Family and Friends Forum

This is an interesting thought. I'm in a different position to you as my son is the offender but I'm hoping that the message I will be giving to his children (my grandchildren) is that I will love them and be there for them no matter what they do.

I'd like to think for people you love, and are committed to, there is reasonable level of love and forgiveness. The subject, and reasoning may be all grey, and personal. Relationships are complicated. There is no right or wrong. This doesn't mean you are defending someone's actions, agreeing with them, not thinking much of it. You just love them despite their wrongdoing and you are willing to help them and support them change their behaviour going forward. I don't think you are giving your teenage daughter a message in it, you are living your life the way you see fit, making decisions that align with your mind and heart and if there is a message, I hope she gets that her life is hers to live and her decisions are hers to stand by.

For me it's a lesson that if you are brave, tell the truth, face up to consequences, and do your best to put things right, you can be forgiven.

There's also lessons about being able to make your own choices, and your own choice is to stay and other people's opinions won't force you to change your mind; you will do what you believe is right

I think there's also lessons about unconditional love

I think there's also a point to be made somewhere about how we all lie at points, we can all mislead, omit truths etc. no one is perfect and no one goes through life without making any mistakes.

Of course there are counter arguments, I'll let other people post those

I echo everything already said and also believe that unless you have walked this path you can't possibly understand. The views of your Sister are not coming from the same travelled path as you x

I hope my children feel they have choices in their relationships. I hope that they understand that behaviour does not define a person and that you should love the sinner and hate the sin.



they have learnt about accountability and rehabilitation. They have learned about unconditional love.

We have also been forced to be very open with our children which means that they are much more open about their feelings.



They have also seen the damage that is caused by such behaviors and so will avoid it themselves.



those are the messages that I hope I send my children

This is a very interesting thread. My older children will have learned a lot about action and consequence. That our actions impact others greatly. We are not obligated to have anyone in our lives but that we should respect other people's choices to have them in their lives in whatever way they choose.
Although they've not been around to see it I hope that they are learning about conflict resolution and how we should continually work to be better versions of ourselves in order to have good relationships with others. This is something I talk with them about often, I suppose in my head it gives them an understanding of why I am entertaining the idea of a future with a man who turned our lives upside down.

They are young adults now and have relationships of their own so I would like them to know that no situation is impossible to recover from and they have a huge support network. They know about the dangers of the world in a more in depth way than I ever did before all of this and for me taking away the power of fear and secrecy around this and many other subjects I hope I am setting them up to be well rounded individuals that look out for vulnerable people in every area of their lives. My daughter takes women on their own under her wing and into her friendship group on nights out and makes sure everyone gets home safely and together. My son travels home with his girlfriend and then back to ours to ensure her safety. Both of them have been honest with their friends about what's happened so that's another two groups of young people who know of the repercussions of crimes like this and also the dangers of sending pictures of themselves or others.
I think it's key that when talking to teenagers we don't sugarcoat things and don't necessarily speak of things in terms of love as they have little concept of this within relationships outside of family bonds. For me it was more appropriate for me to explain that although he has caused me sadness and hurt he has also made me happy and helped me previously to grow as a person. I personally feel that bringing love into it clouds their judgement of what they will and won't accept in the name of love. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, obviously you all know your children well and will explain your own thoughts to them in whatever way you deem appropriate. This post just made me think about conversations I've had with my older ones. Not much idea of how I will explain it when little one gets older as she hasn't known any different to our current situation xxx

So so many thoughts and opinions resignate with mine on this thread. I hope one day my closest will understand the stance I've took on keeping my relationship going with my son.

Ill never forgive his crime and impact BUT I feel he deserves at least one chance and I know he's a good man.

You should feel proud you have took this stance and your children will most definitely learn from and become more rounded people.

As we've all learnt, especially on this journey life is not black and white......... we've given the ultimate level of love in the hardest of circumstances.

This is correct.



I'm pregnant with his baby. The moment I found out he knew said girl was 13, I knew I was out. Not a chance I'm raising a child to have anything to do with him. Also it happened a year before meeting me and just went to court. The lies were too much. I switched my feelings off straightaway and realised this man was not who I thought he was, he's sexually attracted to children and a liar.



I always think of the manic street Preachers song "if you tolerate this then your children will be next"