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Having thought long and hard since our 'knock' came I thought I would use one thread to document things as they happen. Some may read it, some may reply, I may just end up talking to myself. But I think it will help me.
Our knock came at 07:20hours in the morning. I was running around trying to get dressed for work and my partner was doing the same. We were informed that they had intelligence that suggested that an indecent image of a child had been uploaded from our IP address some months previously. Just the 1 image, and that it was a category B image.
All of our laptops, computers, tablets and phones were searched. My partner admitted that he had used a site called kik to trade sexual images, but firmly denied having had anything to do with any images containing children. Most of our devices were then returned to us, with the exception of his phone which had to be taken away - he admitted that he had used the kik app on it, confirmed his profile name etc and confirmed that he had deleted everything he had been sent, and the app, as he had feared that I would catch him watching porn. It is no secret to me that he watches it - but we had an argument about it around the time of the alleged offence, and I think he just thought it would be easier to remove traces of it. He denies trying to hide anything.
The police then left us in our new world - he is not under arrest, he has no restrictions placed on him and he can, as stated to us, carry on with life and he doesn't have to inform anyone. He asked if he could buy a new phone, and was told he could. He was even offered a replacement phone by the police in attendance. None of this smacks of any urgency, does it?
After some lengthly discussions and some soul searching on my part I have, for now, chosen to beleive his side of things - that he was sent lots of adult images, and that in amongst this there must be an image of someone who he didn't identify as a child. He was unaware that the age of consent for sex (16) and the age of consent for porn (18) were different. He has, of his own volition, admitted that he put himself in a vulnerable position, and wants help with what appears to be an unhealthy relationship or reliance on pornography. I have made it clear that if what he is saying has happened is true, then I will support him. That is my choice, some may not agree with it, but I can't throw away my forever because he unwittingly looked at someone underage without knowing about it. I am in no way condoning his behaviour, and both he & I are fully aware that in amongst all of this is a poor girl who has been subjected to something quite horrific. He appears mortified by his actions and terrified about what the future now holds for him.
I have spoken to the officer who gave me her number today. Not being able to deal with the little nagging voice in my head I asked her if she could give me any information without breaching any data protection etc. She reiterated again that it was just 1 image, that his phone will be searched for it, and that he will then be interviewed with regards to their findings. She told me that 'a child' pertains to anyone under the age of 18 and that the picture had been viewed by someone who had categorised it as category B. I prodded some more and she said that all she can say is 'teens'. She also said we were looking at a 10 to 12 week wait for results - which is so much better than the 6 months I was expecting. We will at least know what we are dealing with before Christmas. She said that if it is just the 1 image, he will have to explain his side of things and they will then decide how to progress. If more is found then we will obviously need to re-evaluate at that point.
Where do I stand on all of this? I love him. I hate him. I worry for him. My heart hurts when I think of him ending up sad and alone. My heart hurts for the future that we had planned, involving children, that we may now need to rethink. My body reacts angrily at the thought of having to start all over again. But the bottom line is, my gut is telling me to trust him. So, until the police produce evidence to the contrary, I will stand by him. I have told him that if there is anything uncovered that goes beyond what he has told me, I will not be able to stand by him as his partner. His friend maybe, but as I am yet to have children of my own I feel like I can't invest in him if he has done anything but made a stupid mistake. Unknowingly. I cannot face the intrusion of SS being involved like all you ladies are having to contend with. As much as it pains me to think about it, I would have to put myself first and walk away. I don't think I would necessarily disapear from his life completely - this man is part of me, and I would want to see him getting help, or at least safe. But he would not have the part of me that is his girlfriend, the intimate part of me that no one else sees.
So for now, we face a 12 week wait. In around 3 months time I will either have closure to this ordeal, I will have a better idea of what the future holds, or I will have my world blown apart again and be told he has lied to me. It really is that simple. We just have to wait. It is a long and torturous wait, but I intend to enjoy what could be the last 12 weeks I have with this man, in my bubble, reassuring myself that it will be okay. He will get some therapy in relation to his porn useage, and maybe we will come out of it better and stronger. Maybe we won't. But I don't feel so inclined to live under my duvet anymore or throw myself out the window. I have those moments, but I have a big black metaphorical tin of paint, and a metaphorical roller that I use to paint over these things. I'll get back to them one day, if needed, but for now I am powerless to act on them, so they need to just be covered up.
I really want to connect with people who are in a similar situation to me, or who have had partners acquited of all this. But more importantly, I want to make the most of this rubbish situation and provide support to/access support from other women who like me, have had the rug not only ripped out from under them, but shredded into a million pieces and burned.
Sending positivity to anyone who may need it today. xo
Our knock came at 07:20hours in the morning. I was running around trying to get dressed for work and my partner was doing the same. We were informed that they had intelligence that suggested that an indecent image of a child had been uploaded from our IP address some months previously. Just the 1 image, and that it was a category B image.
All of our laptops, computers, tablets and phones were searched. My partner admitted that he had used a site called kik to trade sexual images, but firmly denied having had anything to do with any images containing children. Most of our devices were then returned to us, with the exception of his phone which had to be taken away - he admitted that he had used the kik app on it, confirmed his profile name etc and confirmed that he had deleted everything he had been sent, and the app, as he had feared that I would catch him watching porn. It is no secret to me that he watches it - but we had an argument about it around the time of the alleged offence, and I think he just thought it would be easier to remove traces of it. He denies trying to hide anything.
The police then left us in our new world - he is not under arrest, he has no restrictions placed on him and he can, as stated to us, carry on with life and he doesn't have to inform anyone. He asked if he could buy a new phone, and was told he could. He was even offered a replacement phone by the police in attendance. None of this smacks of any urgency, does it?
After some lengthly discussions and some soul searching on my part I have, for now, chosen to beleive his side of things - that he was sent lots of adult images, and that in amongst this there must be an image of someone who he didn't identify as a child. He was unaware that the age of consent for sex (16) and the age of consent for porn (18) were different. He has, of his own volition, admitted that he put himself in a vulnerable position, and wants help with what appears to be an unhealthy relationship or reliance on pornography. I have made it clear that if what he is saying has happened is true, then I will support him. That is my choice, some may not agree with it, but I can't throw away my forever because he unwittingly looked at someone underage without knowing about it. I am in no way condoning his behaviour, and both he & I are fully aware that in amongst all of this is a poor girl who has been subjected to something quite horrific. He appears mortified by his actions and terrified about what the future now holds for him.
I have spoken to the officer who gave me her number today. Not being able to deal with the little nagging voice in my head I asked her if she could give me any information without breaching any data protection etc. She reiterated again that it was just 1 image, that his phone will be searched for it, and that he will then be interviewed with regards to their findings. She told me that 'a child' pertains to anyone under the age of 18 and that the picture had been viewed by someone who had categorised it as category B. I prodded some more and she said that all she can say is 'teens'. She also said we were looking at a 10 to 12 week wait for results - which is so much better than the 6 months I was expecting. We will at least know what we are dealing with before Christmas. She said that if it is just the 1 image, he will have to explain his side of things and they will then decide how to progress. If more is found then we will obviously need to re-evaluate at that point.
