Family blues
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Hi, I haven't been on for a long while, mostly as I get too upset, relive it and I'm trying so hard to move on. Partner 18 months post sentencing for iioc.
today is a down day.
I just struggle so much with the way 'family' treat me. I totally understand if they want nothing to do with him, but I haven't done anything wrong.
The kids and I have not been invited to things, family gatherings, parties, days out. I have said so many times that we would go without partner and we understand him not being invited.
Some vowed to support all of us then as time went on have backed off and cut me and the kids out too.
One family member and their kids have been around all of us, shook hands with partner, treated him as normal and was supportive. Now a year on doesn't want anything to do with us but I've found the change in opinion hard. Like why now when nothings changed?
id like to think if something like this happened to someone i knew, I would always be there for the partner and children, they are the innocent people trying to do their best.
today is a down day.
I just struggle so much with the way 'family' treat me. I totally understand if they want nothing to do with him, but I haven't done anything wrong.
The kids and I have not been invited to things, family gatherings, parties, days out. I have said so many times that we would go without partner and we understand him not being invited.
Some vowed to support all of us then as time went on have backed off and cut me and the kids out too.
One family member and their kids have been around all of us, shook hands with partner, treated him as normal and was supportive. Now a year on doesn't want anything to do with us but I've found the change in opinion hard. Like why now when nothings changed?
id like to think if something like this happened to someone i knew, I would always be there for the partner and children, they are the innocent people trying to do their best.
Hello,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
If you haven't already done so, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support and do their best to answer your questions. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
If you haven't already done so, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support and do their best to answer your questions. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Hi - family situations that occur are an absolute nightmare on this journey. I think after the official procedures, struggles with families are spoke about most on the forum.
Its hard for people to digest this scenario unless your living it and because of its nature they make assumptions and be judgmental. Which is unfair as the innocent like you and I are also tarnished in the backlash.
i found over time views can change and fluctuate. Although I perhaps disagree with others, I respect their opinion . I wish they would respect my opinion, but it sadly is what it is....
I stand strongly by my stance and I try not to be consumed by worrying what others think. I haven't the time or energy. (I know this can be easier said than done).
not sure whether this will help you , but understand your pain - it's all so very unfair xxx
Its hard for people to digest this scenario unless your living it and because of its nature they make assumptions and be judgmental. Which is unfair as the innocent like you and I are also tarnished in the backlash.
i found over time views can change and fluctuate. Although I perhaps disagree with others, I respect their opinion . I wish they would respect my opinion, but it sadly is what it is....
I stand strongly by my stance and I try not to be consumed by worrying what others think. I haven't the time or energy. (I know this can be easier said than done).
not sure whether this will help you , but understand your pain - it's all so very unfair xxx
Post deleted by user
There is also the problem,that if you do meet up with family,it either dominates the conversation,or it is the elephant in the room.
Relatives do not even mention the offender & it's almost like a bereavement. There is no answer to this! You just have to battle through & treasure any positives.
I want to praise my other adult children on the success they have made of their lives,but still acknowledge that their brother exists & can move forward in a positive way.
Today I am hopeful. I may not be tomorrow!
Relatives do not even mention the offender & it's almost like a bereavement. There is no answer to this! You just have to battle through & treasure any positives.
I want to praise my other adult children on the success they have made of their lives,but still acknowledge that their brother exists & can move forward in a positive way.
Today I am hopeful. I may not be tomorrow!
Hi, I lost all my friends and my three, now adult daughters because of what my ex did. It's been utterly devastating. I completely understand the feeling of injustice. It's so terribly hard. X
I want to say I'm sorry for how you are feeling. I am sorry because I have treated my sister-in-law (who's husband is the offender) the same way. I do not invite her and the kids to events outside of immediate family events. I can tell you it is difficult on this end as well, inviting her does cause an elephant in the room situation, but it also causes a lot of us "outsiders" to relive our own trauma around the situation. It is not right, or fair, and we know it, but at the moment it is the best we can do to maintain our own sanity. I am sorry though, for you and all the others that have been treated this way, and I do hope we can improve as time goes on.