Probation and after
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Hi all,
hope everyone's doing okay. It's been a couple of weeks since our court date and although it was a positive outcome it's still been a stressful time.
my oh has had to go to probation which overall hasn't been too bad but then we've had a police risk assessor and she's been a nightmare.
even though social services closed the case on the understanding I had supervised contact with our son and oh had no contact with my two older girls, he lives with his mom. This police risk assessor is now saying that because I still see him and there is a relationship of some sort it has to go back to SS. I've got a good relationship with SS but it's just annoying that everything was ok as such and we were trying to find a new normal and now they've moved the goal posts again. She made out like I was the one she should be checking on, not him. Kept saying if it was her husband she'd chuck him out. I kept reminding her, I've done nothing wrong.Probation lady was better to deal with. So annoyed by them and now I've got to go through it all with Ss again and I feel like she's made me out like I'm lying.
we're not in a relationship, he doesn't live her, I see him when he sees my son. (Maybe 1/2 a week) either here or at my mother in laws.
I've been ok holiday this year without him, just me and the kids. I've got two holidays booked this year, again just me and the kids. I've told them they can check the cupboards his stuff isn't here. It's as if they want to find something, they don't like you sticking by him. I do still love him and I want to help him but I don't see us in a relationship. More like friends now and they seem to drown on that.
I felt like saying to her, you've no idea what you'd do until you're in this position.
has anyone else had this? Or any advice?
sorry if I've rambled x
hope everyone's doing okay. It's been a couple of weeks since our court date and although it was a positive outcome it's still been a stressful time.
my oh has had to go to probation which overall hasn't been too bad but then we've had a police risk assessor and she's been a nightmare.
even though social services closed the case on the understanding I had supervised contact with our son and oh had no contact with my two older girls, he lives with his mom. This police risk assessor is now saying that because I still see him and there is a relationship of some sort it has to go back to SS. I've got a good relationship with SS but it's just annoying that everything was ok as such and we were trying to find a new normal and now they've moved the goal posts again. She made out like I was the one she should be checking on, not him. Kept saying if it was her husband she'd chuck him out. I kept reminding her, I've done nothing wrong.Probation lady was better to deal with. So annoyed by them and now I've got to go through it all with Ss again and I feel like she's made me out like I'm lying.
we're not in a relationship, he doesn't live her, I see him when he sees my son. (Maybe 1/2 a week) either here or at my mother in laws.
I've been ok holiday this year without him, just me and the kids. I've got two holidays booked this year, again just me and the kids. I've told them they can check the cupboards his stuff isn't here. It's as if they want to find something, they don't like you sticking by him. I do still love him and I want to help him but I don't see us in a relationship. More like friends now and they seem to drown on that.
I felt like saying to her, you've no idea what you'd do until you're in this position.
has anyone else had this? Or any advice?
sorry if I've rambled x
Yeah I had it with the first probation officer. So similar I'm wondering if she's had a change in career. She said she only had my word for the fact that contact was being supervised by my in laws alongside myself and felt that she should put in an urgent referral to ss as we sat next to each other in the meeting where we only knew each other so we were obviously in a relationship.
Just keep doing what you're doing. It's horrible when it's almost like we're under investigation when we're trying to hold everything together for our children. Also worth noting that opportunity to offend forms part of probation and offender management risk assessment as do relationships xxx
Just keep doing what you're doing. It's horrible when it's almost like we're under investigation when we're trying to hold everything together for our children. Also worth noting that opportunity to offend forms part of probation and offender management risk assessment as do relationships xxx
Thank you, I was so upset by them yesterday but feeling calmer and stronger today. I really felt bullied by then and I will be speaking to ss about it.
I've been nothing but honest right from the start and now I feel like they've jeopardised this by trying to make out we're in a relationship.
Her words were "it would be easier for you if he'd been sent to prison"
they haven't a clue..... oh yeah that would have been fantastic!!!
I've been nothing but honest right from the start and now I feel like they've jeopardised this by trying to make out we're in a relationship.
Her words were "it would be easier for you if he'd been sent to prison"
they haven't a clue..... oh yeah that would have been fantastic!!!
It infuriates me how these so called 'professionals' inject their personal lives/opinions into their work with offenders, how dare they? It's so wrong...... NO person knows what they'd 'do' in our situation until you are dealing with it!!!!!
it still makes my blood boil when I heard the DC dealing with my sons case had said she "wouldn't want or trust my son anywhere near her own children".....
They are supposed to be professional and not prejudice - but as we find out, almost daily in the media, it's not the case...... :-(.
it still makes my blood boil when I heard the DC dealing with my sons case had said she "wouldn't want or trust my son anywhere near her own children".....
They are supposed to be professional and not prejudice - but as we find out, almost daily in the media, it's not the case...... :-(.
Smile - and don't even get me started on PO's. how they are allowed to do the job they do with no consequences for what they say I'll never know. I thought they were there to support and help our people to rehabilitate and move forward. All they have done is cause more misery and problems, and god do they lie. I wish I could report my sons's but he's begged me not to. Xx
I've had one encounter with my oh po and it wasn't positive. Tried to make out he'd lied about simple facts like what time he finishes work??? Made an appt at 3:15 when he'd text to say 3:45 and it was there in black and white. I know it's only small but it's not the point. Then made out he was supposed to see them at my house (knowing he can't be here when my older girls are) it's like they're deliberately trying to catch him out. The police risk assessor was the worst, pretending to be nice to me, she'd rung my boss (I work in a school, I have only even been honest with my boss so nothing so nothing to hide) but why??
she was searching oh's phone and she didn't have a clue what she was doing and openly said that..... useless
she was searching oh's phone and she didn't have a clue what she was doing and openly said that..... useless