Where do I stand on all of this? I love him. I hate him. I worry for him. My heart hurts when I think of him ending up sad and alone. My heart hurts for the future that we had planned, involving children, that we may now need to rethink. My body reacts angrily at the thought of having to start all over again. But the bottom line is, my gut is telling me to trust him. So, until the police produce evidence to the contrary, I will stand by him. I have told him that if there is anything uncovered that goes beyond what he has told me, I will not be able to stand by him as his partner. His friend maybe, but as I am yet to have children of my own I feel like I can't invest in him if he has done anything but made a stupid mistake. Unknowingly. I cannot face the intrusion of SS being involved like all you ladies are having to contend with. As much as it pains me to think about it, I would have to put myself first and walk away. I don't think I would necessarily disapear from his life completely - this man is part of me, and I would want to see him getting help, or at least safe. But he would not have the part of me that is his girlfriend, the intimate part of me that no one else sees.
So for now, we face a 12 week wait. In around 3 months time I will either have closure to this ordeal, I will have a better idea of what the future holds, or I will have my world blown apart again and be told he has lied to me. It really is that simple. We just have to wait. It is a long and torturous wait, but I intend to enjoy what could be the last 12 weeks I have with this man, in my bubble, reassuring myself that it will be okay. He will get some therapy in relation to his porn useage, and maybe we will come out of it better and stronger. Maybe we won't. But I don't feel so inclined to live under my duvet anymore or throw myself out the window. I have those moments, but I have a big black metaphorical tin of paint, and a metaphorical roller that I use to paint over these things. I'll get back to them one day, if needed, but for now I am powerless to act on them, so they need to just be covered up.
I really want to connect with people who are in a similar situation to me, or who have had partners acquited of all this. But more importantly, I want to make the most of this rubbish situation and provide support to/access support from other women who like me, have had the rug not only ripped out from under them, but shredded into a million pieces and burned.
Sending positivity to anyone who may need it today. xo
Hi
they told us 3 months too. 9 months on and still nothing. My partner was arrested and interviewed but no charges or restrictions. As you have no children you won’t have the intrusion of SS so will be able to function more or less normally until police get back to you.
if you go back through old posts on the forum and see those by Jaded you will see her husband was acquitted
they told us 3 months too. 9 months on and still nothing. My partner was arrested and interviewed but no charges or restrictions. As you have no children you won’t have the intrusion of SS so will be able to function more or less normally until police get back to you.
if you go back through old posts on the forum and see those by Jaded you will see her husband was acquitted
Hi Bigsigh
No children yet, but I'm fearful of what the consequences of this all will be if we do get through it as a couple and start a family.
I have done some reading around the aging of images. It is all such a complex minefield isn't it. One that no one particularly wants or knows how to navigate.
Our 12 week window was originally an 8 week window, and there is only the 1 device to go through, so hopefully that will speed things up for us.
Do you have children? How are you feeling and coping with it all? It is nice to talk to someone in a similar situation as both our men deny any intentional illegal activity. I hope we are both lucky in that sense.
I cannot find Jaded specific post but I will have another look. We do not have the money for a solicitor at the moment, but we are looking into the possibility of paying for some help once we have a charge list, so we can see what our options are. Does your other half have a solicitor?
Thanks
No children yet, but I'm fearful of what the consequences of this all will be if we do get through it as a couple and start a family.
I have done some reading around the aging of images. It is all such a complex minefield isn't it. One that no one particularly wants or knows how to navigate.
Our 12 week window was originally an 8 week window, and there is only the 1 device to go through, so hopefully that will speed things up for us.
Do you have children? How are you feeling and coping with it all? It is nice to talk to someone in a similar situation as both our men deny any intentional illegal activity. I hope we are both lucky in that sense.
I cannot find Jaded specific post but I will have another look. We do not have the money for a solicitor at the moment, but we are looking into the possibility of paying for some help once we have a charge list, so we can see what our options are. Does your other half have a solicitor?
Thanks
Hi
yes I have kids. Dealing with SS is truly awful.
my partner decided not to have a solicitor when interviewed under caution - which was total madness. At 7am in a police station with no breakfast or coffee he wasn’t thinking at his most rational. He thought he hadn’t done anything illegal so didn’t need a solicitor. BIG mistake. He has one now but hasn’t needed them as no follow up from police. All solicitors say go “no comment” but for some reason my partner thought he didn’t need to. Whatever you do don’t let your partner talk to the police without a solicitor. Even a duty solicitor (which are free if being interviewed under caution). You partner may think he has done nothing wrong but the police are very experienced at this and your partner doesn’t know the law on this subject. If he gets charged you can’t afford to NOT have a good solicitor/ barrister.
even tho we had a lot of devices (kids have a lot of Devices) there is only one device they are really interested in - even with only one we are still 9 months in. Don’t know if you read about the forensics company that the police use was hacked? So there is no even more delays across the system. If they don’t find what they want to find in their first look it will probably be sent off to high tech forensic unit - that takes ages. That is why they don’t charge them at first and loads of them are released “under investigation” rather than bailed. They can’t keep extending bail so don’t put them on bail. As you don’t have kids (and presume he doesn’t work with vulnerable people) your case will probably be at the back of the queue as he isn’t a priority. Sorry to be so negative but my experience and from experiences here on forum it is highly unusual to get anything back within 3 months
yes I have kids. Dealing with SS is truly awful.
my partner decided not to have a solicitor when interviewed under caution - which was total madness. At 7am in a police station with no breakfast or coffee he wasn’t thinking at his most rational. He thought he hadn’t done anything illegal so didn’t need a solicitor. BIG mistake. He has one now but hasn’t needed them as no follow up from police. All solicitors say go “no comment” but for some reason my partner thought he didn’t need to. Whatever you do don’t let your partner talk to the police without a solicitor. Even a duty solicitor (which are free if being interviewed under caution). You partner may think he has done nothing wrong but the police are very experienced at this and your partner doesn’t know the law on this subject. If he gets charged you can’t afford to NOT have a good solicitor/ barrister.
even tho we had a lot of devices (kids have a lot of Devices) there is only one device they are really interested in - even with only one we are still 9 months in. Don’t know if you read about the forensics company that the police use was hacked? So there is no even more delays across the system. If they don’t find what they want to find in their first look it will probably be sent off to high tech forensic unit - that takes ages. That is why they don’t charge them at first and loads of them are released “under investigation” rather than bailed. They can’t keep extending bail so don’t put them on bail. As you don’t have kids (and presume he doesn’t work with vulnerable people) your case will probably be at the back of the queue as he isn’t a priority. Sorry to be so negative but my experience and from experiences here on forum it is highly unusual to get anything back within 3 months
I'm sorry you are having to deal with SS. I hope you and your family are baring up okay.
