My story .
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Here is my story
My person got the knock in 2021. . Plain clothes police banging on the door . Wife and young children terrified.They tried to reassure the little girl by saying she could pet the sniffer dog ( she is terrified of dogs ) so having a dog sniffing at her held by a total stranger was completely traumatising for her .
My person was arrested for IIOC ( turns out there weren’t any ) My person has PTSD and knew that he would not survive this trauma. I rang the IO and said I was going to put him in the Priory for his mental health and his addiction but he said this was not possible as there was a young persons unit ( completely separate from the main building) and therefore he could not go as he could not be around anyone under 18 overnight .
And so the trauma began . My person is from a large and supportive family and all of his sisters rallied round . My person has had become addicted to porn . He had never used an app but would regularly phone escort agency’s up and down the country( although he never met up with any of these women. On one occasion he was offered a young person . He played along and got an address and immediately called the police to report it . Job done .
He immediately thereafter joined SA as he realised that things had become an issue in that he was very disturbed by the interaction.
Fast forward one year and he received the knock.
The police took all devices and then headed to his work office and took his work computer. He was immediately suspended from work pending the outcome of the investigation. He was bailed for three months and not allowed to stay over night with his family so he spent the nights with his parents . SS then arrived am a very young social worker arrived . Her first statement was “ what’s it like to be married to a p******** ? “ The trauma of that moment will remain with his wife for the rest of her life .
I was distraught by this , worried about all the usual things “ what had he done ? Was he a P ? What would happen when people found out , what happens when the mortgage can’t be paid .
Obviously it took months (11) for the devices to be forensically analysed, during which time he repeatedly had his bail extended for random amounts of time ( 2 months, 6 weeks a month etc etc) which was beyond cruel as he has bipolar and ptsd so was in a constant state of worry and uncertainty. The firm he worked for sacked him as they decided that he was never going to return to work. The police were determined to find something, anything to charge him with and went in the end for trying to procure and pay for .. ( he never did ) .
Fortunately his solicitor had advised a no comment interview, and the file was sent off to the CPS. Many many more months of extended bail and mental heath crisis’ and debt ensued. I too had a breakdown due to the stress of the what ifs etc . The gp prescribed me a cocktail of drugs ( sleeping pills , diazepam and anti depressants. With in two days I was in hospital having had a terrifying reaction to this absurd combination. I remember nothing of this incident.
Meanwhile he had managed to get the info on his original report to the police ( which took weeks as it had been put down as intelligence’ and was not readily available.
His new solicitor advised him not to disclose this to the investigation and to continue with no comment interviews.
During this time my person attempted suicide but was found in time .
The shame and guilt I felt through these terrible dark times was at unbearable times. The sheer terror of the media etc plagued my mind 24 hours a day .
My person entered a dreadful phase of placing the blame 100% on me for his porn addiction, saying I had not comforted him enough when his father had left at 9 years old .
The vitriol , hatred he displayed towards me was simply shocking . I had to seek help from a psychologist as by now I had become a broken woman , believing it was all my fault , that I was a terrible person that I had ruined his life .
I totally forgot what it felt like to feel happy or normal. I supported his wife everyday , emotionally, physically and financially as she struggled as much as any one of us.
She had bravely stood by him but her family were appalling . The poison that her family member spouted was simply astounding. Instead of supporting his sister he chose instead to phone as many of her family as possible and banned him and by extension his sister and children from having any contact with that side of the family .
Many more months of torture ensued for his wife and extended family ( on his side of the family ) . The family stood firm in the face of this hurricane of emotional turmoil as his mental health fell apart . After another 14 months and still no charges my person attempted suicide again as he felt we would all be better off without him and he had no future . He likened the continued re bailing as being on death row , for a week before each new date his anxiety was out of control and only to be told “oh it’s extended again the day before and then crashing into despair that it was continuing. He said it felt like he was he was a hostage who was told “ we will kill your next month” and then them saying “ha ha just kidding “
At this point I was so angry that o sent an email to the IO informing him that he was in hospital and I would be taking any action to expose this treatment of suspects . After 2 days the IO rang me and I had a 2 hour conversation with him , begging him to get the CPS to charge him with anything to end this nightmare. Being on bail for over two years was very likely a much longer sentence he would be given , so just get on with it . I also reminded him of his refusal to allow him to go into the private hospital and that his likely death would be on him and the CPS and therefore if that situation arose I would shout it from the roof tops to the media and expose this scandal of inhumane torture for not only the accused but the destruction of his wife and children’s lives . I have to say the the IO was unbelievably compassionate and helpful .
Stunningly 2 days later he rang to say they had changed his status to RUI with no conditions and after 2 &half years he was able to return to his family .
His solicitor said at the time that he had NEVER heard of this happening before .
