Family and Friends Forum

We don't ever admit defeat, we are strong and determined and we remain dignified whatever the thoughts of others. Admitingly, it is a battle none of us want to have and for many will be the hardest one we will ever have to endure, we remain focused on ourselves and those we love and want to protect (whoever that may be), we wear our coats of armor and we don't give in to pain, hurt, disbelief, gossip, shock, estrangement and whatever else this vile process throws at us. Stay strong, stay positive, get help and support from those positive people around you also your GP, LFF and of course all the warriors on this forum who are living this nightmare.
Lots of virtual love and strength to you to keep going.

Love Katie xxx

I think we can all admit to having days when we feel completely exhausted and overwhelmed by the situation we've found ourselves in. During those times we need to be reminded that things will eventually get better and that we will somehow get through this.

I like to picture the dark times like the sky. The sky is blue. When dark clouds fill the sky the sky is still blue. It doesn't matter what darkness temporarily impedes your view, that bright blue sky is always there, just above the clouds. The clouds will pass and once again you'll be able to see the bright blue sky.

We're here for you, holding you up and walking with you when you feel like admitting defeat.

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I love Oceans description of the sky and yes we all have times where it feels so overwhelming that we can't see how things will ever be better. I'm three and a half years from the knock and can honestly say that it does get easier. Would I give everything to go back to my old life oblivious to this world I've been thrown into? Absolutely I would but that isn't an option.
It may help you to try and look at each problem on an individual basis rather than everything all at once. I can't remember your story but if you are struggling with relationships, childcare, ss involvement, dealing with other people's views, financial worries etc then trying to break it down might make it easier to find help for each area.

I remember in the weeks following his arrest having a complete breakdown crying on the kitchen floor because my toilet was leaking. Obviously, this isn't something that would have floored me quite literally if I was looking at it as an individual problem but in that moment I couldn't find a way to resolve it because of where I was emotionally. Be kind to yourself and know that you don't own all the problems in the world. One step at a time you will absolutely come through this. You are not alone xxx

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That is so sad that the church is judging him...what a slap in the face..good on you going to support him and take no nonsense.

We never told a soul about OH's crime and sentencing and this has helped albeit at times it was very isolating.

We are over the worst but still living with the fallout.

Keep positive as much as you can. There is always support here from us lot of inspiring strong women.

X

The church will be folllowing their own safeguarding policy as they have a responsibility to ensure the safety of everyone. Following their policy will mean that your person is protected as well as everyone else. Hopefully this will be done respectfully and confidentially and in a way which doesn't make him feel judged.

I really hope things work out well for you both.

I'm so pleased to see your update this morning in turmoil. In childhood I was part of a church with my parents and it was truly a group of non judgmental, genuinely nice people. I was hoping your OH had found somewhere like that. It gives me hope that we might find somewhere similar when we're ready xxx

I'm so glad you had a positive meeting, InTurmoil.

Sadly for us, after many happy years at a church in our former home where we knew how safeguarding was handled (very much risk-assessed and seriously but in a nonjudgmental way and with support for the offender), we expected a similar reaction at our new church. But without going into detail, that didn't happen, and it's left us rather bruised and our son understandably thinking he's no desire to go to church ever again! We are absolutely not the kind of people who get annoyed or offended easily (especially my husband), but this floored us and to be honest it's put us off trying to find a new church family locally as it feels too risky. So I'm glad it doesn't have to be that way. When it's working properly church can be a wonderful support and refuge so maybe we need to try again!

Hi to all

My priest has returned from a month away,so I 'look forward' to talking to him tomorrow & pouring my heart out. He knew about my son's arrest from two years ago & December sentencing. Unfortunately I now have to seek his confidential support on what has happened since. This is for my wellbeing & faith,my son does not attend.

I thank God for my catholic community.

I'm so pleased Inturmoil that the meeting was positive and that your OH has found a church he feels comfortable enough to attend.

From my own experience you may find that your OH will need to go through the safeguarding process again after sentancing. After plea hearing and sentancing my person was told he would need to have another risk assessment done before he could attend the church. Due to the fact that his case was in the media and everyone knows what he did, he doesn't feel he could face anyone there anyway so for now that isn't an issue.