Has your husband been charged? Or just released under investigation? My knock was also a dawn raid and they had a warrant but no questioning was done that day - or at all yet. Will he know if he is being interviewed under caution? As in will he know he needs a solicitor?
Do you have someone in the police you can call to see what is taking so long? We are meant to be getting married in about 13 months time, and if this isn't sorted by then... We'll I'm not sure what I would do.
I get that these crimes, intentional are not, are abhorrent. I appriciate that there are real life victims behind it all. But I just don't understand how it can be fair that they can deem it important enough to turn up at your address on a dawn raid, seize goods, get a warrant.... And then nothing.
If these men really were the monsters that the media makes them out to be then how is it that they are allowed to just walk around with no restrictions. I appriciate that we have no children in the house, but what about nephews, nieces, God children? They weren't asked about, yet its obvious they exist as we have photos up. I know he wouldn't harm them... But how do the police know?
Has your husband been charged? Or just released under investigation? My knock was also a dawn raid and they had a warrant but no questioning was done that day - or at all yet. Will he know if he is being interviewed under caution? As in will he know he needs a solicitor?
Do you have someone in the police you can call to see what is taking so long? We are meant to be getting married in about 13 months time, and if this isn't sorted by then... We'll I'm not sure what I would do.
I get that these crimes, intentional are not, are abhorrent. I appriciate that there are real life victims behind it all. But I just don't understand how it can be fair that they can deem it important enough to turn up at your address on a dawn raid, seize goods, get a warrant.... And then nothing.
If these men really were the monsters that the media makes them out to be then how is it that they are allowed to just walk around with no restrictions. I appriciate that we have no children in the house, but what about nephews, nieces, God children? They weren't asked about, yet its obvious they exist as we have photos up. I know he wouldn't harm them... But how do the police know?
Hi
released under investigation.
Its the forensics that take so long. And in between other (more urgent) cases come along so I presume your case just gets pushed back.
Yes your partner will be read his rights so will be aware he is being interviewed under caution. Even if the police want an “informal “ chat make sure a solicitor is present. I cannot stress enough that even if he is totally innocent or totally gill the he needs a solicitor present when talking to the police.
in terms of plans in 13 months time, I would seriously think this through first. They may find nothing and it all goes away. However the police have invested a lot of time and effort into getting a search warrant and then searching your house so will think your partner has done something and won’t just “go away”. They will work on the basis that he is guilty and he is lying. To be fair, that is probably their experience.
or they may find something which could be illegal or might not be. In which case if it is a cat B they will probably pursue it. Your partner then will prob present guilty, you would get your own forensic expert, there would be a trial etc et . All of this takes a very long time. For a “ not guilty” it seems it can be 18 months - 2 years until it is over and verdict or sentencing complete.
i am so sorry - I feel like I am a harbinger of doom but I have only seen one case on this forum that was done and dusted really quickly and that was someone in possession of a lot of images (not deleted) who immediately admitted guilt
released under investigation.
Its the forensics that take so long. And in between other (more urgent) cases come along so I presume your case just gets pushed back.
Yes your partner will be read his rights so will be aware he is being interviewed under caution. Even if the police want an “informal “ chat make sure a solicitor is present. I cannot stress enough that even if he is totally innocent or totally gill the he needs a solicitor present when talking to the police.
in terms of plans in 13 months time, I would seriously think this through first. They may find nothing and it all goes away. However the police have invested a lot of time and effort into getting a search warrant and then searching your house so will think your partner has done something and won’t just “go away”. They will work on the basis that he is guilty and he is lying. To be fair, that is probably their experience.
or they may find something which could be illegal or might not be. In which case if it is a cat B they will probably pursue it. Your partner then will prob present guilty, you would get your own forensic expert, there would be a trial etc et . All of this takes a very long time. For a “ not guilty” it seems it can be 18 months - 2 years until it is over and verdict or sentencing complete.
i am so sorry - I feel like I am a harbinger of doom but I have only seen one case on this forum that was done and dusted really quickly and that was someone in possession of a lot of images (not deleted) who immediately admitted guilt
Sorry not “present guilty “ but “plead not guilty”
Hi
I appriciate your honesty, truly I do. I probably sound naive, harping on that he just made a mistake - only time will tell. He understands that the image is cat B, and that they have determined she is under 18. He maintains that he didn't think she was. The police have said to me that he will be given a chance to explain and that they will base their decisions on what they find. Part of me is in total disbelief that all this could stem from one image - but I was there when he was told it was 1. So I know that at least that bit isn't a lie. I was also told first hand by the police that if he was intentionally looking they would have had more than 1 'ping' alerting them, and they haven't. But they have said that there could be images they will find that they aren't yet aware of. He assures me they won't and I've never known him lie. But then again I never thought we would end up here either.
The difficulty for me at the moment is this - if I stay, and he is found to be as innocent as he can be on all this, then we can move on. If there is more to it than meets the eye then I will leave as he is aware, and I will move on.
If I leave and he is then found to be telling the truth... That would crush me.
My entire world has just crashed around me with no warning and it might sound silly, but my wedding is the only good focus I have - if you ignore the but about the Groom being investigated or whatever the terminology is. I have had a tough few years before all this, but the wedding was the 1 thing that had put me back on track. Its like a safety net I can't let go of.
Are you still with your partner or have you chosen to seperate/had to separate because of your children?
Thanks for replying to me it really is all that's keeping me going at the moment.
I appriciate your honesty, truly I do. I probably sound naive, harping on that he just made a mistake - only time will tell. He understands that the image is cat B, and that they have determined she is under 18. He maintains that he didn't think she was. The police have said to me that he will be given a chance to explain and that they will base their decisions on what they find. Part of me is in total disbelief that all this could stem from one image - but I was there when he was told it was 1. So I know that at least that bit isn't a lie. I was also told first hand by the police that if he was intentionally looking they would have had more than 1 'ping' alerting them, and they haven't. But they have said that there could be images they will find that they aren't yet aware of. He assures me they won't and I've never known him lie. But then again I never thought we would end up here either.
The difficulty for me at the moment is this - if I stay, and he is found to be as innocent as he can be on all this, then we can move on. If there is more to it than meets the eye then I will leave as he is aware, and I will move on.
If I leave and he is then found to be telling the truth... That would crush me.
My entire world has just crashed around me with no warning and it might sound silly, but my wedding is the only good focus I have - if you ignore the but about the Groom being investigated or whatever the terminology is. I have had a tough few years before all this, but the wedding was the 1 thing that had put me back on track. Its like a safety net I can't let go of.
Are you still with your partner or have you chosen to seperate/had to separate because of your children?
Thanks for replying to me it really is all that's keeping me going at the moment.
