So many questions
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Hi,
Yes by situation is slightly similar.
My partner (now ex) apparently blames a dodgy link. However I haven't heard from him since the knock. The police tell me it's to do with a Twitter account.
He isn't the father of my children, or lived with me, however being my partner was enough to immediately be referred to children's services who telephoned me the next day.They are also in touch with my children's father as he has PR although my kids live with me.
Children s services came round, met me and met my kids. They are happy and have closed the case. This is, more than likely because I immediately ended my relationship with me ex and he is on conditional bail and cannot contact me or my children.
I was distraught at first and missed and loved my ex partner so much. However as time has gone on, it's 5 weeks today since the knock, I am relieved I chose to end it and am happier for it. I am fortunate however as we had no joint finances etc. So my situation is easier than most I imagine.
I am in regular touch with my children's father and he knows everything. My dear was he would want custody of my kids.
I have satisfied everybody, police, children's services and my ex husband that my children's safety comes first and my relationship is over.
It seems 50/50 in terms of people who go and people who stay, each for their own unique reason s and circumstances. No judgement either way..
Good luck with it all x
Yes by situation is slightly similar.
My partner (now ex) apparently blames a dodgy link. However I haven't heard from him since the knock. The police tell me it's to do with a Twitter account.
He isn't the father of my children, or lived with me, however being my partner was enough to immediately be referred to children's services who telephoned me the next day.They are also in touch with my children's father as he has PR although my kids live with me.
Children s services came round, met me and met my kids. They are happy and have closed the case. This is, more than likely because I immediately ended my relationship with me ex and he is on conditional bail and cannot contact me or my children.
I was distraught at first and missed and loved my ex partner so much. However as time has gone on, it's 5 weeks today since the knock, I am relieved I chose to end it and am happier for it. I am fortunate however as we had no joint finances etc. So my situation is easier than most I imagine.
I am in regular touch with my children's father and he knows everything. My dear was he would want custody of my kids.
I have satisfied everybody, police, children's services and my ex husband that my children's safety comes first and my relationship is over.
It seems 50/50 in terms of people who go and people who stay, each for their own unique reason s and circumstances. No judgement either way..
Good luck with it all x
Ps, children's services didn't tell my children. They said they wanted to meet them because my ex partner had done something wrong and asked them how they felt about him. It was done in a fantastic way. I do believe I have had it easy with all services though because I have ended my relationship. Someone else may have different advice in terms of how they are, what the say if you stay together.
I haven't told my children (except my eldest 14, in an age appropriate way). They know he was arrested, they know the relationship is over and they know they must tell me if he tries to contact me or they see him. They have all taken it remarkably well.
Xx
I haven't told my children (except my eldest 14, in an age appropriate way). They know he was arrested, they know the relationship is over and they know they must tell me if he tries to contact me or they see him. They have all taken it remarkably well.
Xx
Hi Soconfused,
I am so sorry to hear of your current situation and sorry you have had to join this 'club' as so many call it. You will have lots of emotions and please keep coming on here fore support. It is a great help, so many lovely ladies who don't judge.
We are now nearly 3 months in since my husbands arrest and unfortunately although he originally said he was innocent, 24 hours later he admitted that he had viewed. I am sure that some are innocent, but afraid I can't be one of them to say this.
Regarding access to the children, I assume he was living with you and bailed to another address? There were restrictions for my husband not to be around children without an assessment from social services, and to be honest I personally would not have allowed unsupervised access even if it was allowed as he had admitted it to me. They came out to do an assessment and really just want to check that you are going to put your child's safety as first priority whilst also being aware that your partner could be a risk to them. This is hard to swallow as no one knows your partner like you do.
My daughter is 9, and she has not been told. As far as she is aware he has to go and look after a poorly relative and social services were happy for this. They assessed and was happy that I would put both my daughters emotional as well as physical and mental wellbeing first. They allowed supervised access to her for 3 hours per week in the community.
