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My autistic son can't seem to stop

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Isabella

Member since
May 2021

19 posts

Posted Wed February 14, 2024 12:43amReport post

Hi. My autistic son was sent to prison for three years. Did 18 months. He seems to have no empathy or understanding of the damage to himself long term and us, his family. He came home from prison and was on probation. I have to say they did nothing at all to help him. Nothing. 8 weeks later the police turn up. It's happened again. This time he got another 2 years and 7 years on licence. I am in despair. His brothers hate him and have disowned him. They feel we should cut all contact but I can't. He doesn't seem to get it. He can't explain why. We are older parents. I am so worried about him. I hate him for doing this but I love him too. This is so hard.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2596 posts

Posted Wed February 14, 2024 4:00amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Thu February 15, 2024 8:24pm

Life feels over

Member since
September 2022

412 posts

Posted Wed February 14, 2024 4:05pmReport post

The neurodivergent brain experiences the world very differently. I wonder if LFF can offer any advice regarding sexual offending programmes or treatment for those on the spectrum. The lack of help you and he are experiencing in the system is shocking but sadly not surprising.

https://prisonreformtrust.org.uk/contactus/

Prison reform trust may also be able to offer some advice. Perhaps there are interventions within the system to prevent this being a perpetual cycle x

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/probation-support

Edited Wed February 14, 2024 4:33pm

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

524 posts

Posted Fri February 16, 2024 9:23amReport post

Dear Isabella and Life Feels Over,

Thank you for this important discussion about support options for those who are on the neurodivergent spectrum. You are right, in that these individuals interpret the world very differently and, in some cases, intervention may need to be adapted to accommodate this. We work with a lot of neurodivergent individuals who can meaningfully participate in our group-work programmes, however, sometimes 1:1 work is more appropriate as this enables us to tailor the material and delivery style to better suit their needs.

The probation service will assess individuals' suitability for a treatment programme (post sentencing), and they currently provide an adapted programme for individuals where neurodiversity impacts their learning ability, which is obviously not the case for all individuals who are neurodivergent. We appreciate that this may or may not be relevant to your current situation, but we thought it might be helpful to share.

Another option is to contact StopSO https://stopso.org.uk/ , who provide specialist therapy to those who have committed sexual offences. They will also have therapists who have experience in working with neurodivergent clients.

We hope this helps

Kind Regards

The Forum Team

ND Mum

Member since
February 2024

2 posts

Posted Thu February 29, 2024 5:42pmReport post

Hi Isabella

I have read through posts on this forum looking for someone in a similar situation to me. I can so relate to your story. I am also an older mum with a Neurodiverse son who is just out of prison following a second conviction. I met with his probation officer and Police Public Protection Officer and basically told they expect he will reoffend and be back in prison within a week. He has a porn addiction. I cannot get him to see the link between porn and risk of offending again. He seems so unaware of how his offending has affected the family. I am at my wits end to get him support. Social Services were supposed to assess him prior to release. Still hasn't happened. So he is living alone away from home with no support apart from me. The people that are supposed to help seem powerless to do so. None seem to have training in ASD/ADHD so cannot possibly communicate with him effectively or understand him. I have never felt so alone as in these past few years.

I feel your pain and do hope you are able to get the help you need. I see the link posted following your post and will definitely try that with him when I see him this weekend.

Sending hugs x

Poppop

Member since
September 2023

70 posts

Posted Fri March 1, 2024 9:49amReport post

My son as just been diagnosed with autsim

Currently on RUI for online commucation, he his vigilantes decoy case

Currently 5 months of these horrible journey

edel2020

Member since
March 2022

392 posts

Posted Fri March 1, 2024 10:36amReport post

From a purely practical point of view, could this be addressed with restrictions on internet use and monitoring software.

Have the police or probation suggested installing monitoring software on his devices and does he have an SHPO that says what he is not allowed to do on the internet?

In extreme cases, there might even be an argument for saying no unsupervised internet access at all. It obviously doesn't help that he lives alone.

Admitedly, these restrictions do put the person at risk of committing further breaches, so you might need a support worker, to keep a close eye on him.

Circles UK could be useful here, because they provide a group of people, who monitor behaviour, as well as providing emotional support.

Edited Fri March 1, 2024 11:21am

Just want an end to it

Member since
October 2023

212 posts

Posted Fri March 1, 2024 6:48pmReport post

Hi,

My person is ASC too and I researched so much that I think our solicitor was a little overwhelmed by all the info I sent to him. Clare Allely has some amazing research on it and the book Autism, Sexuality, and the Law (I read in 2 days) by Nick Dubin.

My person talked to LFF loads, and we found a counsellor who understood the neurodivergent brain who has worked with him for over a year and he worked one one-on-one with the LFF doing their inform young people (which he got so much from)

ND Mum

Member since
February 2024

2 posts

Posted Mon March 4, 2024 10:05amReport post

Hi

Yes my son does have restrictions and monitoring software which I am not sure how that works. I think the problem with him is the "black and white" thinking. There is a large grey area regarding adult porn as to what is legal but he does seem to be getting more of an understanding of what he needs to avoid.

I have begged his probation officer and police to write down what they discuss with him as he really does not get body language or the nuances of neurotypical language. Verbal meassages are quite literally in one ear and out the other. I thought we were supposed to be working together to help him but I rarely get feedback.