He has also said that when he is presented with this image, which we know they will find because its undoubtedly linked to him, he will say that he can't remember the image (which is true, he won't recall it as this happened months ago and he isn't likely to be faced with it for a while) but if its on his phone then his actions have gotten it there somehow, just not in the manner they think. I don't know what to do. I've read on here say nothing, but at this point it feels like honesty is the best policy?
..... And now I'm in a slump again. Some days this forum helps, others it sends me down a rabbit hole of despair.
Sorry to make you feel crap x
still with my partner and he is still at home tho not allowed alone with kids. His was 5 cat c images. And my kids were on child protection plans and have SS visit every 10 days. Every one and their wife knows my business (schools, colleges etc) and because of SS involvement I realise how very serious this is and how these men are viewed.
you are on the rollercoaster and you are not allowed to get off. But you do sort of get used to it (weirdly). I have coped by arming myself with as much info and research S I can
still with my partner and he is still at home tho not allowed alone with kids. His was 5 cat c images. And my kids were on child protection plans and have SS visit every 10 days. Every one and their wife knows my business (schools, colleges etc) and because of SS involvement I realise how very serious this is and how these men are viewed.
you are on the rollercoaster and you are not allowed to get off. But you do sort of get used to it (weirdly). I have coped by arming myself with as much info and research S I can
That's what I am trying to do. I am trying to get myself ready for what the future might hold, if anything so that I can try and mitigate that 'whoosh' feeling and nothing will take me too much by surprise. Seems there are a lot of differences between each place though which doesn't help.
This is personal and you don't have to tell me - but do you believe him when he says he didn't know?
X
This is personal and you don't have to tell me - but do you believe him when he says he didn't know?
X
Hi
i have an open mind. But I am tending towards thinking he accessed a legal
website and looked at the “teens”
category. These websites now allow people to post pictures on there which are meant to be moderated and I think they do say everyone is over 18. But what bothers me is that even if he didn’t intentionally search for under age pictures, the fact that the people on there may have passed for under 18 means it is problematic. He has also admitted looking at a website of images of non indecent images (ie clothed) girls under 18. So I have 2 issues going on. The legal issue (were they actually under 18 or did he look at them knowing they were under 18) and then the other issue which is why he thought any of this was ok. I get the feeling they wanted them to look younger but also keep within the law. I don’t think men often see 16 - 18 year olds as children. But they are even though when I was growing up you could see topless 16 year olds legally in national publications.
so, do I believe him? I don’t think he knowingly looked for illegal imagery. But he was sailing close to the wind. If that makes sense.
i have an open mind. But I am tending towards thinking he accessed a legal
website and looked at the “teens”
category. These websites now allow people to post pictures on there which are meant to be moderated and I think they do say everyone is over 18. But what bothers me is that even if he didn’t intentionally search for under age pictures, the fact that the people on there may have passed for under 18 means it is problematic. He has also admitted looking at a website of images of non indecent images (ie clothed) girls under 18. So I have 2 issues going on. The legal issue (were they actually under 18 or did he look at them knowing they were under 18) and then the other issue which is why he thought any of this was ok. I get the feeling they wanted them to look younger but also keep within the law. I don’t think men often see 16 - 18 year olds as children. But they are even though when I was growing up you could see topless 16 year olds legally in national publications.
so, do I believe him? I don’t think he knowingly looked for illegal imagery. But he was sailing close to the wind. If that makes sense.
Totally makes sense.
I don't think my other half went looking for it. But the fact that he's ended up in this position means he has put himself in a vulnerable position, for the sake of a quick bit of gratification.
To me, his problem is not what he was viewing, but more the fact that he couldn't understand the dangers of doing what he did. A quick Google search shows me that no site is truly safe. So we are effectively left with 2 dilemmas - the legal one, which we will, eventually, muddle through, and the moral one - which could take a bit more time.
I've been on my own in the house today and found it nearly suffocated me. So I've opened up to a close friend in confidence. I got zero judgement and lots of support aimed at not only me, but at him as well. She's suggested that it's possible that people like mine and your OH are merely pawns in a much bigger game of chess - getting hold of their devices and finding that 1 image/those 5 images could help in leading to the bigger fish - who seem to be getting away with it and facilitating the continued abuse of children, whilst idiots like the men we've signed up to have their lives pulled apart.
I just hope that in all of this some good emerges. I can't really see what it would be at the moment, but I remain hopeful of its existence.
I don't think my other half went looking for it. But the fact that he's ended up in this position means he has put himself in a vulnerable position, for the sake of a quick bit of gratification.
To me, his problem is not what he was viewing, but more the fact that he couldn't understand the dangers of doing what he did. A quick Google search shows me that no site is truly safe. So we are effectively left with 2 dilemmas - the legal one, which we will, eventually, muddle through, and the moral one - which could take a bit more time.
I've been on my own in the house today and found it nearly suffocated me. So I've opened up to a close friend in confidence. I got zero judgement and lots of support aimed at not only me, but at him as well. She's suggested that it's possible that people like mine and your OH are merely pawns in a much bigger game of chess - getting hold of their devices and finding that 1 image/those 5 images could help in leading to the bigger fish - who seem to be getting away with it and facilitating the continued abuse of children, whilst idiots like the men we've signed up to have their lives pulled apart.
I just hope that in all of this some good emerges. I can't really see what it would be at the moment, but I remain hopeful of its existence.
Another thought I had - there doesn't seem to be many women like us on here. Is it because people don't access this site.... I'm hoping that's down to the fact that this organisation is aimed at people with problems, as opposed to those who get caught in a mess, rather than the alternative, which is that eventually, it all comes out that they knew what they were doing.
I think lots of people read the posts but don’t post anything themselves. I am careful on the site as it is public. I am also careful in my real life. Three of my friends and my mum know and that’s it. All three are people I have known a long tine and trust and have different family problems of their own so arentquick to judge
Outside of the police only 6 people know - me, my partner, 3 work colleagues who had to know due to the job I do, and the 1 close friend I opened up to today. It has certainly changed my outlook on things - I will no longer judge or make assumptions about anyone. I walked through my local high street today, pondering if anyone else was in the same situation as me. And it was then that it hit me - not my business even if they are. To the outside world we are a happily engaged couple planning our future. I like the idea of being those people for as long as we can be.
Your post is very timely! And this might lift your spirits hopefully.
My son was arrested after the knock in February this year. Early morning raid and all devices taken. I was at work when the police rang me and advised me that he had been arrested for 'child sex abuse images' and that it was 'good information'. They had to tell me due to my two jobs (both jobs involve safeguarding procedures) and although he didn't live with me, he visited me.
I don't have to explain to most people on here that I went to hell and back. Relationships destroyed as his dad (my ex) wanted nothing more to do with him. I'm heart broken that I felt the only way out for my son was suicide. When he phoned me on day two of the nightmare I almost felt disappointed that he hadn't killed himself. That is the dark place that I went to. Seven months of torture although I did my best to get on with life, it was like a cancer.
