Family and Friends Forum

hi,

sorry to hear that you're going through this but I was in the exact same boat as you only being a couple of weeks pregnant when we got the knock in the early hours.

I won't lie but it can be difficult at times, but I personally don't understand why they'd tell you your partner won't be able to attend the birth, my OH was allowed as I was adament that I wanted him there, explained that to my midwife, prenatal mental health person, health visitor, literally everyone involved. I don't know if you've been contacted yet, but when I was going through this we would have a safeguarding midwife attend core group meetings who was also fine with him attending the birth, he just wasn't allowed on the maternal wards with me afterwards. I think with that kind of thing you really have to put your foot down, but at the same time maybe have a second birth partner in with you as well as your partner.

Admittedly he can't help with any cares like nappy changes, bath, bed etc but at the same time it feels like we're no further into the investigation over a year on. We haven't been able to live together which is a massive struggle, but we're trying to get by with what we can.

I'm always a message away if you need to talk x

I was 8 weeks pregnant at the knock. My OH's case was resolved within 6 months and I gave birth 6 ish weeks after sentencing.

My OH has no restrictions on his SHPO around contact so was allowed at the birth, he was allowed with me during all visiting hours just like any other new Dad. We were told we would need to see the safeguarding midwife before we left but our SW discussed it with her manager and they made the decision as long as we were both medically fit we were allowed home as normal.

I had a traumatic birth and needed extra care so we ended up staying in a few days post labour, but not because of the safeguarding issue.

We were on a CIN for approximately 4 ish weeks. We had one meeting 2 weeks before I gave birth and one 2 weeks after. We closed to social care in that second meeting as to quote our SW 'I'm not doing anything because you're both doing everything you need to'.

My OH has no restrictions around being able to care for our baby e.g personal care etc.

I feel like we are a unicorn and have been very lucky with our situation.

For context though, I work in a school under the same local authority as the social care team we worked with and I have actually had the same safeguarding training as them, which was derived and delivered by the LA to me at a training day in September at work. This is training I have refreshers on every 3 years so it is the third time I've received it on top of all other CPD I've done around safeguarding.

I compiled all completion certificates of things I've done over the years to send to our SW and it transpired I've done 11 courses as well as the LA training. I do feel that this helped as I know what to look out for in terms of abuse.

I recommend looking into ACEs. Adverse Childhood Experiences (which this whole journey falls under in my opinion). It will give you an understanding of the effect things like this have on children and will give you something to back up your points around wanting their Dad around so the don't actually experience an ACE.

Ultimately, it is achievable to have a normal family life as we are doing so, our baby is around a month old now and has had a totally normal life so far. Just work with social care but stand your ground and don't let them tell you what to do. Do some safeguarding training, I'm fortunate in that none have cost me due to what I can access through work but the NSPCC do offer some courses.

Take care and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Try to relax, I know from experience it's hard but doable.

LR23 xxx