Struggling with anniversary of the knock
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Next week marks a year for me since the knock. The impending anniversary is having a big emotional effect on me. My ex has was sentenced last October, so in a way I am lucky it was relatively quick. But I feel a year of this is really taking its toll on me. Keep crying all the time and having intense memories of that awful morning. I am going through a painful divorce, supervising visits (which i hate), dealing with incompetent social workers, supporting my anxious son and working full time. Our house is also on the market as my ex got sacked and is now retired. He has the luxury of time to himself to recover whilst i am keeping all the wheels turning. I still feel like i am living off andrenine all the time and my anxiety is awful. I am having counselling but now wonder if i need medication. I feel like it is all catching up with me and I may have a breakdown. I just want a fresh start, a new home and some sense of peace again
Bless you AnxiousM - I feel your pain, you are going through one hell of a time and it sounds like everything is being thrown at you.
At the moment everything feels like crap but (hand on heart) you will get through this and glimmers of hope and a new beginning will shine through, as things get sorted out. It can only go this way, you accept your life won't be the same as it was - and will find the strength to rebuild and move on. Without knowing it, you get optimism back in your life.
I've quickly forgot those dreaded anniversaries - there's only one I pinpoint as it falls on a family members birthday - it's all very vague for me.
All I can suggest is yes, have a good cry and get that sadness out, then attempt to store it away in your mind. Move on to do something nice for yourself, even if it's to eat an humungous cream cake....... or go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air.
My sister was told in councilling treat your mind as a car park of thoughts. You can think about an event then park it up and walk away. Yes the car that holds the thought is still there and you can return to it, but for the moment you've walked away.
Not sure if that makes sense or helps. I so wish you well on this early Saturday morning xxxxx
At the moment everything feels like crap but (hand on heart) you will get through this and glimmers of hope and a new beginning will shine through, as things get sorted out. It can only go this way, you accept your life won't be the same as it was - and will find the strength to rebuild and move on. Without knowing it, you get optimism back in your life.
I've quickly forgot those dreaded anniversaries - there's only one I pinpoint as it falls on a family members birthday - it's all very vague for me.
All I can suggest is yes, have a good cry and get that sadness out, then attempt to store it away in your mind. Move on to do something nice for yourself, even if it's to eat an humungous cream cake....... or go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air.
My sister was told in councilling treat your mind as a car park of thoughts. You can think about an event then park it up and walk away. Yes the car that holds the thought is still there and you can return to it, but for the moment you've walked away.
Not sure if that makes sense or helps. I so wish you well on this early Saturday morning xxxxx
It's a horrible feeling, I remember being petrified every Thursday morning incase someone came again. The one year mark was horrible but out two year mark we had ss closer so it made it alot better. We're a few months off our third anniversary of knock now and hopefully it will just be like any other day. It will get better try and do something nice for yourself treat yourself do whatever you feel you can. It's just a day after all and you know nobody will be knocking xx
Hi Anxious - I totally get that one year anniversary and for us personally it wasn't a knock, just a CallerIDWitheld number on my phone from the police asking if our son could come to us. I appreciate how much more acute the memory for you must be.
I think we're all different over dates - I can't now remember the exact date my mum died suddenly which was another traumatic event in my life, whereas a cousin still messages me every year to say she's thinking of me. So Smile saying she doesn't really remember the date any more is true but it will take time. I love her analogy about car parks - I'm an overthinker/worrier and was once told to have an imaginary shelf in my mind where I put unhelpful worries, knowing they were there but just in storage until I wanted to look at them again. The car park idea is even better as who hangs around the car whn it's parked? - we walk right away from it for a while, whereas my shelf came with me wherever I went :)
You have such a lot on your plate at the moment both practical and emotional. Just off the top of my head, is there someone else who can supervise in your place for a while just to spare you the extra hassle/pain of that? And I would thoroughly recommend the medication route being on the verge of asking myself as lots of people on here would testify that it's really helped. It's not a weakness and won't get in the way of you doing life safely, it will just take the edge off the anxiety.
All the best for the future - after that horrlible date the poignancy of 'this time last year we were so happy'' will be over which is small comfort I know but it helped me to know that despite the way things are right now, I don't have to relive that dreadful day ever again.
xxxx
I think we're all different over dates - I can't now remember the exact date my mum died suddenly which was another traumatic event in my life, whereas a cousin still messages me every year to say she's thinking of me. So Smile saying she doesn't really remember the date any more is true but it will take time. I love her analogy about car parks - I'm an overthinker/worrier and was once told to have an imaginary shelf in my mind where I put unhelpful worries, knowing they were there but just in storage until I wanted to look at them again. The car park idea is even better as who hangs around the car whn it's parked? - we walk right away from it for a while, whereas my shelf came with me wherever I went :)
You have such a lot on your plate at the moment both practical and emotional. Just off the top of my head, is there someone else who can supervise in your place for a while just to spare you the extra hassle/pain of that? And I would thoroughly recommend the medication route being on the verge of asking myself as lots of people on here would testify that it's really helped. It's not a weakness and won't get in the way of you doing life safely, it will just take the edge off the anxiety.
All the best for the future - after that horrlible date the poignancy of 'this time last year we were so happy'' will be over which is small comfort I know but it helped me to know that despite the way things are right now, I don't have to relive that dreadful day ever again.
xxxx