By law they are not able to tell your child's dad, only that he had been arrested and that childrens services are involved. I asked for a few days to tell him myself what had happened as the alternative was her dad possibly not trusting me (we have always maintained a healthy relationship for my daughters wellbeing adlnd the truth appeared a better alternative to half a story). It was the hardest thing I have ever had to tell anyone. I expected the kicking off and him to say he didn't want her anywhere near him. He didn't, he was very understanding and saw past his error, and fully trusted my judgement and for me to safeguard. I am not saying that all would be the same, but he will have questions with the little info ss will give him anyway. I will also point out that my stepdaughter (hubby's biological) was able to gain supervised access much quicker than his stepdaughter. They are considered less risk if they are your own. I did state he's known her since she was 6 months old and considers her equally his, but still took 3 weeks longer than his daughter. Our case has just been closed by ss and will reopen when he is charged. In the meantime its supervised access in a public place.
I am sorry I can't shed much happy news, and sending you lots of hugs xxxx
I am so sorry to hear of your current situation and sorry you have had to join this 'club' as so many call it. You will have lots of emotions and please keep coming on here fore support. It is a great help, so many lovely ladies who don't judge.
We are now nearly 3 months in since my husbands arrest and unfortunately although he originally said he was innocent, 24 hours later he admitted that he had viewed. I am sure that some are innocent, but afraid I can't be one of them to say this.
Regarding access to the children, I assume he was living with you and bailed to another address? There were restrictions for my husband not to be around children without an assessment from social services, and to be honest I personally would not have allowed unsupervised access even if it was allowed as he had admitted it to me. They came out to do an assessment and really just want to check that you are going to put your child's safety as first priority whilst also being aware that your partner could be a risk to them. This is hard to swallow as no one knows your partner like you do.
My daughter is 9, and she has not been told. As far as she is aware he has to go and look after a poorly relative and social services were happy for this. They assessed and was happy that I would put both my daughters emotional as well as physical and mental wellbeing first. They allowed supervised access to her for 3 hours per week in the community.
By law they are not able to tell your child's dad, only that he had been arrested and that childrens services are involved. I asked for a few days to tell him myself what had happened as the alternative was her dad possibly not trusting me (we have always maintained a healthy relationship for my daughters wellbeing adlnd the truth appeared a better alternative to half a story). It was the hardest thing I have ever had to tell anyone. I expected the kicking off and him to say he didn't want her anywhere near him. He didn't, he was very understanding and saw past his error, and fully trusted my judgement and for me to safeguard. I am not saying that all would be the same, but he will have questions with the little info ss will give him anyway. I will also point out that my stepdaughter (hubby's biological) was able to gain supervised access much quicker than his stepdaughter. They are considered less risk if they are your own. I did state he's known her since she was 6 months old and considers her equally his, but still took 3 weeks longer than his daughter. Our case has just been closed by ss and will reopen when he is charged. In the meantime its supervised access in a public place.
I am sorry I can't shed much happy news, and sending you lots of hugs xxxx
Apologies I must add having read below, I informed my children's Dad and since then they have kept him up to date separately. I thought it was better for me to tell him than to find out that ss were involved with his kids, but like above I have a good relationship with my kids Dad so was easier to do. I was petrified of his reaction, however I needn't have been. You just need to ensure that you are protecting your children for all agencies. I have no idea if my ex is innocent or not sadly so can't help with regards to that.
Please do use the help line as well as coming on here. The support is fantastic. X
Please do use the help line as well as coming on here. The support is fantastic. X
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Post deleted by user
Hi,
So sorry for the delay, we have been moving house.
I told my daughter that they were coming to see if we were coping OK without him here as we were used to him being every day and mommy working. Plus she has Type 1 Diabetes, so to see if we were OK with that too.
Regarding the law, the social worker said they legally couldn't tell the reason why due to confidentiality. Not sure what law would cover that, but couldn't and didn't tell him.
