I can’t move on and I’m a mess!
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Hi all, hope this finds you all well.
It's been 2 months since we had the knock on the door and I'm still struggling. I feel like a real failure!
I was signed off from work - for 7 weeks, went back, struggling so much I've been signed off again. The doctor says it's 'reactive stress' and 'depression'. The door bell ringing that day (and now every time it rings I'm thrown back there) ... I can't get the policeman's faces out my head ... I'm convinced they are going to come back ... A flashing light ... it all sets me off, and other things.
I don't really want to go out, I just want to stay home ... I'm my safe place (watching the door in case anyone comes and rings the bell).
Top that with social worker meetings, child in need meetings, my children (who are both struggling), dealing with everything ... hes not allowed to see the children and we are at the beginning of the assessment - the s/w has said it'll be around 2 months to complete.
I'm on medication, which isn't working yet ... I feel a mess! I have great friends, family (although they don't understand why I would have any contact with him), but I feel a mess and on my own.
Sorry to off load on you all. Take care everyone.
It's been 2 months since we had the knock on the door and I'm still struggling. I feel like a real failure!
I was signed off from work - for 7 weeks, went back, struggling so much I've been signed off again. The doctor says it's 'reactive stress' and 'depression'. The door bell ringing that day (and now every time it rings I'm thrown back there) ... I can't get the policeman's faces out my head ... I'm convinced they are going to come back ... A flashing light ... it all sets me off, and other things.
I don't really want to go out, I just want to stay home ... I'm my safe place (watching the door in case anyone comes and rings the bell).
Top that with social worker meetings, child in need meetings, my children (who are both struggling), dealing with everything ... hes not allowed to see the children and we are at the beginning of the assessment - the s/w has said it'll be around 2 months to complete.
I'm on medication, which isn't working yet ... I feel a mess! I have great friends, family (although they don't understand why I would have any contact with him), but I feel a mess and on my own.
Sorry to off load on you all. Take care everyone.
You're absolutely not a failure. Two months in is still really early days. I know that there are expectations from all angles but try to take some time for yourself each day.
If you think that the children would be better emotionally if they were allowed to see your OH then perhaps put forward a family member who is willing and able to supervise contact while the sw assessment process continues to allow you to supervise or whatever plan you have for moving forward.
Be kind to yourself, grief and trauma aren't the same for everyone and there are no rules for if you find yourself in this situation xxx
If you think that the children would be better emotionally if they were allowed to see your OH then perhaps put forward a family member who is willing and able to supervise contact while the sw assessment process continues to allow you to supervise or whatever plan you have for moving forward.
Be kind to yourself, grief and trauma aren't the same for everyone and there are no rules for if you find yourself in this situation xxx
Hi, please please know that it's totally normal to feel 'not normal' at the stage that you are at - many, many of us have been through and experienced everything that you are dealing with. And recovery/moving forward takes a long time - it's very early days for you. It does get better.
In some ways your doctor is correct, but actually, it's likely that you are also dealing with intense trauma (there are very very few life events that inflict such enormous and ongoing trauma on innocent people associated with others' behaviour). The situation also brings with it a sense of grief.
If helpful, take a look at my story pinned at the top of this board: 'Shared experience: the journey to Planet Knock'. I wrote this a few months after we received 'The Knock'.
We are walking alongside you - you may feel lonely but you are not alone.
Sending you strength and serenity.
In some ways your doctor is correct, but actually, it's likely that you are also dealing with intense trauma (there are very very few life events that inflict such enormous and ongoing trauma on innocent people associated with others' behaviour). The situation also brings with it a sense of grief.
If helpful, take a look at my story pinned at the top of this board: 'Shared experience: the journey to Planet Knock'. I wrote this a few months after we received 'The Knock'.
We are walking alongside you - you may feel lonely but you are not alone.
Sending you strength and serenity.
Bless you Mary - never ever ever, think you are a failure, your certainly not.
Each one of us have been thrust into a traumatic situation we never thought in a million years would happen to us. But so sadly here we are.
Please, don't think you have failed in any way, shape or form xxxxx
Each one of us have been thrust into a traumatic situation we never thought in a million years would happen to us. But so sadly here we are.
Please, don't think you have failed in any way, shape or form xxxxx
Oh Mary, I remember only too well feeling just as you've described. Those early days, weeks and months are so incredibly painful and traumatic. If your medication isn't starting to help after about 6 weeks it might be that you need to go back to the prescriber to ask about changing the dose. I ended up having to take 2 different types of medication before it started to make a difference but eventually it did start to help. I also tried to spend time each day practising mindfulness and listening to relaxation apps. I'm not sure how much they helped but I got through and so will you.
Please keep reaching out, we're here to walk alongside you supporting you however we can.
Please keep reaching out, we're here to walk alongside you supporting you however we can.
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