No idea where to go…..
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My OH was sentenced just under two years ago. We are not big on talking. I admit i have just stuck my head in the sand and believed everything he told me. Not talking has suited me as i do not think at the beginning i could have handled the details. I always said once i know the details then i can make an informed choice. In an indirect way i have found out the details and it has shocked me. It is all the worse than he made out and i feel at this moment that i can no longer stay.
But i still love him and cannot see myself not with him. This has always been the problem as we have been married 34 years and been together longer than that. I cannot imagine my life without him, but cant stay married. I feel my marriage is over in my heart. But i do not have much family and few friends, especially as some left me as i stayed with him, and the thought of leaving scares me to death.
I have never lived on my own. Though at the moment my adult children live with me and OH that will not for much longer. I have three dogs, and as i suffer with depression i just cannot see how i would cope on my own. I would have to leave my home, lose most the money we have to house him and then i will need to work until i drop! While he will claim benefits as he is ill mentally and phyically, and not have to work another day.
i have no one i can talk this with. Just wanted to get it off my chest as it is eating me up at the moment. That and the thought we will have to talk about it at some point. But he just closes down as soon as the topic comes up.
I just feel dispair at the situation i am in, through no fault of my own.
sorry to be such a misery. I am trying to get on with my life but sometimes i cannot rise above the situation i am in. X
But i still love him and cannot see myself not with him. This has always been the problem as we have been married 34 years and been together longer than that. I cannot imagine my life without him, but cant stay married. I feel my marriage is over in my heart. But i do not have much family and few friends, especially as some left me as i stayed with him, and the thought of leaving scares me to death.
I have never lived on my own. Though at the moment my adult children live with me and OH that will not for much longer. I have three dogs, and as i suffer with depression i just cannot see how i would cope on my own. I would have to leave my home, lose most the money we have to house him and then i will need to work until i drop! While he will claim benefits as he is ill mentally and phyically, and not have to work another day.
i have no one i can talk this with. Just wanted to get it off my chest as it is eating me up at the moment. That and the thought we will have to talk about it at some point. But he just closes down as soon as the topic comes up.
I just feel dispair at the situation i am in, through no fault of my own.
sorry to be such a misery. I am trying to get on with my life but sometimes i cannot rise above the situation i am in. X
No idea where to go.
Please pick up the phone & speak to someone on the help line. Being able to talk to someone is vital & such a support.
I talk to my friends about my son,but they can't really advise me on my options if they have no experience of this horrible situation.
I am sure others will also respond,who sadly do have experience of long established relationships. Ultimately it is your choice with the support of your loved ones.
Take care.
Please pick up the phone & speak to someone on the help line. Being able to talk to someone is vital & such a support.
I talk to my friends about my son,but they can't really advise me on my options if they have no experience of this horrible situation.
I am sure others will also respond,who sadly do have experience of long established relationships. Ultimately it is your choice with the support of your loved ones.
Take care.
Hi Webb x
Sorry you are feeling this way, I will inbox you lovely xx
Sorry you are feeling this way, I will inbox you lovely xx
Oh Webb please never feel that you are alone message me anytime.
Sending love to you xxx
Sending love to you xxx
I recognise my own situation in yours. I recently talked to my support worker who recommended that I talk to Citizens Advice to look at my options, which I haven't done yet. You are in a situation not of your choosing and you need support . Sending strength as you seek the way ahead .
My marriage was a similar length. I wanted to believe the reasons he gave for offending. Took me almost a year to decide to end our marriage. I've got to start again and work till I'm 70 to pay the mortgage.
I'm scared. But I couldn't stay with someone I don't trust.
But we are strong. We can do it. I'm not pretending it's going to be easy
Please message me if you want to.
I'm scared. But I couldn't stay with someone I don't trust.
But we are strong. We can do it. I'm not pretending it's going to be easy
Please message me if you want to.
Hi Webb,
You're absolutely not alone. I think if I were in your situation I'd probably start by seeking legal and financial advice. There is no way that any more than half of whatever equity or assets should be spent on housing your husband. I know that it might feel like you should still consider his circumstances but honestly you are only responsible for you. Talk to professionals and go from there. It will get easier and you'll have a good life although it looks different right now xxx
You're absolutely not alone. I think if I were in your situation I'd probably start by seeking legal and financial advice. There is no way that any more than half of whatever equity or assets should be spent on housing your husband. I know that it might feel like you should still consider his circumstances but honestly you are only responsible for you. Talk to professionals and go from there. It will get easier and you'll have a good life although it looks different right now xxx
Thank you everyone for your kindness and advice. I try very hard not to let my situation get to me. Most of the time i manage it, but finding out the details like i did just knocked me for six. I usually just let information sink in and my brain will just normally say never mind that and off i go. But i could not do it with this information. Throughout i firmly believed i would stay, and might still do that. But it was the first time i think i have really considered that my marriage maybe over. I have had such a wonderful happy marriage. We get on, have had fun throughout my life, one adult child due to be married and looking forward to grandchildren. And now this.
But before any decision is made, i will consult a solicitor and find out what my position is. It will give me something to focus on for the immedicate future.
But before any decision is made, i will consult a solicitor and find out what my position is. It will give me something to focus on for the immedicate future.