My son always swore to me that he hadn't done anything. He said that he wasn't that person the police were saying he was.
Today the police rang. They found nothing. He can call and pick his stuff up. Just like that. It's a massive understatement to say that I am relieved but equally I feel symptoms that I am sure must be PTSD. I am in shock still I think.
I wanted to share what has happened with you all as there is hope, something that I thought wasn't possible before. I thought that the police were right and I didn't believe my son's denials. I never thought for one second that he would ever hurt a child but I did think he must have been doing something stupid on-line. So now it isn't about me any longer but about him and the fact he must have felt even worse than I did. It will take us a long time to get over this.
My son was arrested after the knock in February this year. Early morning raid and all devices taken. I was at work when the police rang me and advised me that he had been arrested for 'child sex abuse images' and that it was 'good information'. They had to tell me due to my two jobs (both jobs involve safeguarding procedures) and although he didn't live with me, he visited me.
I don't have to explain to most people on here that I went to hell and back. Relationships destroyed as his dad (my ex) wanted nothing more to do with him. I'm heart broken that I felt the only way out for my son was suicide. When he phoned me on day two of the nightmare I almost felt disappointed that he hadn't killed himself. That is the dark place that I went to. Seven months of torture although I did my best to get on with life, it was like a cancer.
My son always swore to me that he hadn't done anything. He said that he wasn't that person the police were saying he was.
Today the police rang. They found nothing. He can call and pick his stuff up. Just like that. It's a massive understatement to say that I am relieved but equally I feel symptoms that I am sure must be PTSD. I am in shock still I think.
I wanted to share what has happened with you all as there is hope, something that I thought wasn't possible before. I thought that the police were right and I didn't believe my son's denials. I never thought for one second that he would ever hurt a child but I did think he must have been doing something stupid on-line. So now it isn't about me any longer but about him and the fact he must have felt even worse than I did. It will take us a long time to get over this.
Hi hilltop do you have a mumsnet account? It’s such a difficult time chin up hun you will think of all eventualities until the end I agree there is the legal issue but also the issue of his betrayal to think of! X
Hi hilltop478
I completely agree with you. Whilst the police are busy arresting those that view or get sent the images they aren't tracking down the people that are abusing these children and putting the images on the sites. If they are banned then why do they manage to get uploaded to legal sites. There will be people who disagree and say but they looked at the images but it's easier for people to say that. People aren't aware of the consequences and to be honest I didn't even know it was illegal. Obviously yes I know it's against the law to purposely search etc but if you are on something like facebook and images came up I wouldnt think that it would be recorded. Unfortunately it will be a long road and I really hope things work out for you. I'm still gutted my husband was convicted even though there were no searches or evidence of visits to illegal sites but there you go x
I completely agree with you. Whilst the police are busy arresting those that view or get sent the images they aren't tracking down the people that are abusing these children and putting the images on the sites. If they are banned then why do they manage to get uploaded to legal sites. There will be people who disagree and say but they looked at the images but it's easier for people to say that. People aren't aware of the consequences and to be honest I didn't even know it was illegal. Obviously yes I know it's against the law to purposely search etc but if you are on something like facebook and images came up I wouldnt think that it would be recorded. Unfortunately it will be a long road and I really hope things work out for you. I'm still gutted my husband was convicted even though there were no searches or evidence of visits to illegal sites but there you go x
Betty - thank you. You will NEVER know how much that post has helped me. I felt sure that they would have solid evidence to come here. I felt sure that I was facing a future where I would have to chose between my soul mate and a normal life. I don't for one second think that it's all okay because of 1 story, but amongst everyone else's sad stories yours is the beacon of hope I came to this forum looking for. I am a naturally suspicious person due to things in my life that happened long before I met my partner and I am the first to turn small situations into catastrophe situations, but through out all of this my gut has told me that something doesn't ring true with what the police have said. So from the very very bottom of my heart - Thankyou. I will sleep tonight knowing that it is possible for the police to get it wrong and that it is possible to get the "it's over" phone call from the police without any disastrous consequences.
Summer - I don't have mumsnet. It's a site I've avoided for a long time as me and my partner had trouble conceiving, and I found myself entering a rabbit hole of forums on there when we first tried for a baby. We stopped trying so that we could enjoy planning our wedding and enjoy a bit of married life. I don't think I'm strong enough to go back on there at the moment, so for now, this forum will be my outlet. Thank you also for your kind words xxx
Rainbow - I am so sorry things turned out the way they did for you. What happened in your situation? How are things with him now? Its nice to be able to vent such frustrations in a safe place as to many, the person viewing the images is tarnished with the same brush as the person who made them, the person who arranged the abuse, even the abuser. It does not in anyway condone what most of the partners of people on here have done, but to lump them all together just seems wrong. You don't class someone who kills an animal in the same way as someone who kills an animal.... A naff analogy perhaps, but hopefully you get my meaning. Xxx
Summer - I don't have mumsnet. It's a site I've avoided for a long time as me and my partner had trouble conceiving, and I found myself entering a rabbit hole of forums on there when we first tried for a baby. We stopped trying so that we could enjoy planning our wedding and enjoy a bit of married life. I don't think I'm strong enough to go back on there at the moment, so for now, this forum will be my outlet. Thank you also for your kind words xxx
Rainbow - I am so sorry things turned out the way they did for you. What happened in your situation? How are things with him now? Its nice to be able to vent such frustrations in a safe place as to many, the person viewing the images is tarnished with the same brush as the person who made them, the person who arranged the abuse, even the abuser. It does not in anyway condone what most of the partners of people on here have done, but to lump them all together just seems wrong. You don't class someone who kills an animal in the same way as someone who kills an animal.... A naff analogy perhaps, but hopefully you get my meaning. Xxx
Meant to say:
You don't class someone who kills an animal in the same way as someone who kills a person.
Flipping phone!
You don't class someone who kills an animal in the same way as someone who kills a person.
Flipping phone!
Betty!
My heart bleeds for you and your son. I hope you can move forward with your lives now but reach out for support in doing so.
7 weeks for me. My relationship with my ex is over. No idea what he's accused off except it's to do with Twitter. I grieved for him but life is moving on. I have children. We are now happy again. OP I'm sorry you've joined this club.
This forum is great. It became my lifeline in the beginning. I now check pretty much daily but don't always post. But there is always someone here who will help you process all of this.
Love to all x
My heart bleeds for you and your son. I hope you can move forward with your lives now but reach out for support in doing so.
7 weeks for me. My relationship with my ex is over. No idea what he's accused off except it's to do with Twitter. I grieved for him but life is moving on. I have children. We are now happy again. OP I'm sorry you've joined this club.
This forum is great. It became my lifeline in the beginning. I now check pretty much daily but don't always post. But there is always someone here who will help you process all of this.
