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Back in April 23 my son got arrested. His situation isn't like others that I've read.
My son has a porn addition and would spend hours searching for legal porn. He came across iioc and this mentally messed him up. He couldn't take anymore and rang the doctors for help as he was very suicidal. He told the doctor everything. He was also very honest and open with me. The doctor was so good and understanding and with his permission she called me to let me know that she would have to pass details on to the safeguarding team as I have a younger son (although my eldest son didn't even live at home). The safeguarding team then reported it to the police so we knew what was coming before the police turned up to arrest him. We was ready for it.
After a long 11 months he is charged with 1 cat A and 2 cat B. I'm not sure why I finally decided to write this post, I just feel so alone. I know he's done wrong and I shouldn't say but....but I've seen what these images have done to him, he's been so messed up and in turn has messed me up too. I'm so scared about what happens from here.
Back in April 23 my son got arrested. His situation isn't like others that I've read.
My son has a porn addition and would spend hours searching for legal porn. He came across iioc and this mentally messed him up. He couldn't take anymore and rang the doctors for help as he was very suicidal. He told the doctor everything. He was also very honest and open with me. The doctor was so good and understanding and with his permission she called me to let me know that she would have to pass details on to the safeguarding team as I have a younger son (although my eldest son didn't even live at home). The safeguarding team then reported it to the police so we knew what was coming before the police turned up to arrest him. We was ready for it.
After a long 11 months he is charged with 1 cat A and 2 cat B. I'm not sure why I finally decided to write this post, I just feel so alone. I know he's done wrong and I shouldn't say but....but I've seen what these images have done to him, he's been so messed up and in turn has messed me up too. I'm so scared about what happens from here.
Hi Jacx3, you sound like a wonderful, caring and supportive mum - your son will take great strength and comfort from your support. As awful as this situation is, you will come through this, and there are lots of happy, healthy time ahead for you all.
As well as LFF, there are lots of sources of specialist support and understanding for your son - he is absolutely not alone, and his route to accessing illegal images is a well recognised and increasingly common pathway.
You and he might want to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Andysmanclub: free support groups across the UK and online. Aim to end the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and help men through the power of conversation.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
As well as LFF, there are lots of sources of specialist support and understanding for your son - he is absolutely not alone, and his route to accessing illegal images is a well recognised and increasingly common pathway.
You and he might want to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Andysmanclub: free support groups across the UK and online. Aim to end the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and help men through the power of conversation.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
Thank you so much for the reply, I will definitely look into the info you have shared with me. Thank you
Jaxc
Well done for reaching out, you are deffinatly not alone we are all here to offer support and we all totally understand how you are feeling
Sending hugs xx
InTatters has given some really good places to reach out for some guidance x
Well done for reaching out, you are deffinatly not alone we are all here to offer support and we all totally understand how you are feeling
Sending hugs xx
InTatters has given some really good places to reach out for some guidance x
Upset mum, thank you. It's a really lonely time right now and to know there are people who can understand where I'm at really does mean alot. I'm going to look into therapy for myself and my son and also for his sister. I just want it to all be over and it feels like it never will be.
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I'm not portraying my son as innocent, and he will pay for his crimes
What I mean by his story being different is 'the knock' wasn't unexpected, he basically handed himself in because he couldn't deal with what he had come across.
I do feel like I have failed him as a mum and wish I could take him out of this nightmare we are living.
What I mean by his story being different is 'the knock' wasn't unexpected, he basically handed himself in because he couldn't deal with what he had come across.
I do feel like I have failed him as a mum and wish I could take him out of this nightmare we are living.
Hi lovely,
I think all us mums (and dads) wish we could take this nightmare away from our sons, I agree you feel so helpless and as when they were 'little' would do anything to try to take their pain away.
But we cannot do that. All we can do is give them our love and support. I've took massive risks in standing by my son and I really dread to think where he would be without me....... it's been hard but I have found peace with decisions I have made.
I think all us mums (and dads) wish we could take this nightmare away from our sons, I agree you feel so helpless and as when they were 'little' would do anything to try to take their pain away.
But we cannot do that. All we can do is give them our love and support. I've took massive risks in standing by my son and I really dread to think where he would be without me....... it's been hard but I have found peace with decisions I have made.
It's an unusual one, because the Internet Watch Foundation says that if you come across iioc, you should report it to them and they will get the images removed. But once you have viewed those images, they are on your device and you have committed a crime, because you now possess them.
So the IWF could report you to the police, but they don't, because if they did, nobody would ever go to them and report these images.
I would hope that the circumstances of this particular case were explained to the police and the CPS. That's the solicitors job, after all. The CPS always has a choice not to prosecute, if it is considered not to be in the public interest. There might be an argument for that here, but his solicitor needs to push for it. It won't just happen automatically.
If it does go to court, then the judge should at the very least take it into account when sentencing.
So the IWF could report you to the police, but they don't, because if they did, nobody would ever go to them and report these images.
I would hope that the circumstances of this particular case were explained to the police and the CPS. That's the solicitors job, after all. The CPS always has a choice not to prosecute, if it is considered not to be in the public interest. There might be an argument for that here, but his solicitor needs to push for it. It won't just happen automatically.
If it does go to court, then the judge should at the very least take it into account when sentencing.
Smile - thank you for your reply. I'm trying my very best to give him the right support and get him the best help I can find. I will stand by him and lose people along the way I'm sure.
Edel2020 - my son did report the pictures, has emails to show that. The police are aware but his solicitor thinks that the CPS is not aware so he is going to liaise with them now.
It's just an awful time that I'm really struggling with at the moment.
Edel2020 - my son did report the pictures, has emails to show that. The police are aware but his solicitor thinks that the CPS is not aware so he is going to liaise with them now.
It's just an awful time that I'm really struggling with at the moment.