The following week he was told that it was no further action . After going through hell it was finally over . Why did it take so long to process , what was gained by this ludicrous action except pain and damage to his family .
There were no images or searches . There were no communications or apps , nothing . He was persecuted for simply doing the right thing and reporting his interaction to the police . I am so angry and disgusted with our legal system that allows this to happen . But for the sake of anonymity I would be exposing the cruelty and damage to thousands of of families across the country.
So many families affected by porn addiction, you have to wonder why when foreign governments can ban twitter /facebook etc etc , why can’t the UK government control pornography on the internet . Vigilante groups are repugnant, trapping and luring men or women but never trying to be part of a lobby for change . Destroying children’s families for the sake of their pathetic egos. Locate by all means and report to the police but to doorstep families and destroy families is despicable.
Anyway , there is so much more I want to say about the judicial process but I am sure you all know what I am talking about . Thankyou for reading this and my heart goes out to each and one of you .
My person got the knock in 2021. . Plain clothes police banging on the door . Wife and young children terrified.They tried to reassure the little girl by saying she could pet the sniffer dog ( she is terrified of dogs ) so having a dog sniffing at her held by a total stranger was completely traumatising for her .
My person was arrested for IIOC ( turns out there weren’t any ) My person has PTSD and knew that he would not survive this trauma. I rang the IO and said I was going to put him in the Priory for his mental health and his addiction but he said this was not possible as there was a young persons unit ( completely separate from the main building) and therefore he could not go as he could not be around anyone under 18 overnight .
And so the trauma began . My person is from a large and supportive family and all of his sisters rallied round . My person has had become addicted to porn . He had never used an app but would regularly phone escort agency’s up and down the country( although he never met up with any of these women. On one occasion he was offered a young person . He played along and got an address and immediately called the police to report it . Job done .
He immediately thereafter joined SA as he realised that things had become an issue in that he was very disturbed by the interaction.
Fast forward one year and he received the knock.
The police took all devices and then headed to his work office and took his work computer. He was immediately suspended from work pending the outcome of the investigation. He was bailed for three months and not allowed to stay over night with his family so he spent the nights with his parents . SS then arrived am a very young social worker arrived . Her first statement was “ what’s it like to be married to a p******** ? “ The trauma of that moment will remain with his wife for the rest of her life .
I was distraught by this , worried about all the usual things “ what had he done ? Was he a P ? What would happen when people found out , what happens when the mortgage can’t be paid .
Obviously it took months (11) for the devices to be forensically analysed, during which time he repeatedly had his bail extended for random amounts of time ( 2 months, 6 weeks a month etc etc) which was beyond cruel as he has bipolar and ptsd so was in a constant state of worry and uncertainty. The firm he worked for sacked him as they decided that he was never going to return to work. The police were determined to find something, anything to charge him with and went in the end for trying to procure and pay for .. ( he never did ) .
Fortunately his solicitor had advised a no comment interview, and the file was sent off to the CPS. Many many more months of extended bail and mental heath crisis’ and debt ensued. I too had a breakdown due to the stress of the what ifs etc . The gp prescribed me a cocktail of drugs ( sleeping pills , diazepam and anti depressants. With in two days I was in hospital having had a terrifying reaction to this absurd combination. I remember nothing of this incident.
Meanwhile he had managed to get the info on his original report to the police ( which took weeks as it had been put down as intelligence’ and was not readily available.
His new solicitor advised him not to disclose this to the investigation and to continue with no comment interviews.
During this time my person attempted suicide but was found in time .
The shame and guilt I felt through these terrible dark times was at unbearable times. The sheer terror of the media etc plagued my mind 24 hours a day .
My person entered a dreadful phase of placing the blame 100% on me for his porn addiction, saying I had not comforted him enough when his father had left at 9 years old .
The vitriol , hatred he displayed towards me was simply shocking . I had to seek help from a psychologist as by now I had become a broken woman , believing it was all my fault , that I was a terrible person that I had ruined his life .
I totally forgot what it felt like to feel happy or normal. I supported his wife everyday , emotionally, physically and financially as she struggled as much as any one of us.
She had bravely stood by him but her family were appalling . The poison that her family member spouted was simply astounding. Instead of supporting his sister he chose instead to phone as many of her family as possible and banned him and by extension his sister and children from having any contact with that side of the family .