Love to all x
I love the weekends. The police who initially came to the house were keen to press upon us that they only worked 9 til 5, Monday to Friday. So at least on the weekend I can feel safe in the knowledge that no one is going to come knocking on the door. Funny how your brain works isn't it.
Thanks Partner. Sending you love and best wishes. And Hilltop, I hope it works out well for you but either way you'll get through this. I am going to stay on the forum. It was a huge help to me xx
Betty - for the first time in many many years i am actually considering going to a church, just to ensure my prayers get a good shot at being heard!
Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I could say it’ll be over soon but everything I got told in terms of timelines has never been accurate. It took a year for our devices to be analysed. After the initial shock and horror of it all, a 7.3oam knock and a child protection meeting that followed, life did become almost normal again.
I have chose to believe my husband, he doesn’t spend time on the computer and isn’t secretive. All the signs that you would think like looking at porn, late nights on the pc, none of them are there for me. I guess there will always be that nagging doubt but I have asked him and he denies it.
The one thing I was told by a friend early on was not to be interviewed without a solicitor, even if it is a voluntary interview.
8 people know of what is happening, these are family and friends we have known 20+ years. They have been amazing especially since he was told to leave. I have been left managing everything in terms of the family. I can’t go into detail on here as it would definitely identify me if anyone were to read it.
I feel sad, lonely and can feel me changing from someone who was outgoing and very sociable to someone introverted.
i am glad I found this forum as I don’t feel quite so alone.
I have chose to believe my husband, he doesn’t spend time on the computer and isn’t secretive. All the signs that you would think like looking at porn, late nights on the pc, none of them are there for me. I guess there will always be that nagging doubt but I have asked him and he denies it.
The one thing I was told by a friend early on was not to be interviewed without a solicitor, even if it is a voluntary interview.
8 people know of what is happening, these are family and friends we have known 20+ years. They have been amazing especially since he was told to leave. I have been left managing everything in terms of the family. I can’t go into detail on here as it would definitely identify me if anyone were to read it.
I feel sad, lonely and can feel me changing from someone who was outgoing and very sociable to someone introverted.
i am glad I found this forum as I don’t feel quite so alone.
CornishTea what's the situation with you? It's sounds as if it is similar to mine in that they are denying any wrongdoing that they knew of?
It is tough, I spontaneously burst into tears cleaning the bath earlier and I find being out and about particularly hard - I am almost convinced that someone will guess our secret and will scream all sorts at us - impossible of course at this stage.
I also find myself flinching at the sound of cars pulling up as I remember curiously looking out on the morning of 'the knock' and thinking that it was far too early for door to door fundraisers - who of course turned out to be plain clothed police people with lanyards on, the same lanyards shown to me as I answered the door preparing to turn them away politely.
I remain hopeful that our timescales we have been given work out - the police woman I spoke to apologised as she said 3 months, telling me that they had recently been doing an 8 week turn around, but I guess we won't know until it gets here. I think I'll contact them at the 2 month mark and ask if we are on schedule, as I can't bear the thought of getting to 11 weeks only to be told it'll be another 3 months.
Fingers crossed that this nightmare is over for us all soon. At this point I'd welcome any outcome, just to get rid of all the uncertainty.
Xx
It is tough, I spontaneously burst into tears cleaning the bath earlier and I find being out and about particularly hard - I am almost convinced that someone will guess our secret and will scream all sorts at us - impossible of course at this stage.
I also find myself flinching at the sound of cars pulling up as I remember curiously looking out on the morning of 'the knock' and thinking that it was far too early for door to door fundraisers - who of course turned out to be plain clothed police people with lanyards on, the same lanyards shown to me as I answered the door preparing to turn them away politely.
I remain hopeful that our timescales we have been given work out - the police woman I spoke to apologised as she said 3 months, telling me that they had recently been doing an 8 week turn around, but I guess we won't know until it gets here. I think I'll contact them at the 2 month mark and ask if we are on schedule, as I can't bear the thought of getting to 11 weeks only to be told it'll be another 3 months.
Fingers crossed that this nightmare is over for us all soon. At this point I'd welcome any outcome, just to get rid of all the uncertainty.
Xx
I too chose to believe my husband and only hope he is telling me the truth. 9 weeks since the knock, which I relive everyday and will never get over.
I was interviewed at the time but was in so much shock I don’t even know what was asked or said.
My husband followed up enquiry this week to be told they will be another two weeks or so (not looked at devices yet) . He has his phone but hard drives desktop Mac etc been confiscated. 8 people know about it and moststand by us and support us.
i have my very bad days and some better days but this time frame and waiting is so difficult and am with you all to support each other
I was interviewed at the time but was in so much shock I don’t even know what was asked or said.
My husband followed up enquiry this week to be told they will be another two weeks or so (not looked at devices yet) . He has his phone but hard drives desktop Mac etc been confiscated. 8 people know about it and moststand by us and support us.
i have my very bad days and some better days but this time frame and waiting is so difficult and am with you all to support each other
Vanillapod I will keep everything crossed for you. I have good support in the form of a friend who will pick me up and tell me to trust my gut when I start to doubt him, she is my literal lifesaver. I can't quite bring myself to tell anyone else yet (bar the 3 people in work who needed to know).
Let's hope for Christmas presents in the form of no further action x
Let's hope for Christmas presents in the form of no further action x
Hilltop478 Images have been found on a device but none of us know where they are from. My husband is being charged but I really don't know and he doesn't either why it all points to him specifically. It was a shared computer, not a personal phone or somethign similar. I am not making excuses for anyone but in the face of a lack of proof who it is, I am not willing to throw away a 22 year marriage.
I feel absoluted traumatised like you by the behaviour and actions of the police and Children's services. I feel sick if the door bell rings or the phone rings. I am terrified by this whole process and have been prescribed beta blockers due to really bad anxiety. Prior to this I was the most together person you would ever meet, very in control and could cope with most things.
I am now a single parent and one of my children is seriously ill with a life limiting illness. I am unable to work at the moment but will have to go back soon as the last thing I need is disciplinary action due to being off work. I have no idea how I will cope with working full time and the children.
I feel absoluted traumatised like you by the behaviour and actions of the police and Children's services. I feel sick if the door bell rings or the phone rings. I am terrified by this whole process and have been prescribed beta blockers due to really bad anxiety. Prior to this I was the most together person you would ever meet, very in control and could cope with most things.
I am now a single parent and one of my children is seriously ill with a life limiting illness. I am unable to work at the moment but will have to go back soon as the last thing I need is disciplinary action due to being off work. I have no idea how I will cope with working full time and the children.
