Ex on SOR and has a new partner
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Does your ex have a SHPO? Usually one of the restrictions is no unsupervised contact with under 16s also I'm sure on the SOR it stated you have to inform the police if you are residing with someone under 18 for more than 12 hours?. I think he's treading a dangerous line if he's just keeping it all quiet from his new girlfriend as if the police find out I'm sure they will inform her?
He doesn't have a SHPO but the restrictions of the SOR are no over nights with children in the house and social said supervised contact. He's asked me if he can take our child to meet her this weekend but they're still in nappies and he's not allowed to do intimate care so how is he going to ask her to do that without it being weird that he's not doing it. Should I ask social services to do an assessment on her do you think to check shes suitable to do supervised contact? I mean, I'd love a break from being a mum 24/7 but I'm not willing to risk losing my child over it.
I've not been in your situation but I couldn't read and not respond. I wouldn't let my child go to anyone I'd not met, particularly for doing things like personal care. The fact that she doesn't know that he isn't allowed to not be supervised with your child leaves all of you open to potentially being uncomfortable or worse. I can't put it any nicer than that, I'm sorry.
Could you explain to him that he either needs to disclose to her or you need to meet her and ask if she is willing to supervise contact by having an assessment done before you'll allow your child to go? The whole situation reads like a series of red flags to be honest. He is taking massive risks but you don't need to. Believe me, I know the need to be able to do stuff without a toddler constantly around but I really think he's building his new relationship on lies and it's too early for your child to be involved in all of that xx
Could you explain to him that he either needs to disclose to her or you need to meet her and ask if she is willing to supervise contact by having an assessment done before you'll allow your child to go? The whole situation reads like a series of red flags to be honest. He is taking massive risks but you don't need to. Believe me, I know the need to be able to do stuff without a toddler constantly around but I really think he's building his new relationship on lies and it's too early for your child to be involved in all of that xx
If I were you I would tell him no unless the new girlfriend agrees to an assessment. Please don't take this the wrong way but he doesn't sound like he'd be truthful to you anyway and he might just say she's had an assessment etc. it must be very hard to have young children 24/7 and I totally get that you want some free time but I wouldn't be letting your ex take over. Have you got family or friends that can help you and babysit? Even if they come to yours and you can just chill for a few hours. Take care love
If SS has mandated contact must be supervised, who would supervise while the child is with dad and new partner? The new partner cannot supervise if she's not aware of the crimes and usually also need SS approval to supervise anyways.
I'm in the same boat where I'd love some me-time (have a one year old) but risking getting your child hurt or facing the consequences from SS are not worth it at all.
Could you try to get your child into nursery part time if they're old enough to qualify for a free place?
I'm in the same boat where I'd love some me-time (have a one year old) but risking getting your child hurt or facing the consequences from SS are not worth it at all.
Could you try to get your child into nursery part time if they're old enough to qualify for a free place?
Definitely don't let your child go. If ss find out they could get more involved because if this new woman doesn't know then he will be unsupervised with your child which also means he will do personal care and so on.
I'd say to him that you will speak to social worker and see what they think is the best plan forward see what his reaction is to if he wants you to or changes his mind. This woman could be anyone and could put your child at further risk or harm
I'd say to him that you will speak to social worker and see what they think is the best plan forward see what his reaction is to if he wants you to or changes his mind. This woman could be anyone and could put your child at further risk or harm
I don't hear any mention of the police here.
If you tell the social worker what is going on, they will have to inform the police and the police will almost certainly insist on disclosing to the new partner.
And that's the minimum. He could also be charged with breaching the SOR rules too.
If you tell the social worker what is going on, they will have to inform the police and the police will almost certainly insist on disclosing to the new partner.
And that's the minimum. He could also be charged with breaching the SOR rules too.