Hope that helps xxxx
So sorry for the delay, we have been moving house.
I told my daughter that they were coming to see if we were coping OK without him here as we were used to him being every day and mommy working. Plus she has Type 1 Diabetes, so to see if we were OK with that too.
Regarding the law, the social worker said they legally couldn't tell the reason why due to confidentiality. Not sure what law would cover that, but couldn't and didn't tell him.
Hope that helps xxxx
Hi Soconfused
I am sorry your new partner received the knock. I believe the police have to already have enough evidence to get a magistrates order to enter the property.
My other half also admitted he was guilty but I have read that this reduces the sentence straight away, if found guilty?
Your priority will be your children and if you want to believe your partner I would see him without your children for now. Your ex husband would have a right to be angry.
We are also in early days but the social services will get involved if your partner wishes to be involved with your children. I have read they can be quite hard on the protected parent if they remain with the person under investigation.
It could take a year to reach a conclusion or even longer. This will not be easy and you have to decide what is best. I have decided that my child is priority and would not let my now ex back.
You are in an awful situation, as you seem to have doubts that he is guilty. I feel for you.
I am sorry your new partner received the knock. I believe the police have to already have enough evidence to get a magistrates order to enter the property.
My other half also admitted he was guilty but I have read that this reduces the sentence straight away, if found guilty?
Your priority will be your children and if you want to believe your partner I would see him without your children for now. Your ex husband would have a right to be angry.
We are also in early days but the social services will get involved if your partner wishes to be involved with your children. I have read they can be quite hard on the protected parent if they remain with the person under investigation.
It could take a year to reach a conclusion or even longer. This will not be easy and you have to decide what is best. I have decided that my child is priority and would not let my now ex back.
You are in an awful situation, as you seem to have doubts that he is guilty. I feel for you.
I just wanted to join to say that no decision fits for every circumstance and there is no right or wrong. Also, no decision is final. I’m still with my partner but that’s not to say we’ll be together forever. He’s told me his version of events and has been honest with me (as far as I know. I may be proved wrong, but I don’t know that yet). I’ve made the decision to not make a decision, as paradoxical as that sounds! I’m not making any decisions about our future until I have the full picture. What I can say if that I wasn’t prepared to throw years away. He’s made some bad decisions, but he’s not a bad man.
His children are not mine, but I’ve still been ok-ed to supervise contact (not overnight). I didn’t feel judged by SS as such, but they wanted to know that i had the children’s interests at heart, which I do; they will always come above my relationship with their dad, and whatever my thoughts and feelings towards him, keeping them safe and happy is what is most important.
Dont feel judge for any decision you make. Your situation is unique to you, so do what is right for YOU. Xx
His children are not mine, but I’ve still been ok-ed to supervise contact (not overnight). I didn’t feel judged by SS as such, but they wanted to know that i had the children’s interests at heart, which I do; they will always come above my relationship with their dad, and whatever my thoughts and feelings towards him, keeping them safe and happy is what is most important.
Dont feel judge for any decision you make. Your situation is unique to you, so do what is right for YOU. Xx
Jayne G just want to say I couldn't have put that better. That is exactly how I feel , i am staying for now but that's not set in stone. I believe my husband has been honest with me and he is seeking all the help he can get, but in the future I may change my decision. The one bit of advice I would give is no knee jerk reactions, just take lots of time to make these very complex and different situations we each find ourselves in.
This forum is for non judgemental support. We should all respect each other and the decisions we make in such a horrendous situation.
Big hug to you all. Xx
This forum is for non judgemental support. We should all respect each other and the decisions we make in such a horrendous situation.
Big hug to you all. Xx
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Hi Soconfused
This happened to me, I sat wondering what was going on. My advice is to contact them and ask why he is being investigated.
