Hi, my first post here.
2 weeks ago, I had the 6am knock for my partner to be arrested and the house searched for all electronic devices. About 10 officers and a sniffer dog were involved in the search. I was just in shock and let them get on with what they needed to do.
Spent the day in disbelief. He was dropped home from custody about 6pm, and he admitted the allegations were true! We have only been a couple for 2 years and this has totally floored me.
There is a major added complication to this in that we work together. . He has been suspended, but I still have to go in every day. His immediate colleagues have been told they cannot contact him and not to ask me anything. However, I am just waiting for people to notice his absence and start to question me. I am not allowedntonsay anything to anyone, so people will make their own assumptions about what has happened.
To make matters worse, I cannot talk to him about the allegations as if he tells me anything, I have to pass it on.
I feel so lost, confused and isolated.
2 weeks ago, I had the 6am knock for my partner to be arrested and the house searched for all electronic devices. About 10 officers and a sniffer dog were involved in the search. I was just in shock and let them get on with what they needed to do.
Spent the day in disbelief. He was dropped home from custody about 6pm, and he admitted the allegations were true! We have only been a couple for 2 years and this has totally floored me.
There is a major added complication to this in that we work together. . He has been suspended, but I still have to go in every day. His immediate colleagues have been told they cannot contact him and not to ask me anything. However, I am just waiting for people to notice his absence and start to question me. I am not allowedntonsay anything to anyone, so people will make their own assumptions about what has happened.
To make matters worse, I cannot talk to him about the allegations as if he tells me anything, I have to pass it on.
I feel so lost, confused and isolated.
I'm so sorry that you find yourself joining us here and wanted to reach out to you to let you know you're not alone.
I like most of the people on here have or are going through those feelings of disbelief, confusion and isolation along with feelings of fear and dread. The first few weeks are horrendous as you try and make sense of the trauma and shock you are going through.
It must be so difficult not being able to talk to your partner about the allegations as I'm sure you have so many questions you want to ask.
For me, reaching out to my GP was a big help as once I started taking medication for anxiety I found I could get some sleep which in turn helped me function during the day. You might also want to consider giving the stop it now helpline a call for help and support.
How is your partner coping and has he reached out for support? I managed to get my person into psychotherapy and that helped him enormously in understanding how and why he had ended up in the place he found himself.
The journey you have now found yourself on can be long, so please keep reaching out for support so we can walk it with you. I'm here for you to support and help you and I know other people on the forum will be here for you too.
I like most of the people on here have or are going through those feelings of disbelief, confusion and isolation along with feelings of fear and dread. The first few weeks are horrendous as you try and make sense of the trauma and shock you are going through.
It must be so difficult not being able to talk to your partner about the allegations as I'm sure you have so many questions you want to ask.
For me, reaching out to my GP was a big help as once I started taking medication for anxiety I found I could get some sleep which in turn helped me function during the day. You might also want to consider giving the stop it now helpline a call for help and support.
How is your partner coping and has he reached out for support? I managed to get my person into psychotherapy and that helped him enormously in understanding how and why he had ended up in the place he found himself.
The journey you have now found yourself on can be long, so please keep reaching out for support so we can walk it with you. I'm here for you to support and help you and I know other people on the forum will be here for you too.
Oh horse girl, sorry that you find yourself here. It is so lonely a time. I hope work isn't too difficult for you.
as ocean said, reach out for support for both you and partner.
Also, once you've posted a few times you can DM which makes discussion a lot easier
big big hugs to you
x
as ocean said, reach out for support for both you and partner.
Also, once you've posted a few times you can DM which makes discussion a lot easier
big big hugs to you
x
Hello Horse Girl,
I am also really sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us. please feel free to message me if you want to discuss anything. The first few weeks are always a bit of a blur time consuming and exhausting going over paper work and constantly thinking what has happened and what is going to happen next... be prepared for a bit of a wait the process can be quite long I hope you both get support but I'd be happy to tell you about my experiences if any good to you x
I am also really sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us. please feel free to message me if you want to discuss anything. The first few weeks are always a bit of a blur time consuming and exhausting going over paper work and constantly thinking what has happened and what is going to happen next... be prepared for a bit of a wait the process can be quite long I hope you both get support but I'd be happy to tell you about my experiences if any good to you x
So sorry that you have found yourself here, I understand the conflict with work as I am a safeguarding lead in a secondary school and my person was arrested in Nov
feel free to drop me a message any time to vent x
feel free to drop me a message any time to vent x
Thanks for the welcome and offers of support. It is appreciated.
With regards to my partner, He has a welfare officer, there is misconduct peer support, employee assistance program and occupational health. He is very well safeguarded!
I have actually had to leave the office today. It was getting too much being there without him. Innocent questions were being asked like, is he on annual leave? But I am too much of a mess to just nod and smile, so people are realising something isn't right.
The worst thing is with this is that he is constantly home, just on the sofa. I need some space and time out but he is just always there. I was hoping to stay with a friend who knows about it all, but she has someone else staying and then is away.
I don't know how to work my way through this.
With regards to my partner, He has a welfare officer, there is misconduct peer support, employee assistance program and occupational health. He is very well safeguarded!
I have actually had to leave the office today. It was getting too much being there without him. Innocent questions were being asked like, is he on annual leave? But I am too much of a mess to just nod and smile, so people are realising something isn't right.
The worst thing is with this is that he is constantly home, just on the sofa. I need some space and time out but he is just always there. I was hoping to stay with a friend who knows about it all, but she has someone else staying and then is away.
I don't know how to work my way through this.
Being confronted with the situation at work as well as home must be so difficult and naturally people at work are going to notice he is missing and are going to ask why. Could you perhaps say something about him needing to take some time off for personal reasons but that you don't want to talk about it at the moment. That will explain his absence without giving them any details.
It's good that your partner is safeguarded and has support to help him but what about you? Could you also access the welfare officer, employee assistance programme and occupational health as well as you're going through your own traumatic experience and also need support?
Finding space when the person is always there is a challenge. Could your partner help you with this and go out and find something to do for a few hours each day to give you some space.
Working through the situation which you've found yourself in is going to be hard. The only way I found that I could manage it was to take one day at a time, hour by hour and to deal with each situation as it arose. I naturally overthink everything and find it very difficult to take one thing at a time but was making myself very unwell until I sought help and learned the difference between worries I could do something about and those I couldn't.
I hope you'll also find that using this forum to connect with other people in similar situations will help you.
It's good that your partner is safeguarded and has support to help him but what about you? Could you also access the welfare officer, employee assistance programme and occupational health as well as you're going through your own traumatic experience and also need support?
Finding space when the person is always there is a challenge. Could your partner help you with this and go out and find something to do for a few hours each day to give you some space.
Working through the situation which you've found yourself in is going to be hard. The only way I found that I could manage it was to take one day at a time, hour by hour and to deal with each situation as it arose. I naturally overthink everything and find it very difficult to take one thing at a time but was making myself very unwell until I sought help and learned the difference between worries I could do something about and those I couldn't.
I hope you'll also find that using this forum to connect with other people in similar situations will help you.