Edel,
The original poster said that he'll deny all knowledge if she tells anyone. She doesn't know the new partners name or her child's name. Will the police be able to prove anything? The same with social services, without names it all feels a lot more difficult to report as it's her word against his xx
The original poster said that he'll deny all knowledge if she tells anyone. She doesn't know the new partners name or her child's name. Will the police be able to prove anything? The same with social services, without names it all feels a lot more difficult to report as it's her word against his xx
I doubt that the police would let it go, just because he denied it. The police always assume the worst about people who are on the register. Even an allegation in these circumstances would cause huge problems for him.
They can visit anytime and if they think a child might be at risk, then the visits would become more and more frequent. They have even been known to use undercover surveillance to track peoples movements, if they believe someone is hiding something from them. They would certainly seize his phone and check it for any messages.
They will quickly be able to find out whose numbers he has called and trace the person that way. He could lose everything including the right to see his own children. This is a huge risk he is taking.
They can visit anytime and if they think a child might be at risk, then the visits would become more and more frequent. They have even been known to use undercover surveillance to track peoples movements, if they believe someone is hiding something from them. They would certainly seize his phone and check it for any messages.
They will quickly be able to find out whose numbers he has called and trace the person that way. He could lose everything including the right to see his own children. This is a huge risk he is taking.
Thank you everyone for your replies. He went away for a nice weekend away with her and her child over Easter and asked again to take our child for a day out later in the week. Obviously, he'll be telling her I'm stopping him from seeing our child and I'm sick of it to be honest. I'm calling social services this week to get some advice and asking what the next steps forward will be as I don't want to supervise contact anymore. None of this shizzle is my fault and I'm so tired of being dragged down by it all.
Oh and I've found out her full name, area they live in and her child's first name and DOB. They're not in our council area though (The next city over). Is that going to cause problems do you think with it being two different areas?
Oh and I've found out her full name, area they live in and her child's first name and DOB. They're not in our council area though (The next city over). Is that going to cause problems do you think with it being two different areas?
It shouldn't cause issues as there should be a way for ss to work across the different areas. I know it's possible in the cases of foster parents being found outside of the council that the child is under so this shouldn't be any different.
It is massively concerning that he is hiding this from his new partner when their relationship is clearly moving at some speed. I hope that you're ok xxx
It is massively concerning that he is hiding this from his new partner when their relationship is clearly moving at some speed. I hope that you're ok xxx
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So basically his new girlfriend doesn't know he's on the SOR?. I'm sure you have to inform the police if you are staying anywhere longer than 12 hours with an under 18? And he's just spent a weekend with them. He playing a dangerous game as a breach could land him back in court?
How did you get on with ss? xxx
They've taken all the details and are going to contact SS in her area, my kids are getting reassessed (fan blumming tastic but not a S47) and they're contacting his liaison woman with the police. She said I'd done the right thing and it'll be in all the documentation that I've initiated this and I'm following the correct safeguarding procedures...I said I didn't know for certain if he'd told the police because I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but found it odd that SS hadn't been contacted if he has told them, she also asked if I would want the new woman assessed to supervise during the day.. and over night (!?) which shocked me so I just said yes but I realised later I told the woman the he was on the SOR but not what for so who knows if that'll happen. I've not received an irrate phone call from him yet so I'm assuming everything is happening in the back ground at the moment.
That's a bizarre thing to ask especially about overnight stays. I suppose it could be their way of assessing whether it's possible that you're reporting due to having an issue with his new relationship rather than for safeguarding reasons.
Perhaps when they come back to do the assessment mention that the question caught you off guard and that it's not something you had a chance to think about. Obviously if she's aware and sticks around then perhaps her supervising post assessment may be an option but I feel it was wrong of them to put you on the spot like that xx
Perhaps when they come back to do the assessment mention that the question caught you off guard and that it's not something you had a chance to think about. Obviously if she's aware and sticks around then perhaps her supervising post assessment may be an option but I feel it was wrong of them to put you on the spot like that xx