I was told and it was not good news. My ex and I were not married and it seems a minefield. They just don’t seem to keep you informed and that is what is so confusing.
My ex pleaded guilty and from the time of the Knock is living elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to believe in your partner, I had a millions reasons not too so it is not the same.
Keep Strong X
This happened to me, I sat wondering what was going on. My advice is to contact them and ask why he is being investigated.
I was told and it was not good news. My ex and I were not married and it seems a minefield. They just don’t seem to keep you informed and that is what is so confusing.
My ex pleaded guilty and from the time of the Knock is living elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to believe in your partner, I had a millions reasons not too so it is not the same.
Keep Strong X
Hi Soconfused
Our situations sound similar right down to it stemming from accessing porn on kik. Are you any further along with all this? My partner is adamant that he's never looked at children but has agreed that it is feasible that some of the images pertaining to be of adults could have been of children towards the upper limit - 16, 17, 18 years old.
Happy to chat xx
Our situations sound similar right down to it stemming from accessing porn on kik. Are you any further along with all this? My partner is adamant that he's never looked at children but has agreed that it is feasible that some of the images pertaining to be of adults could have been of children towards the upper limit - 16, 17, 18 years old.
Happy to chat xx
Hi hilltop
sorry I have only just Seen your reply. Yes they do sound similar. No further forward unfortunately. Taking it one day at a time.
x
sorry I have only just Seen your reply. Yes they do sound similar. No further forward unfortunately. Taking it one day at a time.
x
I feel for all of you. I too have decided to stay until there is the second knock, call whatever. We are three months in and everyday feel sick to my stomach and anxious about how where why they will contact us again. He has not been charged just investigated for a download through our server on a date and time in may. He is adament he knows nothing of this but i am finding it hard to tell mself this may not be the case. He is a very good but very stupid man and cannot believe this has come to my door. They searched his devices on the day and found nought but took them away to investigate further.
we have a family of grown ups two which are not my husbands but have kids, ss decided he is not to have access at all and mine is to be supervised whichi find really difficult and ki d of like its a puishment for staying. My kids will never forgive him and this itself puts me in middle and im torn.
we were told a fewweeks ago itwould not be long but i am struggling big style now. Has anyone got any advice on how they come back and what happens if he is arrested as this is the bit that terrifies me and the neighbourhood seeing. X
we have a family of grown ups two which are not my husbands but have kids, ss decided he is not to have access at all and mine is to be supervised whichi find really difficult and ki d of like its a puishment for staying. My kids will never forgive him and this itself puts me in middle and im torn.
we were told a fewweeks ago itwould not be long but i am struggling big style now. Has anyone got any advice on how they come back and what happens if he is arrested as this is the bit that terrifies me and the neighbourhood seeing. X
Hi Vanillapod
From what I have read on the forum the usual process is that when the Police have finished their investigations and are ready to take the next step they will phone and tell the person to report to the police station at a certain time. Providing the person turns up then further questioning takes place followed by the person beinig charged with offences. If the person fails to report at the designated time, then the next day the Police will try to apprehend him either at hone or elsewhere. So all being well, you don't get another visit to get the neighbours' curtains twitching all over again.
Hoping this allays some of your fears. Stay strong, you can do this.
From what I have read on the forum the usual process is that when the Police have finished their investigations and are ready to take the next step they will phone and tell the person to report to the police station at a certain time. Providing the person turns up then further questioning takes place followed by the person beinig charged with offences. If the person fails to report at the designated time, then the next day the Police will try to apprehend him either at hone or elsewhere. So all being well, you don't get another visit to get the neighbours' curtains twitching all over again.
Hoping this allays some of your fears. Stay strong, you can do this.
Hi Vanillapod
My husband was charged via a letter in the post, no return to the police station other than to collect the clear devices.
This happened 7 months after the knock, it was another 4 months before sentence was passed.
I hope this helps, sorry you are going through this horrible journey too x
My husband was charged via a letter in the post, no return to the police station other than to collect the clear devices.
