Family and Friends Forum

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It's very hard when family and friends have strong opinions, often well meaning, but ultimately it's easy for others to tell you what to do without there being an impact on them and often without having all the info. It's much more complex to decide on our own lives as we have to weigh up all the pros and cons and there are so many variables.

I would usually suggest, as a social worker, that if children want to see their parent and it is safe to see their parent then it is almost always best to continue ensuring they can spend time together. This promotes the child's identity and family life, and means they can come to their own decisions without having something imposed on them which could lead to them being frustrated, bitter, or even alienate them towards the decision maker.

If contact is supervised it can almost always be made safe, the exceptions usually relating to emotional abuse from verbal language which is harder to manage. Sometimes in situations of serious harm from parent to child contact cannot be made safe, but that doesn't sound like your situation.

You know best what's in the best interests of your children. Their emotional wellbeing and physical wellbeing is what's most important, not the opinions of anyone else.

Have you got full disclosure from solicitors to see whether what's reported by the media is the same as the legal info, as mistakes are quite frequently made!

Hi Ginluver, I'm sorry that the things you've found out are worse than you thought. It's easy for family and friends to think they know what's best for everyone involved but they are not you and are not living your situation.

If you think it's in your children's best interest to spend time with their Dad and your children's grandparents are willing to provide supervised contact then you are doing the right thing.

I think the paranoia and worry about being judged is natural when the people around you are voicing their own opinions but people will gradually get used to what you've decided to do and will hopefully gradually come to accept it. It's hard but it does eventually get easier.

It's really hard, and I'm sorry you're having to live through this. As someone who had media attention, I know what you're going through. Rest assured that it passes. Nearly everyone in our lives has been hugely supportive and the rest just leave us alone.



you're welcome to message me



hugs and solidarity to you



x

I've said it countless times but people have no idea what this situation is like unless they live through it.

People mean well - but abandoning someone you love - or in your case not allowing your children to see the dad they love is not a simple or easy decision.... and never think your a 'bad parent' you are nothing of the sort. Of course you love your children and want what's best for them.

pleasing everyone is impossible and why should you? Remember it's your life to live.

strength sent x

Hi,

the way I've managed other people's opinions is to let them know that it's me who has to live with my decisions not them. I've also asked them to trust me to make what I feel are the right decisions for my daughter. They've stopped voicing any opinion other than that they are concerned that me and little one will get hurt.

In terms of more stuff coming out in at sentencing you'll probably get a call from ss asking if you're still happy with and sticking to the safety plan. Depending on what has come out they may request to do more assessments but it may just be a case of making sure that you know about the additional information and that your safety plan reflects it xxx