Resentment and anger
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Hi all,
13 weeks ish post knock. Starting to get my diet and sleep back, a little. Still finding managing 2 kids full time, full time work/house and the family dog hard. Really hard.
we have split up, and he is in his 1 bed flat in town. From a distance I am supporting his recovery and mental health (he is still paying towards the bills for the home etc) and I don't want him to harm himself.
i do occasionally meet him to walk the dog and talk over house arrangements and the ongoing investigation.
im really struggling with the constant resentment that he just works and seemingly chills in his flat- no responsibilities etc. can socialise/gym/sleep/run/eat when he wants.
don't get me wrong, he is massively worried about the investigation and the future but it seems so unfair, I have all the stress and have had to manage the situation with my employer due to my job and feel scrutiny of that plus social care. Its hard not to feel so angry with him! I'm exhausted all the time while he sleeps in on weekends etc. how is this fair to those who have done nothing wrong?
13 weeks ish post knock. Starting to get my diet and sleep back, a little. Still finding managing 2 kids full time, full time work/house and the family dog hard. Really hard.
we have split up, and he is in his 1 bed flat in town. From a distance I am supporting his recovery and mental health (he is still paying towards the bills for the home etc) and I don't want him to harm himself.
i do occasionally meet him to walk the dog and talk over house arrangements and the ongoing investigation.
im really struggling with the constant resentment that he just works and seemingly chills in his flat- no responsibilities etc. can socialise/gym/sleep/run/eat when he wants.
don't get me wrong, he is massively worried about the investigation and the future but it seems so unfair, I have all the stress and have had to manage the situation with my employer due to my job and feel scrutiny of that plus social care. Its hard not to feel so angry with him! I'm exhausted all the time while he sleeps in on weekends etc. how is this fair to those who have done nothing wrong?
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Thanks for reply. He does take the dog out occasionally. But can't do the early morning walks and it's not always easy because he cannot come to the house when the children are present as no contact with under 18s on bail conditions. He says he is massively sorry for putting us in this position and for me having to manage everything. And is very remorseful for not reporting the image he was sent which has now ruined all of our lives. It's so so hard.
I can completely understand where you are coming from. My OH and I are separated and he is living with his parents. He's been off work with stress and mental health for months and his parents are doing everything for him, so he doesn't do any house work, cooking or washing. He just goes running and cycling whenever he wants. He always said he found parenting hard and always wanted time to ourselves with out the kids, he also used to say that he couldn't do as much training as he wanted. Well I guess you should be careful what you wish for as he now has all the time in the world to do his stuff. It does make you resentful. I barely get to go running once every two weeks. I'm so busy with the kids and work that I don't get any time to myself.
I understand your feelings. He won't have such a cushy life if he ends up in prison!! That thought made me feel better!!!
This sounds so familiar! We're four months post-knock and he's spending long weekends with his parents where they do everything for him, then comes home for two or three nights in the week while we close our business, but I do pretty much everything at home.
We're splitting up and the house is going on the market, so he was supposed to come and help clean/tidy/sort inside and out but made an excuse last minute and left it all to me. The only thing he's done is pack up and take a load of his things to his parents.
Meanwhile, I'm also organising the closing down of our business and all associated paperwork, ending of contracts, etc., and I've started a new job, so I barely have a minute to myself.
Once the business is closed he'll move in with his parents full time, have no job and no responsibilities, while I continue to run the house, work full time, organise house viewings,, and find somewhere new to live.
Oh and no doubt it'll be me who negotiates the sale, and sorts the divorce and legalities around finances and belongings.
I can't believe it's come to this - until October last year we had a brilliant, happy, long marriage with a wonderful future ahead. But there's no way I can stay with him after him lying to and deceiving me for all those years (it's not only iioc and has been going on since before we were together).
It's impossible not to feel anger and resentment when none of this is of my doing. He's wasted 20+ years of my life.
We're splitting up and the house is going on the market, so he was supposed to come and help clean/tidy/sort inside and out but made an excuse last minute and left it all to me. The only thing he's done is pack up and take a load of his things to his parents.
Meanwhile, I'm also organising the closing down of our business and all associated paperwork, ending of contracts, etc., and I've started a new job, so I barely have a minute to myself.
Once the business is closed he'll move in with his parents full time, have no job and no responsibilities, while I continue to run the house, work full time, organise house viewings,, and find somewhere new to live.
Oh and no doubt it'll be me who negotiates the sale, and sorts the divorce and legalities around finances and belongings.
I can't believe it's come to this - until October last year we had a brilliant, happy, long marriage with a wonderful future ahead. But there's no way I can stay with him after him lying to and deceiving me for all those years (it's not only iioc and has been going on since before we were together).
It's impossible not to feel anger and resentment when none of this is of my doing. He's wasted 20+ years of my life.
This sounds so familiar! We're four months post-knock and he's spending long weekends with his parents where they do everything for him, then comes home for two or three nights in the week while we close our business, but I do pretty much everything at home.
We're splitting up and the house is going on the market, so he was supposed to come and help clean/tidy/sort inside and out but made an excuse last minute and left it all to me. The only thing he's done is pack up and take a load of his things to his parents.
Meanwhile, I'm also organising the closing down of our business and all associated paperwork, ending of contracts, etc., and I've started a new job, so I barely have a minute to myself.
Once the business is closed he'll move in with his parents full time, have no job and no responsibilities, while I continue to run the house, work full time, organise house viewings,, and find somewhere new to live.
Oh and no doubt it'll be me who negotiates the sale, and sorts the divorce and legalities around finances and belongings.
I can't believe it's come to this - until October last year we had a brilliant, happy, long marriage with a wonderful future ahead. But there's no way I can stay with him after him lying to and deceiving me for all those years (it's not only iioc and has been going on since before we were together).
It's impossible not to feel anger and resentment when none of this is of my doing. He's wasted 20+ years of my life.
We're splitting up and the house is going on the market, so he was supposed to come and help clean/tidy/sort inside and out but made an excuse last minute and left it all to me. The only thing he's done is pack up and take a load of his things to his parents.
Meanwhile, I'm also organising the closing down of our business and all associated paperwork, ending of contracts, etc., and I've started a new job, so I barely have a minute to myself.
Once the business is closed he'll move in with his parents full time, have no job and no responsibilities, while I continue to run the house, work full time, organise house viewings,, and find somewhere new to live.
Oh and no doubt it'll be me who negotiates the sale, and sorts the divorce and legalities around finances and belongings.
I can't believe it's come to this - until October last year we had a brilliant, happy, long marriage with a wonderful future ahead. But there's no way I can stay with him after him lying to and deceiving me for all those years (it's not only iioc and has been going on since before we were together).
It's impossible not to feel anger and resentment when none of this is of my doing. He's wasted 20+ years of my life.
I don't have young kids but the feelings of anger and resentment are totally valid.
I'm having to go back to work full time and if I manage to buy myself somewhere to live I will have to work till I'm 70 to pay the mortgage. Not where I thought I would be in my late 50s.
I'm having to go back to work full time and if I manage to buy myself somewhere to live I will have to work till I'm 70 to pay the mortgage. Not where I thought I would be in my late 50s.
I was already divorced when he got the knock which is almost 2 years ago. Life was going ok as a single mum, I got the breaks I needed when they went to their dad's since then kids 24/7 now.
i also feel like he has been able to live the life of a single guy not having to consider how hard it is for me. I can't tell the children what is going on either. I'm made to feel like it's my fault he doesn't see the children!
i also feel like he has been able to live the life of a single guy not having to consider how hard it is for me. I can't tell the children what is going on either. I'm made to feel like it's my fault he doesn't see the children!