I hope we all get answers soon. I feel like I will then be able to focus on dealing with the aftermath of all the stress and shock,and deal with how anxious I am etc. I don't feel like I'll be able to work on any of that until I get closure. X
It's been a week since I posted here. Another week of limbo, another week of poor sleep and arguments. But strangely I've noticed that it hasn't been all consuming this week - I've managed to do 'normal' day to day things and I've actually managed to have conversations with my partner that don't revert to me asking him over and over again if he's telling me the truth.
Did anyone else find that this horrible experience just became part of your new normal after a while?
Did anyone else find that this horrible experience just became part of your new normal after a while?
Hi Hilltop,
yep, it becomes part of your “normal”. We’re coming out of the other side now and it’s become clear that it’s always going to be part of our day to day, because it’s affected everything in our lives.
Slowly your life keeps going and you’ll find a way of getting through each day, but you’ll still have days where you feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you, but you’ll find that your time to “bounce back” gets shorter and shorter.
Hang in there xx
yep, it becomes part of your “normal”. We’re coming out of the other side now and it’s become clear that it’s always going to be part of our day to day, because it’s affected everything in our lives.
Slowly your life keeps going and you’ll find a way of getting through each day, but you’ll still have days where you feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you, but you’ll find that your time to “bounce back” gets shorter and shorter.
Hang in there xx
Hi Hilltop
My experience is that you can't live long term in a constant state of conflict and anger. It is bad for your mental and physical well-being. I had a perpertual headache, bad skin, upset stomach and raw nerves. And that is not to mention the lack of sleep. In the end we decided, for the time being, to live with the elephant in the room. It means I bite my tongue a lot and have an angry internal monologue at times, but it is a coping mechanism and means the new normal can continue. This can't and won't last forever. I am rather hyper-active but being busy is a distraction as the hardest thing for me is to sit in the same room alone with my husband for any length of time.
I recently came across a document on the Barnardo's website called Picking Up the Pieces which includes a description of the emotional journey people in our situation go through. I found it reassuring and informative.
Ladies, have a good weekend.
My experience is that you can't live long term in a constant state of conflict and anger. It is bad for your mental and physical well-being. I had a perpertual headache, bad skin, upset stomach and raw nerves. And that is not to mention the lack of sleep. In the end we decided, for the time being, to live with the elephant in the room. It means I bite my tongue a lot and have an angry internal monologue at times, but it is a coping mechanism and means the new normal can continue. This can't and won't last forever. I am rather hyper-active but being busy is a distraction as the hardest thing for me is to sit in the same room alone with my husband for any length of time.
I recently came across a document on the Barnardo's website called Picking Up the Pieces which includes a description of the emotional journey people in our situation go through. I found it reassuring and informative.
Ladies, have a good weekend.
Thanks Izzy just read the picking up the pieces document - helpful and something I will probably go back to. Thanks for sharing xx
Thanks Izzy I'll take a look x
Hello
Don't know if anyone reads back this far but it helps for me to get everything in writing.
We are now half way through the time period the police told us to expect. I plan on ringing them at some point this week, to get some sort of update and to ask a few questions about what we can and can't do regarding travel, especially with the run up to Christmas fast approaching. We were told no restrictions, but it's probably better to check I guess.
Life is reasonably normal for us at the moment. There are still a very limited number of people who know what is going on and for the most part we seem to go day to day now without talking about it. The elephant is definitely in the room but it's quiet - for now.
I still get sad every now and then when I imagine something good coming up and then remember that it could be ruined. I also get mad at my partner sometimes as he seems to be going full steam ahead, planning things for later next year, looking at holidays - is this because he knows he is innocent? It's either that or he's an utter psychopath... I hope it's because he's innocent though.
I try not to go on here every day now... It helps me to be on here but it also hinders me in that I can't ignore it if I'm reading things on here, if that makes sense.
Praying for a positive outcome, but also just looking forward to this being over with either way. My house feels so tainted now and I get anxious at the slightest noise - the poor delivery man the other day got quite a fright when I opened the door like a fugative.
Xx
Don't know if anyone reads back this far but it helps for me to get everything in writing.
We are now half way through the time period the police told us to expect. I plan on ringing them at some point this week, to get some sort of update and to ask a few questions about what we can and can't do regarding travel, especially with the run up to Christmas fast approaching. We were told no restrictions, but it's probably better to check I guess.
Life is reasonably normal for us at the moment. There are still a very limited number of people who know what is going on and for the most part we seem to go day to day now without talking about it. The elephant is definitely in the room but it's quiet - for now.
I still get sad every now and then when I imagine something good coming up and then remember that it could be ruined. I also get mad at my partner sometimes as he seems to be going full steam ahead, planning things for later next year, looking at holidays - is this because he knows he is innocent? It's either that or he's an utter psychopath... I hope it's because he's innocent though.
I try not to go on here every day now... It helps me to be on here but it also hinders me in that I can't ignore it if I'm reading things on here, if that makes sense.
Praying for a positive outcome, but also just looking forward to this being over with either way. My house feels so tainted now and I get anxious at the slightest noise - the poor delivery man the other day got quite a fright when I opened the door like a fugative.
Xx
Hi Hilltop
i very much recognise the “fugitive” statement! My partner has persuaded me that living in fear doesn’t change anything and just wastes time. He is right, so I have been more outward going and talking to people. After 10 months of being checked up on by SS you sort of get used to being judged by random people - it’s good practice for if he gets charged/ convicted! Don’t mean to make light of it, but after having a massive sense of humour loss for many months, I think I heave earned the right to laugh in the face of adversity.
i very much recognise the “fugitive” statement! My partner has persuaded me that living in fear doesn’t change anything and just wastes time. He is right, so I have been more outward going and talking to people. After 10 months of being checked up on by SS you sort of get used to being judged by random people - it’s good practice for if he gets charged/ convicted! Don’t mean to make light of it, but after having a massive sense of humour loss for many months, I think I heave earned the right to laugh in the face of adversity.
I hope a positive outcone for you too.
we were 3months and 2 weeks which is short compared to many. We called police at 3month stage and they said it wouldnt be much longer, but the next two weeks were hell waiting so not sure if its better to know when or not.
keep your chin up and try to stay positive, no news is good news feel.
xx
we were 3months and 2 weeks which is short compared to many. We called police at 3month stage and they said it wouldnt be much longer, but the next two weeks were hell waiting so not sure if its better to know when or not.
keep your chin up and try to stay positive, no news is good news feel.
xx
Ita been exactly a week since I was woken up from my turn for a lay in by my partner and a police man standing in our bedroom door way. We have 2 children 9yr girl and 2yr old son who were both up with him getting ready to wake me for our day out. Daughter was naked when they knocked and son was half dressed (could it be any worse!)
