Adult son
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My first knock was 10 years ago my adult son was arrested for having images, but was released with no charges. Forward to last February another knock this time arrested and charged for images and grooming.
Apparently he started again during lock down. He has now been charged and has a court date next month. He still lives at home extremely shy and never had a relationship. No friends never goes out unless it's work. He has a job which he loves.
My oldest son has his own home and family wants nothing to do with him, which makes getting together very hard. His step mother also don't want anything to do with him so now he can't go to see his dad anymore.
We've managed to keep it from everyone else even my youngest adult son who still lives with us.
I'm so worried how the extended family are going to react after sentenceing.
I am so stressed, trying to keep everything together and putting on a false face for everyone. I'm trying to keep his spirits up as he was suicidal when first arrested, he has since been put on anti depressiants, but it so exhausting. I am dreading the outcome and the knock-on effects from the sentence.
Is there a possibility that the results will not be published or are all results published.
Sorry for the long post.
Many thanks for reading
Apparently he started again during lock down. He has now been charged and has a court date next month. He still lives at home extremely shy and never had a relationship. No friends never goes out unless it's work. He has a job which he loves.
My oldest son has his own home and family wants nothing to do with him, which makes getting together very hard. His step mother also don't want anything to do with him so now he can't go to see his dad anymore.
We've managed to keep it from everyone else even my youngest adult son who still lives with us.
I'm so worried how the extended family are going to react after sentenceing.
I am so stressed, trying to keep everything together and putting on a false face for everyone. I'm trying to keep his spirits up as he was suicidal when first arrested, he has since been put on anti depressiants, but it so exhausting. I am dreading the outcome and the knock-on effects from the sentence.
Is there a possibility that the results will not be published or are all results published.
Sorry for the long post.
Many thanks for reading
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place to get support. Have you spoken to the helpline yet? It may be good for you and your son to make contact with them so they support you both through this.
It is good to hear that your son has a job that he really enjoys. I am just thinking with what you have said that he has no friends and quite shy, has he always been like this whilst growing up? I am wondering if him being shy has lead him down the path of using the internet to try and connect with other people and has gone down this dark path...
It must be particularly hard for you keeping this from your younger son who still lives with you. Some members on the forum find it very beneficial to speak with their GP, to see if they can support you in anyway.
I am thinking of you and your son.
It is good to hear that your son has a job that he really enjoys. I am just thinking with what you have said that he has no friends and quite shy, has he always been like this whilst growing up? I am wondering if him being shy has lead him down the path of using the internet to try and connect with other people and has gone down this dark path...
It must be particularly hard for you keeping this from your younger son who still lives with you. Some members on the forum find it very beneficial to speak with their GP, to see if they can support you in anyway.
I am thinking of you and your son.
Sorry your here with us.. please be kind to yourself in the early days it will help i promise.. xx
Lost
I am so sorry you have found yourself here, if I read your post correctly this is the second time you have been on this horrendous journey? My heart really does go out to you, I am here because of my son also
Please reach out to us and also to the helpline for both you and your son
How is he? and how are you ? X
I am so sorry you have found yourself here, if I read your post correctly this is the second time you have been on this horrendous journey? My heart really does go out to you, I am here because of my son also
Please reach out to us and also to the helpline for both you and your son
How is he? and how are you ? X
Hi Lostmom, I sorry to read your story and am glad you've felt able to reach out on here for support. My person is my adult son too, so I can relate to how hard the past 12 months have been for you both with the trauma, sadness and fear that this journey brings.
There is always the possibility that the media will not publish your sons case. There are people on here whose person has escaped the media. Unfortunately my son was not one of those and his case was published twice, once after plea hearing and the second time after sentencing. Fortunately we had already told the people that mattered and knew who was standing with us and who had decided they needed to walk away.
It sounds as if you're trying so hard to support your son and I did exactly the same for mine but who do you have supporting you? You need to be kind to yourself and look after you so that you have the strength and resilience to keep going.
I'm sending you and your son a big hug and wishing you the best possible outcome.
There is always the possibility that the media will not publish your sons case. There are people on here whose person has escaped the media. Unfortunately my son was not one of those and his case was published twice, once after plea hearing and the second time after sentencing. Fortunately we had already told the people that mattered and knew who was standing with us and who had decided they needed to walk away.
It sounds as if you're trying so hard to support your son and I did exactly the same for mine but who do you have supporting you? You need to be kind to yourself and look after you so that you have the strength and resilience to keep going.
I'm sending you and your son a big hug and wishing you the best possible outcome.
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My son too, says that his viewing of IIOC began in lockdown. I would like to believe him. He lived alone,only mixed with others at work & us.
He was in a good relationship with his siblings who were living away from our area,while he remained close by. Despite attempts to make him socialise,his various disabilities became a barrier.
We srtand by him, but are having to mediate with our other adult children.
Every day brings more complications.
