Family and Friends Forum

Yes my partner was arrested last year for a communication offence. It was one conversation with an undercover officer, no other conversations, no images, no suggestions of meeting up or continuing any conversations. I dont often come on the forum anymore but occasionally have a read. My partner has been through court and life has moved on from this horrendous experience (mostly as sadly it never goes away). In our case, it was awful, I'm shocked and horrified by my partners offence but the worst was over fairly quickly, life is back on track and things are ok now. Having a partner on the sex offenders register has its difficulties especially as we have children but I feel extremely lucky to have got our life back and move on from the nightmare. Feel free to ask me anything, I know how hard it is to find someone else in a similar situation.

He got 5 years sor, and shpo (internet monitoring only), suspended prison sentence and unpaid work. Yes my partner lives at home now, I always supervised contact with kids at home and he lived elsewhere until after conviction. The social services did more work with us and allowed him to move home and closed our case. He cannot be left unsupervised with the kids etc but apart from that we have a normal life. We were luckily that the investigation was over fairly quickly (it didn't feel like it at the time) and there was nothing for the police to investigate, he had not been approaching underage girls online, he sadly failed to stop a conversation when the officer said they were under 16 in the conversation. While this has been one of the worst years of my life I'm glad the police stopped him from going down a destructive path, because it could have been a child he was talking to. Is your partner not allowed to see the kids?have you been able to talk openly and honestly with your partner about exactly what they are investigating and likely to find. I found it hard to believe or trust my partner I'd spoken to the investigating officer, and after conviction. It was a huge relief to know there was nothing else, that one conversation was bad enough. The damage these offences cause is enormous. I hope you have some news soon, it does get easier when you know what your dealing with and when court is over.

Hi Thistle

My partner of 15 years was caught June 2018 after comminicating with a vigilante group, he though he was chatting to a 14 year old girl. He was arrested in a town far away from where we live.

We are still waiting for the investigation to be completed, we have heard nothing from the police and they still have our devices. He has said there are no pictures it is just communications, which we will see after we get the devices back.

It is so hard waiting for an outcome, I think just take one day at a time, that has really helped me out and connecting with people who are in the same situation has made the biggest difference



I just wondered Maria if your husbands case was in the media at all? That’s is my biggest dread!



Sending you big hugs and best wishes

Mabel x x x

It's such an awful thing to be going through. It's hard enough dealing with the enormity of it all and then on top of that becoming a single parent. Be kind to yourself and all you can do is take it a day at a time.



xxx

Hi Ladies

We are almost 7 months post knock. Although I have not been told explicitly I sense my husband of 30+ years both viewed images and communicated with people he knew to be minors.

One of the many frustrations I face is when you look at information about possible sentences there are such wide variences. I suspect that the communication is viewed more seriously than the images but as a combination, well I dread to think!!

Many devices, including old phones, cameras and videos of holidays, were taken from our property. Given the number I am worried that this matter could just run and run......

Am I correct in thinking that because bail was not imposed there is absolutely no time limit?

Anyway, one day at a time. 2019 is turning into the longest year of my life.

Hugs to you all.

My husband was arrested for communication offences and arranging to meet. He was actually talking to a decoy and was walking away from the meet up point when arrested. He pleaded guilty to both counts. The communication offence was the lesser of the two. He got 16 months (reduces due to the guilty plea at the first opportunity) suspended for 2 years, SHPO and SOR.

There are sentencing guidelines for the different offences, a solicitor would probably be able to give you advise on what those are. There’s different categories as well, so depending on the category that will also impact the sentencing guidelines.

Hi my partner is also accused of this, he says he was bored at work talking to lots of strange random people just to pass the time says he didn’t think the person he was talking to was a child thought it was an adult pretending as no one is who they say they are online ie men pretending to be women and alsorts so he says? I have no reason to doubt what he has told me but.. this is has had a serious consequences for our family and futureof not thinking what the internet for being so stupid. That said in not nieave like him to think they’re maybe more too this and his behaviour but like many others have said I just have to take it day by day and focus my energy where I can facilitate change. I’m so worried about what the future holds and have been letting it consume me for a while but i don’t know what that will be. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this aswell. I wish the timescales were shorter and there wouldn’t be this limbo. Keep strong xx

My story is similar - we got the knock 8 weeks ago for apparently 1 communication with a 13 year old who my husband says he ‘knew’ was an adult. So far the info we have received is that this was an undercover officer but that is not confirmed. There was no talk of meet up just him trying to ‘out’ this person as someone they were not saying they are. We have separated and he is on bail. I’m trying to be supportive for the children’s sake. Awaiting the next bail renewal date. It’s hell. Don’t know who or what to believe and the consequences terrify me.

Hi CeCe

Our partners stories are very similar if not identical, I could slap him stupid over his stupidity and the stress this has put on me and I’m also terrified of what the future holds.



Sending you huge hugs xx

Huge hugs to you too Summer. Keep us updated on here and I will do the same. At the very least we will get through with the support on this forum xxx

My son is in a simialr position -communicaion and meeting up, he now has a court date for september but unlike others he has been allowed to remain with his family including his now 2 year old son. I am dreading the court summons- he is intially appraing at magistrates court- any idea what the sentencing might be.

Hi



my son was convicted of communication with a girl of nearly fifteen. They had spoken for months. Her parents knew all about it and classed my son as her boyfriend. They had a falling out and that was that, or so we thought. Next thing police were at the door. Her parents made a complaint. It was proven that the parents knew about it etc but that makes no difference in the eyes of the law. My son communicated with an underage girl and was charged even although the girl herself refused to have anything to do with it. He was also charged with indecent images. The images were of the girl he had been speaking to. He never attempted to or met the girl in question.

my son was sentenced to just under four years in prison which is where he still is. Not to long until he comes home now thank god. Our case was dealt with quite quickly. Arrested June, convicted February. We are in Scotland where convictions seem to happen quite quickly which i was glad of. I have to say that from reading other cases I think communication offences are dealt with more harshly than in England. Sentencing for certain things make no sense. Almost four years my son got which is a long time. Someone in his prison abused six children and got just under five years so I don't understand the sentencing in this country.
social services were involved with us but not because my son has kids. Our daughter has a little one. It went smoothly. She was told no unsupervised contact and case closed. I'm not sure it will be that easy when our son comes home though. They may go deeper as last time they were in touch was once when he was arrested and again when he was sent to prison. There are some good posts about social services on here and some bad. I honestly think social services are a hit and a miss depending on the social worker you get. Much the same as the judge on the day you appear in court x