Been awhile, I’m so conflicted xx
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Hi everyone, it's been a while
So much has happened in the last 2/3months, I've been avoiding the forum because I don't know what to say
reading all the posts hurt my heart, for everyone going through everything that I've been going through, I cannot believe sometimes that our OH/families/friends can put us through this
we've had 4 more media posts, I've had an actual neighborhor shout at me and call me a 'nonce'; tyres slashed, deportation threats, cars key'd
i am so emotionally drained, I don't know how much longer I can do this
even though it's my partner in the media, we don't even share the same surname
we recently lost a house we were going to move into, and now I've had to get an apartment on my own which I move into next week
I'm so conflicted on whether or not I should stay with my OH, I'm so scared he reoffends
we don't have children, but I want children and I'm scared to have children because what happens if he reoffends & then I'm alone?
I have so many questions, so many issues, I love my OH but I don't know if I can do this anymore
we have sentencing in about 4 weeks, we'll see after that if he gets deported or not really, but it doesn't feel that simple
sorry for the rant, I hope everyone else is doing okay & sending everyone so much love xxxxx
So much has happened in the last 2/3months, I've been avoiding the forum because I don't know what to say
reading all the posts hurt my heart, for everyone going through everything that I've been going through, I cannot believe sometimes that our OH/families/friends can put us through this
we've had 4 more media posts, I've had an actual neighborhor shout at me and call me a 'nonce'; tyres slashed, deportation threats, cars key'd
i am so emotionally drained, I don't know how much longer I can do this
even though it's my partner in the media, we don't even share the same surname
we recently lost a house we were going to move into, and now I've had to get an apartment on my own which I move into next week
I'm so conflicted on whether or not I should stay with my OH, I'm so scared he reoffends
we don't have children, but I want children and I'm scared to have children because what happens if he reoffends & then I'm alone?
I have so many questions, so many issues, I love my OH but I don't know if I can do this anymore
we have sentencing in about 4 weeks, we'll see after that if he gets deported or not really, but it doesn't feel that simple
sorry for the rant, I hope everyone else is doing okay & sending everyone so much love xxxxx
Hi Flo,
my heart also hurts for those going through challenging times. I'm so very sorry that you have had such horrific things happen to you.
I hope that you now feel safer in your apartment and that court brings you a little closer to making a decision about your future. Only you will have to live your life with your decision to stay or leave the relationship so it's only you that needs to feel that it's right. There are so many conflicting feelings that we face each day and both choices are difficult in their own ways. Do you have much support around you? Have you been able to access any therapy? Sending love and strength xx
my heart also hurts for those going through challenging times. I'm so very sorry that you have had such horrific things happen to you.
I hope that you now feel safer in your apartment and that court brings you a little closer to making a decision about your future. Only you will have to live your life with your decision to stay or leave the relationship so it's only you that needs to feel that it's right. There are so many conflicting feelings that we face each day and both choices are difficult in their own ways. Do you have much support around you? Have you been able to access any therapy? Sending love and strength xx
Hi distressed & pregnant
Thank you so much for your reply, I truly appreciate it
I've got just over a week to go & then I'll be in my apartment & my OH in a hotel until after sentencing (to avoid new address in the media)
but after sentencing I don't know what's going to happen, he could get deported (he's here on a work visa) & then that takes the decision out of my hands as then we can't be together & I won't move to him, not turning my life upside down for his mistakes
But he could also not get deported, to be honest, then I don't know what I'll do, I'm scared for my future, I feel like I had found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but now this makes me second guess everything
I don't know if I want to have children with him & have in the back of my mind what if
I've had a friend ask me am I sure he won't reoffend and am I sure he won't become a contact offender and immediately I came to his defense but it did make me second guess everything
unfortunately no one close knows what's going on, no family & only one friend knows but he lives in Amsterdam so bit far
I have finally gotten access to therapy (third session) but I feel like it doesn't help, in a way I feel like I can't be completely honest with my therapist
she keeps telling me my OH has isolated me, but he hasn't its been my choice
I just feel like my whole world is crashing and I can't do anything
sorry, I'm rambling, I just feel incredibly lost xxxx
Thank you so much for your reply, I truly appreciate it
I've got just over a week to go & then I'll be in my apartment & my OH in a hotel until after sentencing (to avoid new address in the media)
but after sentencing I don't know what's going to happen, he could get deported (he's here on a work visa) & then that takes the decision out of my hands as then we can't be together & I won't move to him, not turning my life upside down for his mistakes
But he could also not get deported, to be honest, then I don't know what I'll do, I'm scared for my future, I feel like I had found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but now this makes me second guess everything
I don't know if I want to have children with him & have in the back of my mind what if
I've had a friend ask me am I sure he won't reoffend and am I sure he won't become a contact offender and immediately I came to his defense but it did make me second guess everything
unfortunately no one close knows what's going on, no family & only one friend knows but he lives in Amsterdam so bit far
I have finally gotten access to therapy (third session) but I feel like it doesn't help, in a way I feel like I can't be completely honest with my therapist
she keeps telling me my OH has isolated me, but he hasn't its been my choice
I just feel like my whole world is crashing and I can't do anything
sorry, I'm rambling, I just feel incredibly lost xxxx
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So sorry to read you are struggling. I can only mirror what everyone else has said so far.
Keep strong..these time will and do pass. You will be able to decide what you want to do once court case over and you know what you are dealing with.
're support, I went to a private counsellor (cost around 40 for an hour) and it really helped me. She was wonderful and never judgemental. I just talked myself silly and cried for an hour and it was amazing. It meant I could go back home to the situation stronger and more in control. I only needed to go three times as I then had a plan how to deal with my emotions when they reared their heads! I know not everyone will be able to afford this help...but source a counsellor that truly helps wherever you can.
Keep strong..these time will and do pass. You will be able to decide what you want to do once court case over and you know what you are dealing with.
're support, I went to a private counsellor (cost around 40 for an hour) and it really helped me. She was wonderful and never judgemental. I just talked myself silly and cried for an hour and it was amazing. It meant I could go back home to the situation stronger and more in control. I only needed to go three times as I then had a plan how to deal with my emotions when they reared their heads! I know not everyone will be able to afford this help...but source a counsellor that truly helps wherever you can.