Feeling a bit more positive having been to see him. The LFF courses look good especially 1 to 1 and he does not seem adverse to trying. I have been trying to get him a support worker for 2 years now. No-one seems able to help in his situation. Circles is something we are looking into and like you I thought provided monitoring and support but have been told it is a fortnightly group meeting only which may not be that helpful however we will definitely give it a try.

Edited Mon March 4, 2024 10:09am

EBP

Member since
September 2021

211 posts

Posted Mon March 4, 2024 7:50pmReport post

ND mum

Wishing you some positive results with Circles. My son has also been referred. There is so much paperwork with these referrals & the probation officers are so thinly spread.

We were also told about 3SC which does an autism screening. Don' t know which area they operate.

I agree with the 'grey' legal area of porn.
Feel for you

edel2020

Member since
March 2022

392 posts

Posted Tue March 5, 2024 10:16amReport post

Given the situation he is in, I would have thought the only safe thing to do is avoid porn altogether. No point in taking that risk, because even legal porn use is considered risky behaviour by a lot of VISORs.

Have any of the autism charities offered him support?

ConcernedParent

Member since
April 2024

14 posts

Posted Sat April 6, 2024 10:47pmReport post

I'm having an absolute nightmare trying to get my autistic son the right help and support so I completely feel your pain. I recently posted about my experiences on this community, my son was originally convicted of viewing IIOC but was recently reconvicted for breach of SHPO and now, another year later, is facing court for yet another breach of SHPO (not another sexual offence). This latest breach also puts him in breach of a suspended sentence given for the last breach. He's currently on bail living in a supported flat. You're welcome to read my story if you wish it's on the forums. It's very detailed and lengthy but he is extremely vulnerable and terribly misunderstood.

I can only imagine your pain at seeing your son in a prison for years on end. My son, so far, has only tasted 30 days (remanded by magistrates) and both him and the prison service struggled immensely to cope (the prison officers involved in my sons care were very sympathetic of my sons case but completely powerless to help). He was released by the crown court 30 days later on conditional bail. That was for his last breach where he was later sentenced to 6 months suspended for 12 months. This latest breach he wasn't arrested for (was "voluntarily" interviewed under caution with his support worker and social worker) and has been on unconditional bail throughout the whole case, which is currently awaiting a trial at the crown court as his defence team are challenging one of the charges. But the fact his latest breach puts him in breach of the suspended sentence given for his last breach worries me because the law states the judge "must" activate it, if convicted, unless it is "unjust" in all the circumstances to do so. There's a big grey area around when it's "unjust" or not. I, personally, feel it would be very unjust given the nature of the breaches and what really happened (you're welcome to read my story) but the law is notoriously black and white about these things. Expert assessors have written detailed and lengthy reports emphasising my sons vulnerabilities and desperate need for appropriate and humane treatment but none is being offered despite numerous referrals.

Edited Sun April 7, 2024 8:59am

Isabella

Member since
May 2021

19 posts

Posted Sat November 2, 2024 10:36amReport post

I have read all the posts on here, regarding people in a similar situation to myself and my autistic son. There are indeed many grey areas regarding autism and the law. They don't really get a fair tial at all. We feel that the judge was not in any way empathetic towards my son . He (my son) just doesn't seem to get what is right and what is wrong. He seems like a child himself. He accesses these sites without a thought as to what it will mean for him and for us, his family. He told us he was more into making friends online than having a sexual outcome but ofcourse he was pretty soon drawn in and became addicted. I am so desperately worried about what will happen to him once we are gone. We are in our 70's and he literally has no one else to look out for him. I forsee a pattern of him in and out of prison in the future. I would like to open a bank account for him for his future but no one has advice as they need him to be there too. Has anyone any advice about this?. Thank you all so much. I feel all of your pain. Take care of yourselves. Isabella.

Marvel

Member since
October 2024

28 posts

Posted Sat November 2, 2024 10:56amReport post

Me and OH have a number of adult children (separately through previous relationships) of whom 2 are on the autistic spectrum, at different levels of ability/understanding.

So many budget cuts to services, long waits for assessments, means there is little help and support in general.

It's extremely hard, when they struggle with letters, numbers, body language and the world around them, with then adding the internet to it. They can be easily lead, as they don't understand right and wrong.

They need specific help and guidance, not punishment

ConcernedParent

Member since
April 2024

14 posts

Posted Mon November 4, 2024 6:09pmReport post

I am so so so sorry you have to deal with this. I, too, have an autistic son in the system and although I do not know what your son has been charged with, nor will I ask, I can 100% understand him not understanding his actions. My sons case is quite unique, so we've been told, but the more I read posts like these the more I wonder how unique it really is.

I do not believe prison is the appropriate place for people like my son and it breaks my heart to read how yours seems to be trapped in a cycle of imprisonment with little to no help.

my son is also receiving no help...despite an excessive amount of trying to get it. Every single referral (without fail) is rejected. And social services have reduced his hours significantly (despite everyone trying to support him criticising this decision) in the past year which has only made things worse. And now he, too, is facing a possible custodial sentence and he can't even talk (mute due to trauma rather than non verbal) and is trapped in a constant state of trauma. He communicates on his phone by writing to his support workers and to me but hasn't been able to communicate verbally for over 2 years now.

I can only empathise with your situation but sadly I can offer no assistance as I, too, am feeling completely helpless.