Family and Friends Forum

You are definitely not alone!
So many on this forum have had your experience.

You will ride this storm, but it may be a long one.

Ring the helpline to unload some of your feelings & get advice.

Take time for yourself if possible,as the weather improves & hug your children.

Try to read Planet Knock on the discussion page. It sums up our experiences so well.

We are here for you.

My best advice is seek support immediately for yourself be kind to yourself, being the support of everyone else will catch up with you take it from someone who has been there done it, I am out the otherside but all the support I have given my oh and child has literally drained the life from me, feel free to message if you need any support xx

Overwhelmed,

It's incredibly difficult, it's like a bomb has gone off, the shock is beyond belief. Like you, I was so incredibly happy prior to the knock and it turned my world upside down and I lived a double life for almost 2 years. I don't think there is anything you can do in the early days other than to let things sink in and just get through life as best as you can. Over time you do start to forget about what is happening for periods of time and begin to enjoy life as usual. How you feel about things will vary from day to day and once the investigation has progressed or charges are pressed you may learn things which change things for you. I was very lucky in that my partner was acquitted but it doesn't undo the damage I suffered throughout the process of getting to that stage. Here are some things I did on days I struggled:

- thought about people who are in much worse positions, we know that these crimes are considered completely unacceptable (and they are) but there are thousands and thousands of people (and their families) who are living their lives after similar or worse crimes have been committed, if they can do it then so can we

- affirmed how strong I am and that I have done nothing wrong and if I wish, I can remove myself from the situation if the worst case scenario was to occur

- focussed on the fact that it may not be as bad as I think, not everybody gets a harsh sentence or is reported on

- made plans for different eventualities, it helped me feel in control in a situation we feel out of control of

- indulged myself on days I felt overwhelmed - not my best advice if finances are tight

- came here for support when I felt like I was alone in my grief



I hope some of this helps. Sending love xx

I think a lot of us felt exactly the way you are feeling right now. We're 7 months in and it's amazing how you do learn to cope with the situation especially if you can get support from people/organisations. I have days when I think why me but they are becoming fewer and I try and be thankful for what I do have. It seems hard to imagine it right now but it does become easier. X

Hi, so aorry you find yourself here, but you are not alone and while everyone's experience is different, we are all bonded in some way by being thrown into this horrific experience. As well as LFF, you might find it useful to explore other sources of support and guidance. No rush - give yourself time to assimilate and digest. This is a steep learning curve - but you will get there, and everyone will be OK in the end...



Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.

Andysmanclub: free support groups for men across the UK and online. Aim to end the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and help men and their mental wellbeing through the power of conversation.

Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful.

Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.

SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.

Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.

StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.

Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.

I left it exactly the same and we are all with you in this difficult moment! Just a week since the police came to our home, and I also felt before I was the luckiest woman for having such a supportive and amazing partner. I have ups and downs every day, but I am sure it will get better. I am just trying to accept my feelings and respect them. If I need to cry, I cry; if I need time, I take it. I try to distract myself as much as I can. I accept that I won't go back to my normal life from one day to the next, and I understand the need to respect my new, slow pace.

I am also trying to be supportive with my partner, and I am trying to be cautious with what I tell him because he is completely desperate. But I tell him when I need some time alone and when I just feel I want to cry alone or in company.

Hope you will feel better soon. Take care of yourself and your mental health. You are not alone. You are important and this is not your fault!

Can I offer a hug. It's such an awful time and so raw. My heart reaches out to you and your family x

I totally feel for you, your message could have easily been me writing that just over two years ago. I spent the first few days in a flat spin in complete disbelief, as I thought my life was pretty great up until that cold dark winter morning and a loud knock at the door. Little did I know my OH was in a deep depression that he was hiding from me. I also spent the first few days not being able to eat, kept being sick, I felt horrendous. I know at the time you don't think you are ever going to feel better but you will, even if the actual situation of what's going on doesn't change. You will soon learn to live with your new normal, and you will be able to eat and stop feeling sick. But as others have said, you must look after yourself and don't forget the basics such as drinking enough water and also when you do eat, nourish your body with good food. It will help you and your mind in feeling better. Easier said than done I know. As I said we are just over two years on and still haven't even had charges so it can be a really long haul, it doesn't have to be, some get through much quicker, but brace yourself for a long haul.
Sorry you find yourself here, but rest assured you have our support X

Nothing more to add to the advice you have been given by these wonderful people other than i am so sorry you have found yourself here and just wanted to send you strength and hugs xx

Sorry you're in this position but well done on finding the forum; it's been a source of huge solace for me, particularly in the early days.



sending you a big big hug x

Hello, I am sorry you find yourself here. I visited my doc not long after the knock and got a sick note from work so that I had time to process . The best bit of advice for me was just to allow myself to feel it . I was lucky to get a NHS counsellor to talk to 3 months after the knock for a couple of months and then just over a year after the knock I went to a private counsellor to get over the shock of the knock . I'm also have found tremendous support from my support worker at Stop it Now and from the women who attended the Inform course along with me .
We are now past sentencing and are looking to buy a new home and move forward . Each journey is different . Here you will find support and no judgement. Take it easy and look after yourself . You need that care so you can be strong for yourself and your family for the road ahead. In the early days I found swimming each day helped me x

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It's been close to three months for me. All the advice that's been given before I can 100% agree with. I am still in shock sometimes and the thought "is this really my life, my reality" still pops in my head from time to time.

It may sound totally fake and disillusioned right now but it will get better. Three months ago I would have never ever believed it but it is true. With the proper help and support there is a way out and it's not just one way, there are many different options and I hope you can find the one that is right for you!

Everything you are feeling has been felt by us all & we can completely empathise with the trauma you've experienced. However small your world now feels rest assured there is a whole army of us here to support you x

Just checking to see how your doing overwhlemed49 hope your being kind to yourself x

I had the same thought as Inturmoil and just wanted to check in with you to see how you're all doing. Sending you a big hug and a reminder that we're all here for you.