I got sorted and come out of our bedroom to my daughter screaming and my partner standing stunned in the kitchen. He got arrested and was taking to the station for questioning. 3 hours later he was home again and the police have kept his phone and will be searching it for the next couple of weeks. They didn't take my phone or devises. He told the police and me that he was on kik and that a video did come up but he scrolled passed then didn't use it again and that he hasn't posted, shared ect any images. He insisted he's confused and that's all he can think it would be but they've said the arrest was for uploading or sharing an image or video. I have zero concerns about him with our children plus I'm a SAHM anyway and he works 12ish hour days and normally one day at the weekend. Obviously social services have been informed so I'm waiting for a call or god forbid a surprise visit(I'd really prefer time to mentally and emotionally prepared myself) I believe him that he hasn't posted anything but what triggered the police to come to our door! I also came looking for positive stories. This thread has really helped me. Especially today as I've been watching the clock thinking at this time he got arrested, at this time I was pretending to be a happy mum for my children, at this time blah blah...
Thanks for reading! Xx
I got sorted and come out of our bedroom to my daughter screaming and my partner standing stunned in the kitchen. He got arrested and was taking to the station for questioning. 3 hours later he was home again and the police have kept his phone and will be searching it for the next couple of weeks. They didn't take my phone or devises. He told the police and me that he was on kik and that a video did come up but he scrolled passed then didn't use it again and that he hasn't posted, shared ect any images. He insisted he's confused and that's all he can think it would be but they've said the arrest was for uploading or sharing an image or video. I have zero concerns about him with our children plus I'm a SAHM anyway and he works 12ish hour days and normally one day at the weekend. Obviously social services have been informed so I'm waiting for a call or god forbid a surprise visit(I'd really prefer time to mentally and emotionally prepared myself) I believe him that he hasn't posted anything but what triggered the police to come to our door! I also came looking for positive stories. This thread has really helped me. Especially today as I've been watching the clock thinking at this time he got arrested, at this time I was pretending to be a happy mum for my children, at this time blah blah...
Thanks for reading! Xx
If its of any reassurance I think they phone you once the analysis is complete - they don't turn back up (as far as I'm aware anyway) xxx
Hello All
Just reading this thread makes my heart hurt, your stories all sound familiar and I"d like to give you all a little advice from my soul.
we had the knock at the end of August my husband was taken to the Police Station to be interviewed under caution and I was left at home to be searched they took most devices however they were more interested in my husbands laptop and phone.
My Husband returned home after a few hours to the family home he was told he could have a phone (the Police did offer him one of theirs ) he could have internet access he could be at the family home he just had to leave when I went to sleep and he needed to be supervised with anyone under the age of 18. We were due to go camping the next day and he was also allowed to go on this trip.
Mu Husband admitted to accidentally downloading around 20 files, he viewed five Images and they were all children he realised they were all going to be the same and deleted everything and cleaned his computer I said that if he was telling the truth I was prepared to stand by him as my gut instinct said he was telling the truth we had been together 19 years
Moving forward Social Care becamE involves we have a 12 year old Daughter they tried to put a working agreement in which would not have worked they said that they wanted him to leave the family home at 6pm everyday however I don't get home till 5:30 which would give my Daughter maybe 15 mins contact every other day and abwhole daytime At weekends my Husband works away half the week. I did not sign and the Social Worker left to go and have a think about contact.
I carried on as normal following the Police the Police advice advice and was doing well managing to safeguard my Daughter and my Husband and continue pretty much like normal. We were left to do this for four weeks almost five and Social Care returned with the same working agreement. They treated my Husband like he was something in their shoe didn't allow him to talk and made him feel really bad. Again I said the working agreement would not work and they went off again to have another look. No where within this was my Daughter asked what she wanted.
We struggled through this week and received a phone call from the Police saying they was extending bail because the devices still needed checking however they would be happy to lift the conditions if Social Care was happy. This lifted our spirits immensely.
However Social Carevcane back all guns blazing said that the evidence they had was very concerning and we had to sign then6pm agreement we did so but we felt bullied into this we continued for a week all feeling quite down.
I found my Husband on the morning of 10th October he had drunk Bodka taken tablets and hung himself I tried to revive him but he was gone.
We have lost a Husband and a Father due to Social Care coming in heavy handed and not fully communicating with the Police they appear to have run with the referral and did not take advice from the Police.
Please everybody mo matter how your cases are going please keep an ecmxtra eye on your partners, my Husband gave no clues he felt so bad he said nothing was acting normal and upbeat but inside he was scared and worried and anxious enough to do this to himself. Even if everything sounds positive still make that extra chexk I would hate for others to go through what we are going through right now.
please take care of your loved ones xxx
Just reading this thread makes my heart hurt, your stories all sound familiar and I"d like to give you all a little advice from my soul.
we had the knock at the end of August my husband was taken to the Police Station to be interviewed under caution and I was left at home to be searched they took most devices however they were more interested in my husbands laptop and phone.
My Husband returned home after a few hours to the family home he was told he could have a phone (the Police did offer him one of theirs ) he could have internet access he could be at the family home he just had to leave when I went to sleep and he needed to be supervised with anyone under the age of 18. We were due to go camping the next day and he was also allowed to go on this trip.
Mu Husband admitted to accidentally downloading around 20 files, he viewed five Images and they were all children he realised they were all going to be the same and deleted everything and cleaned his computer I said that if he was telling the truth I was prepared to stand by him as my gut instinct said he was telling the truth we had been together 19 years
Moving forward Social Care becamE involves we have a 12 year old Daughter they tried to put a working agreement in which would not have worked they said that they wanted him to leave the family home at 6pm everyday however I don't get home till 5:30 which would give my Daughter maybe 15 mins contact every other day and abwhole daytime At weekends my Husband works away half the week. I did not sign and the Social Worker left to go and have a think about contact.
I carried on as normal following the Police the Police advice advice and was doing well managing to safeguard my Daughter and my Husband and continue pretty much like normal. We were left to do this for four weeks almost five and Social Care returned with the same working agreement. They treated my Husband like he was something in their shoe didn't allow him to talk and made him feel really bad. Again I said the working agreement would not work and they went off again to have another look. No where within this was my Daughter asked what she wanted.
We struggled through this week and received a phone call from the Police saying they was extending bail because the devices still needed checking however they would be happy to lift the conditions if Social Care was happy. This lifted our spirits immensely.
However Social Carevcane back all guns blazing said that the evidence they had was very concerning and we had to sign then6pm agreement we did so but we felt bullied into this we continued for a week all feeling quite down.
I found my Husband on the morning of 10th October he had drunk Bodka taken tablets and hung himself I tried to revive him but he was gone.
We have lost a Husband and a Father due to Social Care coming in heavy handed and not fully communicating with the Police they appear to have run with the referral and did not take advice from the Police.
Please everybody mo matter how your cases are going please keep an ecmxtra eye on your partners, my Husband gave no clues he felt so bad he said nothing was acting normal and upbeat but inside he was scared and worried and anxious enough to do this to himself. Even if everything sounds positive still make that extra chexk I would hate for others to go through what we are going through right now.
please take care of your loved ones xxx
@JDx JDx I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. How are you coping?