Family and Friends Forum

Hi all, I’ve been lurkinking here for a while, but never posted. I am 8 months post knock and no further forward, as part of my husbands bail conditions he is not allowed to come to the house or have any contact with our children. We eventually managed to get supervised FaceTime contact, but I am told by the social workers there is nothing they can do as it would be seen as interfering in a police investigation. The police say the social workers need to do their jobs, I am left doing everything alone for 3 children. Our youngest was only 5 months at the time of the knock, my oldest is autistic. My middle child is very emotionally sensitive and has had a hard time with the loss of his father, it feels like a sudden death, he went to work one day and never came home. My autistic child finds sudden change particularly difficult and his brother and I are often the targets of his meltdowns. I am told there is no emotional support available to them due to their ages.

Im trying to keep it all together, managing the stress that motherhood and special needs brings, not to mention having a new baby on my own. I know no one well enough to confide in them as due to my husbands job we have moved around a lot. My family live over seas and have some pretty serious problems to deal with of their own over there so are not in a position to come help me out. All I want is to go home (back to the country I grew up in) and it’s eating up inside that if I do my children will lose their father forever. He is a good person who did a bad thing, he was a wonderful father. I am trying to wait until he is charged and goes to court to make my decision whether to give up my immigration status and go home or not, but we are 8 months in and no further forward. In fact a couple of weeks ago more devices were seized from him. I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of all this and all anyone can say to me is “your so strong”. I don’t feel strong, I’m tiered, I’m tired of treading water. I hate this. Sorry I just needed to vent. I just feel so angry lately. I hope someone here can relate.

Thanks to the both of you. I guess I just feel angry and resentful that he gets to walk away with no responsibility for the kids, for the house, for the garden, for dealing with social services etc. It all falls on me, we just bought a house before he was arrested and had started to do it up, it’s now in a bit of a state as I can not finish it on my own and he is not allowed home. He will lose his career so I will have to sell it by myself and move us all by myself, it just really pisses me off that he does not have to deal with any of the fallout from this mess he has created. I really just want to go home, I want the support of my mum and dad, he gets to have the support of his parents and I don’t, which further frustrates me. I feel selfish for wanting to leave because I know that it will mean the end of my children ever having any sort of relationship with their father and they don’t deserve that. They’ve done nothing wrong, and yet now they would pay the ultimate price, losing a parent. I just don’t know that I can do that to them, they adore their father and do not understand why he won’t come home. It breaks my heart. I feel like an awful parent whatever I choose, as staying here doing it all alone means I will miss most if not all school functions for the rest of their school days, it will mean having a depressed mum. Will I ever stop crying everyday? It’s been 8 months, the longer it goes on the worse I get. I feel fed up of dealing with the bureaucracy of the police and social services.