Confused
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I recently found out that my father's laptop has been seized. He says he downloaded one image while downloading a film. He is now nearing a mental breakdown won't talk to his children but insists he is not guilty. I want to believe him but I feel physically sick. What's the likelihood that he's telling the truth? He never got arrested and his work hasn't been informed although he's been put on the sick for suicide attempts.
I'm confused, scared, hurt, ashamed just lost
I'm confused, scared, hurt, ashamed just lost
Trust your instincts, do you think he's lying? The police told me that they were at my house because of 1 image with my partner, and I believe him when he says they won't find more. Only time will tell if that is true or not. Have you got people to support you with this? Xx
In my heart yes I do believe him of course I do I can see that he is broken but I can't help this horrible little feeling. No not really, we are a big family but we arnt talkers! I have so many questions but he doesn't want to talk about it, he's seeing a Councillor for his depression. But I just think a knock for one image, we have been told by ss not to have our kids have lone contact. Sorry I'm rambling this is all new to me.
It's an awful feeling isn't it. We also got the knock for 1 image. Had I not have been there and heard it with my own ears (and later on made a call to the police to confirm it) I also would not have believed that it was possible for them to act in such a way. But 1 or 100,their stance is the same as it is all illegal.
All you can do is trust your gut and hang on in there. No one will be able to look poorly upon you for supporting your dad with 1 image that has a plausible explanation. When you hear back from the forensic people then you will be able to make another judgement call on where you go from there. Everyone comes here looking for a magic answer and sadly the only thing you can do is wait. It doesn't make it any less painful, but the way I deal with it is this:
For now, he's still the same man I knew. He is an idiot who has put himself in a highly vulnerable position, but he has not gone looking for it and it seems like its an honest case of not being aware that the person in the image was underage. So all I can do is support him until I'm given a reason not to.
Have you rang the helpline? I think they are shut over the weekend, but maybe give them a call Monday. It can help to actually say some things out loud without fear of being judged or reprimanded.
Keep talking on here, we are all here to get eachother through this.
X
All you can do is trust your gut and hang on in there. No one will be able to look poorly upon you for supporting your dad with 1 image that has a plausible explanation. When you hear back from the forensic people then you will be able to make another judgement call on where you go from there. Everyone comes here looking for a magic answer and sadly the only thing you can do is wait. It doesn't make it any less painful, but the way I deal with it is this:
For now, he's still the same man I knew. He is an idiot who has put himself in a highly vulnerable position, but he has not gone looking for it and it seems like its an honest case of not being aware that the person in the image was underage. So all I can do is support him until I'm given a reason not to.
Have you rang the helpline? I think they are shut over the weekend, but maybe give them a call Monday. It can help to actually say some things out loud without fear of being judged or reprimanded.
Keep talking on here, we are all here to get eachother through this.
X
Social services will act in the only way they can, which is to mitigate all risk to the children. As more facts come out about this they will, I am sure, adjust their recommendations accordingly. X
Thankyou for replying, I rang them on Wednesday, I mostly just cried as I was in extreme shock but yes it did help. I agree in that I see to be looking for that magic answer, it's just the waiting game is horrendous. He has been told a year which makes christmas and birthdays hard. I need to think if I should cut contact altogether with my children as I work with children myself and don't want to compromise that, if it will I don't know.
I will ring again on Monday I think. xx
I will ring again on Monday I think. xx
A year? That's quite a wait but seems standard amongst people on here. We were told 3 months but I'll believe it when I see it.
I'm in a similar situation with work - I spoke to them almost immediately, even though there had been no arrest and we were told we didn't have to, purely because I thought it was better to be honest upfront. Just remember that you have done nothing wrong.
I can't help you with you decision about children, the one grace in all of this is that we don't have kids involved, but what I would say is trust your gut instinct.
Xx
I'm in a similar situation with work - I spoke to them almost immediately, even though there had been no arrest and we were told we didn't have to, purely because I thought it was better to be honest upfront. Just remember that you have done nothing wrong.
I can't help you with you decision about children, the one grace in all of this is that we don't have kids involved, but what I would say is trust your gut instinct.
Xx
My ex husband told me he only looked at 13-16 year olds, but when the truth came out it was 8-16 year olds, the category A was 8 year olds and the only way I found out was to go to court, which when he found out I was going he went nuts, obviously because he was lying. It also took 2 years from knock to court case. I hope you'll find out soon so you don't have to guess, then you can make your mind up about access to your children.
Cher that's horrible for you. I hope you have been able to move on with your life in some way or another.