This happened 7 months after the knock, it was another 4 months before sentence was passed.
I hope this helps, sorry you are going through this horrible journey too x
Hi Bella rose, so whatdid they charge him with and what was outcome. Did press etc go to court or public find out as social media and press is scaring me x
Hi, check out my post reality bites, it details our situation in there. But in short he was charged with downloading images, received a suspended sentence and a SHPO.
Unfortunately the local press were there and is was online and all over social media before we arrived home from court but we appear to have survived the worst of it. We're now just trying to begin rebuilding our lives now, just need to find somewhere to live as we have to leave our current rental home in a week.
Stay strong, try and delete any reference to your partner's name online or social media where possible, it will ease the situation of it does go public x
Unfortunately the local press were there and is was online and all over social media before we arrived home from court but we appear to have survived the worst of it. We're now just trying to begin rebuilding our lives now, just need to find somewhere to live as we have to leave our current rental home in a week.
Stay strong, try and delete any reference to your partner's name online or social media where possible, it will ease the situation of it does go public x
Hi Vanillapod,
As per the other comments the local press were in court and we were told by our barrister that it would be reported that evening. We stayed inside the building after sentencing for nearly an hour to try and avoid any pictures however upon leaving photos were taken. I am convinced that someone had tipped the press off as we could not see any photographer so the pictures must have been taken using a long lense.
By the time we got home it was front page News, it was also reported on twitter and facebook. We were also notified by friends that the article had been uploaded to a site named UK Database.
Its been very distressing for everyone... The only blessing is that we have not suffered any vigilante incidents although our neighbours completely blank us when we catch eye with one and other...
We haven't moved although I have not taken that option off the table should anything sinister happen.
My advice is to close any social media accounts and delete Facebook as they will use any pictures of your partner. Also it takes a few weeks for Facebook to wipe the account. Take care and best wishes.
As per the other comments the local press were in court and we were told by our barrister that it would be reported that evening. We stayed inside the building after sentencing for nearly an hour to try and avoid any pictures however upon leaving photos were taken. I am convinced that someone had tipped the press off as we could not see any photographer so the pictures must have been taken using a long lense.
By the time we got home it was front page News, it was also reported on twitter and facebook. We were also notified by friends that the article had been uploaded to a site named UK Database.
Its been very distressing for everyone... The only blessing is that we have not suffered any vigilante incidents although our neighbours completely blank us when we catch eye with one and other...
We haven't moved although I have not taken that option off the table should anything sinister happen.
My advice is to close any social media accounts and delete Facebook as they will use any pictures of your partner. Also it takes a few weeks for Facebook to wipe the account. Take care and best wishes.
Hi Snowdrop
oh I just read your post and my heart sank for you, that is truly horrendous!
I just wondered how your barrister knew it would be in the press?
This is my worst fear, my partner is released under invesigation but when it does go to court I will be terrified.
Although I do feel I would like my partner to go to court for what’s he’s done, but for the sake of our child I wish it wouldn’t!
Sending you very best wishes
Mabel x x
oh I just read your post and my heart sank for you, that is truly horrendous!
I just wondered how your barrister knew it would be in the press?
This is my worst fear, my partner is released under invesigation but when it does go to court I will be terrified.
Although I do feel I would like my partner to go to court for what’s he’s done, but for the sake of our child I wish it wouldn’t!
Sending you very best wishes
Mabel x x
Hi Mabel
Our barrister recognised him as a regular attendee and warned us accordingly. It is distressing, especially social media. The vigilante group UK Database who also upload reported sex offences don't recognise the distress they are causing to those who have played no part in this criminal behaviour.
As I pointed out in my last post... consider closing any social media accounts... The press will search for any pictures on the 'open' forum and simply print them without your knowledge or approval. Also when we closed our Facebook account we were notified that deleting the account was NOT instant but would take quite a few weeks.
