It's 4 weeks today since I had the knock and I remember exactly how you feel. All I can say is 4 weeks later and things have calmed down for me and life has regained some normality. I've had SS round and that's over.

Reach out on here, please. We will keep you strong.

Hugs x

Joanna

Member since
August 2019

4 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 8:58pmReport post

Tracy, Partner, thank you for your messages.

He's accused of sexting minor. And he did it ????

It's like a double slap for me. He did this once, few months ago with an older woman. I treat this as a chitting. He promised it won't happen ever again. Happened. With some kind of teen girl.

Even though he knew she was young ( but apparently forgot about her age as he was chatting with few others women) he did what he did.

I'm not even angry just soo disappointed. Don't know what to think.

Joanna

Member since
August 2019

4 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 9:01pmReport post

Maria, thank you for your message too!



I'm wondering what I could tell at helpline as I really don't know what's in my head right now. I'm so good in locking down all of my emotions that I don't really know what I feel. Is this normal?

Partner

Member since
July 2019

221 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 9:04pmReport post

Your emotions will be all over the place. This is normal, don't worry. My only advice is too try and keep yourself busy, let your emotions out. Go with them and please know your not alone. We've got your back. I'm sorry you have to join us but the support on here is amazing and has got me through. Xxx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 11:31pmReport post

Hi Joanna,

So sorry to hear you have joined our awful club. We are full of nothing but love and support though. I am 3 months post knock today. I can remember the day like it just happened. I can say that for the first couple of weeks I felt numb. My emotions then went from angry to sad and upset, to worrying about my husband, round and round a never ending rollercoaster of emotions. They do settle though. I think this it's why it's important to to rush any decisions. Give yourself plenty of time. It's a lengthy process in most cases. In the early days you just need to make sure you look after yourself and your little man. Your partner got himself into this and where you may want to support him, remember you come first, you did nothing wrong.

Sending a big hug and love your way. Keep coming on here, there is always someone to listen to you. Xx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 11:33pmReport post

Should day it's important not to rush any decisions.