Many more months of torture ensued for his wife and extended family ( on his side of the family ) . The family stood firm in the face of this hurricane of emotional turmoil as his mental health fell apart . After another 14 months and still no charges my person attempted suicide again as he felt we would all be better off without him and he had no future . He likened the continued re bailing as being on death row , for a week before each new date his anxiety was out of control and only to be told “oh it’s extended again the day before and then crashing into despair that it was continuing. He said it felt like he was he was a hostage who was told “ we will kill your next month” and then them saying “ha ha just kidding “
At this point I was so angry that o sent an email to the IO informing him that he was in hospital and I would be taking any action to expose this treatment of suspects . After 2 days the IO rang me and I had a 2 hour conversation with him , begging him to get the CPS to charge him with anything to end this nightmare. Being on bail for over two years was very likely a much longer sentence he would be given , so just get on with it . I also reminded him of his refusal to allow him to go into the private hospital and that his likely death would be on him and the CPS and therefore if that situation arose I would shout it from the roof tops to the media and expose this scandal of inhumane torture for not only the accused but the destruction of his wife and children’s lives . I have to say the the IO was unbelievably compassionate and helpful .
Stunningly 2 days later he rang to say they had changed his status to RUI with no conditions and after 2 &half years he was able to return to his family .
His solicitor said at the time that he had NEVER heard of this happening before .
The following week he was told that it was no further action . After going through hell it was finally over . Why did it take so long to process , what was gained by this ludicrous action except pain and damage to his family .
There were no images or searches . There were no communications or apps , nothing . He was persecuted for simply doing the right thing and reporting his interaction to the police . I am so angry and disgusted with our legal system that allows this to happen . But for the sake of anonymity I would be exposing the cruelty and damage to thousands of of families across the country.
So many families affected by porn addiction, you have to wonder why when foreign governments can ban twitter /facebook etc etc , why can’t the UK government control pornography on the internet . Vigilante groups are repugnant, trapping and luring men or women but never trying to be part of a lobby for change . Destroying children’s families for the sake of their pathetic egos. Locate by all means and report to the police but to doorstep families and destroy families is despicable.
Anyway , there is so much more I want to say about the judicial process but I am sure you all know what I am talking about . Thankyou for reading this and my heart goes out to each and one of you .
Post deleted by user
Reading this just fuels my fight for justice. I am so so sorry you and your loved one had to endure this.
I am having a somewhat similar, yet different, situation with my autistic son. He was effectively groomed by a predator online and trusted police to help him but was prosecuted for breaching his SHPO and made out to be a high risk criminal. As for his original offence that landed him with a SHPO he was again befriended by dangerous individuals online and introduced into a dark world of IIOC and had, at the time, no real understanding of what he was getting involved in or even that it was wrong (I was completely unaware it was happening until after the police showed up to raid the house).
I am finding it very difficult to find the right help for my son when, in many ways he's a victim, but he's not seen by the legal system as a victim at all. So nobody is helping him with the trauma that the interaction with the predator has caused him (he's no longer able to speak or trust anyone and is in a constate state of trauma and feels dirty and unworthy of love) but, instead of helping him, they are ruthlessly taking him to trial and throwing charges at him. They have even been told off by a judge for overcharging him and court was delayed for another month while they reviewed the charges...a trial date has now been set for later in the year after a separate judge, who reviewed the revised charges questioned if there was "merit in pursuing a trial" after the CPS rejected the defence statement. You're welcome to read my story on the forums if you wish.
The system is vicious and while it absolutely needs to be for the worst of the worst offenders it is equally vicious towards vulnerable people like my son. It's almost like you're guilty until proven innocent by the time you prove your innocence lives are already ruined and the damage has already been done. You will struggle to pick up the pieces for years to come. I genuinely emphasise with your story. I hope that now it's finally over, at least, you can begin trying to pick up the pieces. Best of luck to you.
I am having a somewhat similar, yet different, situation with my autistic son. He was effectively groomed by a predator online and trusted police to help him but was prosecuted for breaching his SHPO and made out to be a high risk criminal. As for his original offence that landed him with a SHPO he was again befriended by dangerous individuals online and introduced into a dark world of IIOC and had, at the time, no real understanding of what he was getting involved in or even that it was wrong (I was completely unaware it was happening until after the police showed up to raid the house).
I am finding it very difficult to find the right help for my son when, in many ways he's a victim, but he's not seen by the legal system as a victim at all. So nobody is helping him with the trauma that the interaction with the predator has caused him (he's no longer able to speak or trust anyone and is in a constate state of trauma and feels dirty and unworthy of love) but, instead of helping him, they are ruthlessly taking him to trial and throwing charges at him. They have even been told off by a judge for overcharging him and court was delayed for another month while they reviewed the charges...a trial date has now been set for later in the year after a separate judge, who reviewed the revised charges questioned if there was "merit in pursuing a trial" after the CPS rejected the defence statement. You're welcome to read my story on the forums if you wish.
The system is vicious and while it absolutely needs to be for the worst of the worst offenders it is equally vicious towards vulnerable people like my son. It's almost like you're guilty until proven innocent by the time you prove your innocence lives are already ruined and the damage has already been done. You will struggle to pick up the pieces for years to come. I genuinely emphasise with your story. I hope that now it's finally over, at least, you can begin trying to pick up the pieces. Best of luck to you.