Finally I want to assure you that the fear of vigilante attacks might be in your thoughts we have had no issues and maybe we have lucky. Our neighbours definitely know as they all completely blank us when we're outside doing the garden etc.
Keep reading from this forum... There are many truly wonderful correspondents who can help you during this horrible journey.. x
Our barrister recognised him as a regular attendee and warned us accordingly. It is distressing, especially social media. The vigilante group UK Database who also upload reported sex offences don't recognise the distress they are causing to those who have played no part in this criminal behaviour.
As I pointed out in my last post... consider closing any social media accounts... The press will search for any pictures on the 'open' forum and simply print them without your knowledge or approval. Also when we closed our Facebook account we were notified that deleting the account was NOT instant but would take quite a few weeks.
Finally I want to assure you that the fear of vigilante attacks might be in your thoughts we have had no issues and maybe we have lucky. Our neighbours definitely know as they all completely blank us when we're outside doing the garden etc.
Keep reading from this forum... There are many truly wonderful correspondents who can help you during this horrible journey.. x
Hi Mabel
Our barrister recognised him as a regular attendee and warned us accordingly. It is distressing, especially social media. The vigilante group UK Database who also upload reported sex offences don't recognise the distress they are causing to those who have played no part in this criminal behaviour.
As I pointed out in my last post... consider closing any social media accounts... The press will search for any pictures on the 'open' forum and simply print them without your knowledge or approval. Also when we closed our Facebook account we were notified that deleting the account was NOT instant but would take quite a few weeks.
Finally I want to assure you that the fear of vigilante attacks might be in your thoughts we have had no issues and maybe we have lucky. Our neighbours definitely know as they all completely blank us when we're outside doing the garden etc.
Keep reading from this forum... There are many truly wonderful correspondents who can help you during this horrible journey.. x
Our barrister recognised him as a regular attendee and warned us accordingly. It is distressing, especially social media. The vigilante group UK Database who also upload reported sex offences don't recognise the distress they are causing to those who have played no part in this criminal behaviour.
As I pointed out in my last post... consider closing any social media accounts... The press will search for any pictures on the 'open' forum and simply print them without your knowledge or approval. Also when we closed our Facebook account we were notified that deleting the account was NOT instant but would take quite a few weeks.
Finally I want to assure you that the fear of vigilante attacks might be in your thoughts we have had no issues and maybe we have lucky. Our neighbours definitely know as they all completely blank us when we're outside doing the garden etc.
Keep reading from this forum... There are many truly wonderful correspondents who can help you during this horrible journey.. x
Hi again Snowdrop
oh gosh that’s horrible, I think I would be very tempted to go to that journalist and beg& beg them not to publish anything... but I doubt that would do any good! they don’t care!
Yes you are definitely right about the social media. I have deleted all my pics of him from FB and he has deleted everything, including his LinkedIn account, the only thing we can’t get rid of are his details on this Companies house website. I will close down my FB account when we are closer.
I asked our solicitor if ther is anything we can do to stop anything being published and he said there is nothing, it is unbelievable thereis no protection for the families.
Wishing you all the very best
Mabel x x
oh gosh that’s horrible, I think I would be very tempted to go to that journalist and beg& beg them not to publish anything... but I doubt that would do any good! they don’t care!
Yes you are definitely right about the social media. I have deleted all my pics of him from FB and he has deleted everything, including his LinkedIn account, the only thing we can’t get rid of are his details on this Companies house website. I will close down my FB account when we are closer.
I asked our solicitor if ther is anything we can do to stop anything being published and he said there is nothing, it is unbelievable thereis no protection for the families.
Wishing you all the very best
Mabel x x
I hate the press. Once something is deemed to be in the public interest they seem not to care about the effects on family etc. Once something is posted on the internet by you such as photos it is deemed as public and you have no rights regarding that image. Thankfully I'd already taken myself off social media long before my knock.
