How do we tell the grandchildren?
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Hi there, I'm new to this forum and would really appreciate some advice. My Dad (who's in his 80's) was arrested in 2022 for downloading images of children. He is due to be sentenced at the Crown Court at the end of next month. Because of the number of images and that they included Cat. A to C he will either get a custodial sentence or suspended one. So far it's not made it to the media and we have managed to avoid telling our adult children (one of whom has a child of their own) but once the sentencing is done we don't want to keep it hidden from them. The problem is one lives abroad and the others live in different areas of the country.
I think telling them needs to be done in person and ideally around the same time.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you tell your children? What advice would you give?
Thanks in advance.
I think telling them needs to be done in person and ideally around the same time.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you tell your children? What advice would you give?
Thanks in advance.
Hi Sadness, I wasn't in the same situation as you because it was my adult son who offended but I had to tell my daughter, my elderly mum and my immediate family. I chose to do this straight after his arrest and I had to tell them over the phone as like you my family live in different places.
At the time of telling them I didn't have all the facts, only the information my son had chosen to tell me, so I shared that with them.
Over the following days, weeks and months I shared with them the steps he was taking to gain an understanding into why and how he had offended in the way he had, his mental health issues etc. On hindsight I can see that there were times when I was trying to defend him and I now realise I was doing this out of fear. He had lost everything and I didn't want him to lose his family too. I was also trying to process my own thoughts and found that talking through things with my family helped but at the time I told them I was still in shock myself.
I'm not sure that my post has given you any helpful information but I didn't wasn't to just read it and just scroll on.
At the time of telling them I didn't have all the facts, only the information my son had chosen to tell me, so I shared that with them.
Over the following days, weeks and months I shared with them the steps he was taking to gain an understanding into why and how he had offended in the way he had, his mental health issues etc. On hindsight I can see that there were times when I was trying to defend him and I now realise I was doing this out of fear. He had lost everything and I didn't want him to lose his family too. I was also trying to process my own thoughts and found that talking through things with my family helped but at the time I told them I was still in shock myself.
I'm not sure that my post has given you any helpful information but I didn't wasn't to just read it and just scroll on.
Hi
Another mother here. We encouraged our son (28) to tell his siblings himself in a phonecall (but we did initially tell them). The worst thing to discuss with your family.
When he did tell them, he used a 'prepared ' script from the LFF helpline.
Once it was out in the open,they all reacted differently,although communicated with each other. They are tentatively building bridges & he is grateful for that.
He has an older brother & sister + one younger. Six years between them all!. No grandchildren yet!
Just keep talking & keep them up to date. Our children were most distressed for what we were going through,as they all live away.
Best wishes
Another mother here. We encouraged our son (28) to tell his siblings himself in a phonecall (but we did initially tell them). The worst thing to discuss with your family.
When he did tell them, he used a 'prepared ' script from the LFF helpline.
Once it was out in the open,they all reacted differently,although communicated with each other. They are tentatively building bridges & he is grateful for that.
He has an older brother & sister + one younger. Six years between them all!. No grandchildren yet!
Just keep talking & keep them up to date. Our children were most distressed for what we were going through,as they all live away.
Best wishes
I managed to tell all of my adult children togther the day he was arrested but they live with me. But i told most of the family as i presumed it was a mistake and he had been held on remand. But my OH was arrested and sentenced in three weeks so we did not really have any time for the news to sink in before he pleaded gulity. We never saw him after his arrest only after sentencing. But i think in the long run it helped to tell them together as it was out in the open.