Just found out my partner lied to me the whole time we were together.
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He and his whole family lied to me. He told me he was in court for a fight and I ONLY find out after his case was sent to Crown court. It happened before he met me, he let me move into his flat an hour away from my town, he willingly got me pregnant, I lent him £3k to pay off his car, I was so so so good to him and now bc I absolutely am NOT staying with a peadophile, I am homeless and will be a single mumma at almost 40. I won't be getting my money back as he's turned nasty bc I left him.
I keep thinking about the fact I'm carrying his child. I know it's not the baby's fault. I'm just so lost. How could I not have known.
He has plead guilty, he knew she was 13 and was very graphic and it wasn't just a short conversation. I can't believe I didn't know what a monster I was with. I'd downgraded with him, thought I was having a nice quiet life. My trust in men is forever broken.
He is having NOTHING to do with my child. I'll fight to the end of earth and back to protect my bubba. I'm just really struggling right now.
I keep thinking about the fact I'm carrying his child. I know it's not the baby's fault. I'm just so lost. How could I not have known.
He has plead guilty, he knew she was 13 and was very graphic and it wasn't just a short conversation. I can't believe I didn't know what a monster I was with. I'd downgraded with him, thought I was having a nice quiet life. My trust in men is forever broken.
He is having NOTHING to do with my child. I'll fight to the end of earth and back to protect my bubba. I'm just really struggling right now.
Anyone?
Just wanted to let you know I've read your post and I'm so sorry you're feeling so betrayed and with good reason. I know there are others on this forum who have felt exactly as you do and I'm sorry nobody has replied yet. Have you read the post specifically about these early days which is a few posts down on the 'understanding why' forum here? it has lots of good advice from partners who know how you're feeling. As the mum of an offender it's a bit different for me .
All I would say is don't necessarily assume the 'p' word describes your ex partner as it applies to a very specific condition, although the media use it for anyone in these circumstances. That's not to try and make the offence less serious as of course it's terrible but there can be many reasons for someone to go down this rabbit hole and not be that word. The Lucy Faithfull website and their helpline has lots of info to help us process all of this, which feels like the worst place ever and this forum can be a lifesaver too for support and help.
I hope you can find some support in your pregnancy and keep as well as you possibly can. Sending a virtual hug your way.
All I would say is don't necessarily assume the 'p' word describes your ex partner as it applies to a very specific condition, although the media use it for anyone in these circumstances. That's not to try and make the offence less serious as of course it's terrible but there can be many reasons for someone to go down this rabbit hole and not be that word. The Lucy Faithfull website and their helpline has lots of info to help us process all of this, which feels like the worst place ever and this forum can be a lifesaver too for support and help.
I hope you can find some support in your pregnancy and keep as well as you possibly can. Sending a virtual hug your way.
Hi Jadey,
You have every right to be angry, for his actions and the deceit. We don't call offenders P word in this forum - as that is a terminology for exclusive interest in minors.
I'm really sorry, for what you are going through, we all have stories echoing each other, sometimes pregnancies and kids are involved, sometimes the offender is our(adult or minor) child. We are here for each other and will be here for you. It's a really difficult journey but you aren't alone. You will get through this.
Nobody sets out to be a single mother, but some of us end up a single parent, or end up single parenting while supporting the offender (not supporting the actions, but supporting the recovery.)
I have no doubt you will find a balance in your life that serves you and your baby the best. There will be social worker involvement. Right now, are you settled into a safe accomodation ? Do you have a birth plan and that includes a different birth partner ? Focus on what's near and immediate, and try to keep your healthy and stress levels at bay.
I am pregnant too, it helps me to think by the time by baby is blowing his birthday cake candles at 10, this will all be an event of the past, there will be so much joy from now until then, despite all. You may reach out to any of us privately, I'm sure all the ladies would agree!
You have every right to be angry, for his actions and the deceit. We don't call offenders P word in this forum - as that is a terminology for exclusive interest in minors.
I'm really sorry, for what you are going through, we all have stories echoing each other, sometimes pregnancies and kids are involved, sometimes the offender is our(adult or minor) child. We are here for each other and will be here for you. It's a really difficult journey but you aren't alone. You will get through this.
Nobody sets out to be a single mother, but some of us end up a single parent, or end up single parenting while supporting the offender (not supporting the actions, but supporting the recovery.)
I have no doubt you will find a balance in your life that serves you and your baby the best. There will be social worker involvement. Right now, are you settled into a safe accomodation ? Do you have a birth plan and that includes a different birth partner ? Focus on what's near and immediate, and try to keep your healthy and stress levels at bay.
I am pregnant too, it helps me to think by the time by baby is blowing his birthday cake candles at 10, this will all be an event of the past, there will be so much joy from now until then, despite all. You may reach out to any of us privately, I'm sure all the ladies would agree!
The use of the P word is banded about but only relates to a small number of men. What was your partner charged with and was was his sentence. Sometimes gaining knowledge of these crimes makes you see things in a different light (and there's plenty of knowledge on the forum) and by speaking to the help line.
Jadey - just to add that 3 of us have now mentioned your use of the 'p' word and I wanted you to know we didn't mention it to make you feel told off so please don't avoid the forum as it's such a good place to get help and support.
Jade, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. How dare he trick you into believing that you could have a normal life.
I hope that you and your baby get far away from him x
I hope that you and your baby get far away from him x
My heart goes out to you.
Just concentrate on you and your baby.
You have every right to be angry. You weren't just lied to by your partner but his family too.
There are many reasons why people offend. Unfortunately sometimes it's very difficult to know when or if someone is the P word or if there were other reasons for the offending.
Not all people who commit these crimes are the P word, however there are some people that are and there in lies the problem.
Social services may be involved. However you could also choose not to put his name on the Birth certificate. This would mean without him taking you to court he has no parental rights.
God knows I'm hindsight, this is what I wish I would have done but my story is not one I want to tell.
He would then have to apply to the court to be registered as the father.
From a legal point of view if he is on the BC regardless of what crimes someone has committed, family court prefer for there to be some sort of contact between child & parent unless there are very serious safeguarding risks. There are options like supervised contact centres or letter contact only.
I hope that helps in some way.
Please reach out for help on this forum. It is a lovely supportive place.
You could also contact circles for tailored therapy relating to these type of crimes or give the LFF help line a call.
Just look after you and little one & give yourself time to heal.
X
Just concentrate on you and your baby.
You have every right to be angry. You weren't just lied to by your partner but his family too.
There are many reasons why people offend. Unfortunately sometimes it's very difficult to know when or if someone is the P word or if there were other reasons for the offending.
Not all people who commit these crimes are the P word, however there are some people that are and there in lies the problem.
Social services may be involved. However you could also choose not to put his name on the Birth certificate. This would mean without him taking you to court he has no parental rights.
God knows I'm hindsight, this is what I wish I would have done but my story is not one I want to tell.
He would then have to apply to the court to be registered as the father.
From a legal point of view if he is on the BC regardless of what crimes someone has committed, family court prefer for there to be some sort of contact between child & parent unless there are very serious safeguarding risks. There are options like supervised contact centres or letter contact only.
I hope that helps in some way.
Please reach out for help on this forum. It is a lovely supportive place.
You could also contact circles for tailored therapy relating to these type of crimes or give the LFF help line a call.
Just look after you and little one & give yourself time to heal.
X
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