Even sentencing,SHPO & Community Service have not been straightforward.
This forum is a lifeline to me.
He was in a good relationship with his siblings who were living away from our area,while he remained close by. Despite attempts to make him socialise,his various disabilities became a barrier.
We srtand by him, but are having to mediate with our other adult children.
Every day brings more complications.
Even sentencing,SHPO & Community Service have not been straightforward.
This forum is a lifeline to me.
Thank you all so much for your kind replys. I do have a very supportive husband who is helping me through all this. My son is very depressed at the moment which is understandable now we know a court date. He has got himself a solicitor who are waiting for files from the police. He is due to go to magistrate court and will plead guilty. Will the judge then decide punishment on that day or will he need to go back to court again. Many thanks.
Hi Lostmom, your son will probably have to go to Crown court for sentencing after pleading guilty at magistrates court. There have been a few cases on here when the sentence has been done at magistrates court but generally these type of offences are moved on to crown court.
Lostmom
I would advise preparing any supporting documents to support your son's case. We wrote a two page document emphasising isolated adolescence due to disability,supportive family,difficulties with expressing himself & communication. Stable job for six years etc.
Anything you can think of that is seen as 'mitigating '
There is a lot of information on this site & through the helpline.
I would advise preparing any supporting documents to support your son's case. We wrote a two page document emphasising isolated adolescence due to disability,supportive family,difficulties with expressing himself & communication. Stable job for six years etc.
Anything you can think of that is seen as 'mitigating '
There is a lot of information on this site & through the helpline.
Hi Lostmom - I'm so very sorry about your situation and anxiety for your son. I do hope you can access some support, whether through your GP or a trusted friend as well as your husband (him too).
My understanding of court is that it does depend on what's being dealt with as any offence which could exceed the maximum custodial sentence that magistrates are allowed to impose (I think it's 2 years) has to go to Crown after the plea hearing. For our peoples kind of offence if you read the sentencing council guidelines, that is reached quite easily which is why so many are referred to Crown. Not to say that that sentence would be the one handed down, as mitigating factors still have influence......
My understanding of court is that it does depend on what's being dealt with as any offence which could exceed the maximum custodial sentence that magistrates are allowed to impose (I think it's 2 years) has to go to Crown after the plea hearing. For our peoples kind of offence if you read the sentencing council guidelines, that is reached quite easily which is why so many are referred to Crown. Not to say that that sentence would be the one handed down, as mitigating factors still have influence......
EPB
can I asked what kind of evidence did you get together to support yours sons case was it health problems, character defence etc thank you
can I asked what kind of evidence did you get together to support yours sons case was it health problems, character defence etc thank you
Hi Abby
re our son's pre sentence report
As our son is registered disabled,we gathered all original medical diagnosis reports,dyslexia diagnosis & final EHCP (educational statement)
We included the strength of family ties,to show that he would be supported. Unfortunately by the time of sentencing,he had lost his job & had to leave independent flat & move back home.
We also included the voluntary work that he had done in the community & how well regarded he was.
These are all considered as mitigating circumstances. You can find this on the LFF website or through talking to the helpline.
Good luck
re our son's pre sentence report
As our son is registered disabled,we gathered all original medical diagnosis reports,dyslexia diagnosis & final EHCP (educational statement)
We included the strength of family ties,to show that he would be supported. Unfortunately by the time of sentencing,he had lost his job & had to leave independent flat & move back home.
We also included the voluntary work that he had done in the community & how well regarded he was.
These are all considered as mitigating circumstances. You can find this on the LFF website or through talking to the helpline.
Good luck
Hi, you may have already been in touch with them, but if not, I can highly recommend 'Safer Lives'. They were set up by former probation officers with significant experience and specialism in this area, and a key focus is on supporting and making positive changes to the mental health and wellbeing of offenders/perpetrators/those being investigated.
An extract from their website gives a good summary:
"Have you been arrested for offences involving indecent images, sexual communications, voyeurism, or indecent exposure? Do you feel overwhelmed and isolated? Whether you've been released on bail, are under investigation, or awaiting court dates, know that you're not alone. We offer independent and non-judgmental advice and guidance tailored to your individual situation. Our one-to-one services give specialised welfare and behavioural support, helping you gain clarity and move forward in a way that is safe for you and others."
In my experience they are very very caring and knowledgeable. Wishing you luck, strength and serenity.
An extract from their website gives a good summary:
"Have you been arrested for offences involving indecent images, sexual communications, voyeurism, or indecent exposure? Do you feel overwhelmed and isolated? Whether you've been released on bail, are under investigation, or awaiting court dates, know that you're not alone. We offer independent and non-judgmental advice and guidance tailored to your individual situation. Our one-to-one services give specialised welfare and behavioural support, helping you gain clarity and move forward in a way that is safe for you and others."
In my experience they are very very caring and knowledgeable. Wishing you luck, strength and serenity.