All I would say is delete everything online and don't be tempted to look. My neighbours seem to know and my ex is not at the press stage so goodness knows how. But we get blanked also. Well I do. I'm no longer with my ex.
It will pass though. Remember your news is t important to others as it is to you. Xxxx
All I would say is delete everything online and don't be tempted to look. My neighbours seem to know and my ex is not at the press stage so goodness knows how. But we get blanked also. Well I do. I'm no longer with my ex.
It will pass though. Remember your news is t important to others as it is to you. Xxxx
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SadandWorried...
I have copied this reply from BigSigh... I hope she/he doesn't mind but it's an excellent message for everyone who has children and are now faced with the reality their partner is not who they thought they were..
Posted Wed October 16, 2019 2:37pmReport post
Hi
it does feel a very worrying time. I didn’t ask my partner to leave after he was arrested and we also have children. I did, however, immediately ensure he was not alone with them. You have done this already, so that is good. When asked about him leaving, I would think about it yourself and perhaps you could say something like you are keeping an open mind until the end of the police investigation. Remind them that the police have put no restrictions on him, even after hearing what he said at interview and at the moment you are taking one day at a time. However you aware that the risk to your children has now increased (before the knock it didn’t enter your head he was a risk, now you have to consider it) so you have a safety plan which includes him not being alone with the children and him not doing any personal care for them (so not allowing him to do bath time and if your youngest is still in nappies then not allowing him to change nappies ). You could say that you have considered it and know that asking him to leave would also have a big impact on the children so at the moment you consider you have the right safety measures in place. As the alleged offence is about the internet I would also immediately put safety measures on the WiFi (and only you know the password) and on any electronic devices. SS are not just concerned about him contact offending but also your children inadvertently being exposed to inappropriate material - you are then showing online safety too. I don’t know if you have anyone you can tell about what is going on? Make sure it is somebody you can trust and if you do then they like to hear that you are not bearing this “secret” alone. They might also want to hear that you have a back up plan if you are ill and unable to care for the kids - so a family member who k it’s what is going on or a close friend who could step in if needed.
so sorry to bombard you, but I have learned to feel my way through the system over the last 10 months and my kids and partner are all at home with me still... xx
I have copied this reply from BigSigh... I hope she/he doesn't mind but it's an excellent message for everyone who has children and are now faced with the reality their partner is not who they thought they were..
Posted Wed October 16, 2019 2:37pmReport post
Hi
it does feel a very worrying time. I didn’t ask my partner to leave after he was arrested and we also have children. I did, however, immediately ensure he was not alone with them. You have done this already, so that is good. When asked about him leaving, I would think about it yourself and perhaps you could say something like you are keeping an open mind until the end of the police investigation. Remind them that the police have put no restrictions on him, even after hearing what he said at interview and at the moment you are taking one day at a time. However you aware that the risk to your children has now increased (before the knock it didn’t enter your head he was a risk, now you have to consider it) so you have a safety plan which includes him not being alone with the children and him not doing any personal care for them (so not allowing him to do bath time and if your youngest is still in nappies then not allowing him to change nappies ). You could say that you have considered it and know that asking him to leave would also have a big impact on the children so at the moment you consider you have the right safety measures in place. As the alleged offence is about the internet I would also immediately put safety measures on the WiFi (and only you know the password) and on any electronic devices. SS are not just concerned about him contact offending but also your children inadvertently being exposed to inappropriate material - you are then showing online safety too. I don’t know if you have anyone you can tell about what is going on? Make sure it is somebody you can trust and if you do then they like to hear that you are not bearing this “secret” alone. They might also want to hear that you have a back up plan if you are ill and unable to care for the kids - so a family member who k it’s what is going on or a close friend who could step in if needed.
so sorry to bombard you, but I have learned to feel my way through the system over the last 10 months and my kids and partner are all at home with me still... xx