Sharing my thoughts
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Hello all, I hope you are all doing great.
I wanted to share a bit of what has happened to me, as I believe it would help. I am alone in the UK and have no family or friends around, so everything has been extremely difficult and I am trying to cope the best I can.
A week ago, the police entered our house very early in the morning and took my partner away. I had no idea what was happening and was just frozen. They checked all our apartment and took some electronic devices and my partner into custody. After a few hours, I decided to go to work when they called me, telling me he was being investigated for communicating with someone aged 13. I went to the police station and he was bailed in the evening. We are home now, but I am so confused and scared, continuously thinking about what I should do. I have a lot of anxiety and contacted my GP today, hopefully, it will help. My partner is just crying all the time and scared. I am trying to be supportive but it is hard. I asked many times what happened and he told me he was online on some chats with other women because he wanted attention and felt alone (we were not intimate at all, probably we had problems internally which we didn't want to talk about or share).
Among all this different chats there was one where the person states I am 13 yrs old and he just continued texting and saying inappropriate things. He also sent a picture with clothes but still unappropriate and ask for unappropriate picture back (the messages said naughty image) which he didnt received and then the communication stopped. He said he doesn't remember the chat because there were others but with adults (according to police too) and he was just an idiot. He think he didn't pay attention because he was doing other things as it was in working hours from home. I really feel this is not a justification for what happened. He swear to me that he never have had thoughts about children and that doesn't have any type of attraction, he says that the devices have no images or anything else. He says he is disgusted with himself that this happened, that he is trying to remember, but it is also very painful for him. He said that neither I nor his family deserve this, that he wants help, but at the same time, he would like me to run away because it's not fair the pain he is causing me. He went to a psychologist yesterday because I do not know how to help him anymore (which did not help a lot. He felt anxious as soon as the phycologist said "if the police comes, althought very unlikely, I need to provide them all reports they ask about my patients").
I am confused, shocked, and frustrated. I have been with this person for 7 years and met him when I was in a difficult moment of my life and at the end of a long journey of therapy for depression. He was the most supportive and amazing person I met. We grew up together and I feel deeply that what I achieved til now is also because of his support and help but now I am challenged every day by doubts, and my mind is fighting and thinking if staying and supporting him is against my values.
He had a solicitor during the first interview last week, but since then, she has never been in contact with him. She doesn't even know the date of the second interview (she asked us to call her and let her know, but she never picked up the phone), so we are now trying to reach out to a private one. The solicitor from the first interview that day said the police evidence is not enough for a charge, but I am quite scared she just said it to my partner because he was anxious and worried at that moment.
I am sorry for the huge and long post, I have just the hope this community can help me through this long journey as I feel extremly lonely.
I wanted to share a bit of what has happened to me, as I believe it would help. I am alone in the UK and have no family or friends around, so everything has been extremely difficult and I am trying to cope the best I can.
A week ago, the police entered our house very early in the morning and took my partner away. I had no idea what was happening and was just frozen. They checked all our apartment and took some electronic devices and my partner into custody. After a few hours, I decided to go to work when they called me, telling me he was being investigated for communicating with someone aged 13. I went to the police station and he was bailed in the evening. We are home now, but I am so confused and scared, continuously thinking about what I should do. I have a lot of anxiety and contacted my GP today, hopefully, it will help. My partner is just crying all the time and scared. I am trying to be supportive but it is hard. I asked many times what happened and he told me he was online on some chats with other women because he wanted attention and felt alone (we were not intimate at all, probably we had problems internally which we didn't want to talk about or share).
Among all this different chats there was one where the person states I am 13 yrs old and he just continued texting and saying inappropriate things. He also sent a picture with clothes but still unappropriate and ask for unappropriate picture back (the messages said naughty image) which he didnt received and then the communication stopped. He said he doesn't remember the chat because there were others but with adults (according to police too) and he was just an idiot. He think he didn't pay attention because he was doing other things as it was in working hours from home. I really feel this is not a justification for what happened. He swear to me that he never have had thoughts about children and that doesn't have any type of attraction, he says that the devices have no images or anything else. He says he is disgusted with himself that this happened, that he is trying to remember, but it is also very painful for him. He said that neither I nor his family deserve this, that he wants help, but at the same time, he would like me to run away because it's not fair the pain he is causing me. He went to a psychologist yesterday because I do not know how to help him anymore (which did not help a lot. He felt anxious as soon as the phycologist said "if the police comes, althought very unlikely, I need to provide them all reports they ask about my patients").
I am confused, shocked, and frustrated. I have been with this person for 7 years and met him when I was in a difficult moment of my life and at the end of a long journey of therapy for depression. He was the most supportive and amazing person I met. We grew up together and I feel deeply that what I achieved til now is also because of his support and help but now I am challenged every day by doubts, and my mind is fighting and thinking if staying and supporting him is against my values.
He had a solicitor during the first interview last week, but since then, she has never been in contact with him. She doesn't even know the date of the second interview (she asked us to call her and let her know, but she never picked up the phone), so we are now trying to reach out to a private one. The solicitor from the first interview that day said the police evidence is not enough for a charge, but I am quite scared she just said it to my partner because he was anxious and worried at that moment.
I am sorry for the huge and long post, I have just the hope this community can help me through this long journey as I feel extremly lonely.
Hi Galaxy, I'm sorry you find yourself here but you've done the right thing in reaching out. You'll find the people on the forum to be supportive and helpful and hopefully knowing you're not alone will help.
At the moment you'll both be in shock and your thoughts will be all over the place, this is completely normal as you're trying to come to terms with the trauma you're going through. The processes from arrest to sentencing in these cases is long so you've done the right thing in reaching out to your GP as looking after yourself is important. You might also want to contact the stop it now helpline as they will be able to listen and support you both.
Please don't suffer alone, we're here to help.
At the moment you'll both be in shock and your thoughts will be all over the place, this is completely normal as you're trying to come to terms with the trauma you're going through. The processes from arrest to sentencing in these cases is long so you've done the right thing in reaching out to your GP as looking after yourself is important. You might also want to contact the stop it now helpline as they will be able to listen and support you both.
Please don't suffer alone, we're here to help.
I'm sorry you have found yourself here but it is the best place to reach out for support. It's quite normal for there to be a lapse in contact after arrest and first interview. The solictor won't make further contact until they have more information. This 'silence' is incredibly hard to deal with because our thoughts consume every second of every day. We are all at different parts of this journey but we can all empathise with the feelings you are experiencing. This is a hugely traumatic event and you may never truly understand why x