Pregnancy
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Been two years since conviction so I don't post anymore but do pop on time to time so I don't feel so isolated. Myself and my husband are now pregnant with our first child. My husband has finished probation but still 8 years of SHPO (only online restrictions) and SOR. A referral was made to social services at the midwife booking appointment as expected although still had no contact with them. Had a visit of his offending manager today and it's knocked me right back to square one. I knew it would be difficult digging up the hell we went through 2 years ago but I feel dreadful. I feel hugely judged for choosing to stay with my husband. The offending manager themselves said that makes me an 'unprotective parent' and that my husband would have been better getting in a new relationship after the conviction as he'd have more chance of being able to see his child if he was with someone new. She also doesn't understand why he's stopped watching porn (he had a porn addiction that got him into this mess) and says it's unhealthy and every young person should be watching porn a few times a week. I'm just gobsmacked really and not sure I have the strength to go through the rigmarole of the looming social services.
Sorry, I had to laugh so hard at the porn comment!
Just ask her next time if there's any videos she would recommend?
Congratulations on the pregnancy btw!
I too had to disclose ss involvement at the midwife booking appointment (my husband is still under investigation, so slightly different situation to yours).
The midwife made a referral, our daughter was born in December 23 and social services still haven't been in touch.
Just ask her next time if there's any videos she would recommend?
Congratulations on the pregnancy btw!
I too had to disclose ss involvement at the midwife booking appointment (my husband is still under investigation, so slightly different situation to yours).
The midwife made a referral, our daughter was born in December 23 and social services still haven't been in touch.
And no, she shouldn't be recommending porn.
Aside from being completely unprofessional saying this, mainstream porn is very problematic. It showcases a lot of violence against women. There's a lot of exploitation going on and a lot of the barely legal/incest videos are a gateway drug into indecent imagesm
Aside from being completely unprofessional saying this, mainstream porn is very problematic. It showcases a lot of violence against women. There's a lot of exploitation going on and a lot of the barely legal/incest videos are a gateway drug into indecent imagesm
Congratulations to you too!! Thank you for your reply, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking it's ridiculous what she's suggesting! My husband does agree and backed me up (he said I'm here proud that I've been 'sober' from all porn and masturbating for 3 years after a 10 year addiction and finally breaking a horrendous cycle and you're telling me I'd be seen as a lower risk if I just 'controlled myself' and watched it in moderation? and I did say he had a porn addiction - if he was an alcoholic and when he drank, he'd partook in illegal activities - would you suggest he has a few drinks a week because it's normal?
She's retiring this year too and been doing the job many years and still has this bizarre perception! She said people with addictive personalities can't just stop, they'll either carry on covertly or replace it with something equally toxic. Again, something he's spoken to a private specialised therapist about for months and she never suggested or encouraged such things!
She's retiring this year too and been doing the job many years and still has this bizarre perception! She said people with addictive personalities can't just stop, they'll either carry on covertly or replace it with something equally toxic. Again, something he's spoken to a private specialised therapist about for months and she never suggested or encouraged such things!
Firstly congratulations on the pregnancy! When I fell pregnant I was judged hugely for staying with my partner and having another baby with him (we have 2 already). The investigation was ongoing at the time I fell pregnant and has recently concluded with a caution and 2 years on the SOR for possession of 1 IIOC/psuedophotograph. At the time of his arrest this offence was known by me and the detective but they had to check his phone for more (nothing more came back). At one of my first midwife appointments I was referred to a specialist midwife in mental health or of vulnerable women (as apparently the situation of being pregnant by someone under criminal investigation immediately makes me vulnerable?) and she was horrendous. 'Was this a planned pregnancy *eyeroll*?' 'Why did you choose to stay with him?' were just a couple of questions I had. When I said his illegal activity was as a result of a porn addiction that escalated she sort of sneered and turned her nose up. She tried to book the next appointment with me and I declined and asked to be put back to my normal community midwife. It was honestly abismal.
As for the advice on your SO watching porn, that's horrendous to even suggest! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that most who access IIOC or other illegal material did so because a porn addiction escalated. Well done on him for not watching it anymore!
Wishing you well for the rest of your pregnancy and a smooth journey with SS. It's a difficult road to navigate with their involvement but hopefully they will drop your case after they've risk assessed him and if he comes back low risk :)
As for the advice on your SO watching porn, that's horrendous to even suggest! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that most who access IIOC or other illegal material did so because a porn addiction escalated. Well done on him for not watching it anymore!
Wishing you well for the rest of your pregnancy and a smooth journey with SS. It's a difficult road to navigate with their involvement but hopefully they will drop your case after they've risk assessed him and if he comes back low risk :)
@Spike
That's so interesting - our situations are almost identical, I've also fallen pregnant with our 3rd during the investigation.
I however was never referred to a specialist midwife. The booking midwife has obviously done a referral to ss, but ss never got in touch with me. I've never been asked the uncomfortable questions you have.
It's so bizarre how the same situations are handled so differently.
That's so interesting - our situations are almost identical, I've also fallen pregnant with our 3rd during the investigation.
I however was never referred to a specialist midwife. The booking midwife has obviously done a referral to ss, but ss never got in touch with me. I've never been asked the uncomfortable questions you have.
It's so bizarre how the same situations are handled so differently.
I felt a little judged at the 10 week booking appointment but it's probably the shock factor too so I don't really blame her, people that haven't been in this situation are going to find it difficult to comprehend.
The SS referral team have been in touch and the assessment team will contact me next week. Fingers crossed for a kind social worker!
In the meantime, what courses can I be doing to prepare? I'm going to start writing a safety plan and a few suggestions I have to safeguard my child.
The SS referral team have been in touch and the assessment team will contact me next week. Fingers crossed for a kind social worker!
In the meantime, what courses can I be doing to prepare? I'm going to start writing a safety plan and a few suggestions I have to safeguard my child.