Conflicted
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Hi. I am not sure if this is the right forum for me but I really don't feel I can discuss this anywhere else. My brother took his own life last year and I am very conflicted on how I feel / should feel. He had been arrested prior to his suicide for activity on an adult chat site. He was apparently interviewed and then released on bail. Two weeks later he did the deed as he couldn't cope with the stress. That is all I know. The case was closed immediately after his death.
I find it so hard to know how to feel, about whether he deserves my grief, or whether he just did something stupid without realising. It's so hard to move on. He was my only family....my parents died in 2009 and 2011. His widow and her family seem to be treating it like a tragic loss, and while I am gutted by his passing, I am conflicted about what he might have done.
This is just so hard and I wondered if anyone had been through something similar?
I find it so hard to know how to feel, about whether he deserves my grief, or whether he just did something stupid without realising. It's so hard to move on. He was my only family....my parents died in 2009 and 2011. His widow and her family seem to be treating it like a tragic loss, and while I am gutted by his passing, I am conflicted about what he might have done.
This is just so hard and I wondered if anyone had been through something similar?
Hi,
that sounds incredibly hard. Looking at both the potential offence and the suicide they both rob people of closure. Whatever the outcome of the investigation there will always be questions unanswered in these kind of offences in much the same way as someone close to us dying unexpectedly.
We often talk on here about how the crimes our people have committed or are alleged to have committed cause us to go through the grieving process for the lives we had and the people we thought were completely transparent with us.
Whatever your brother had done or hadn't done you are allowed to grieve the loss of him. Grief isn't for the person and whether they are worthy, it is for us, part of our healing. You may find it helpful to look up the seven stages of grief, it is normal to experience them in any order and sometimes revisit stages. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, try not to compare yourself with others in grief as everyone is different xxx
that sounds incredibly hard. Looking at both the potential offence and the suicide they both rob people of closure. Whatever the outcome of the investigation there will always be questions unanswered in these kind of offences in much the same way as someone close to us dying unexpectedly.
We often talk on here about how the crimes our people have committed or are alleged to have committed cause us to go through the grieving process for the lives we had and the people we thought were completely transparent with us.
Whatever your brother had done or hadn't done you are allowed to grieve the loss of him. Grief isn't for the person and whether they are worthy, it is for us, part of our healing. You may find it helpful to look up the seven stages of grief, it is normal to experience them in any order and sometimes revisit stages. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, try not to compare yourself with others in grief as everyone is different xxx
Thanks for your reply. I guess the hard thing is, we don't know, and will never know, what he did or didn't do. The police didn't even disclose my brother's suicide note to his wife. The first time she saw that was in the coroner's report. I find it all a bit odd that the case was just closed with no explanations and we're all just left hanging.
Im not sure I knew who my brother was!
Im not sure I knew who my brother was!
The case was closed as they no longer had anyone to investigate or charge. They don't think about the impact on family members to not have a conclusion to their investigation unfortunately. I hope that you are able to heal xxx
I'm so sorry for the loss your family have experienced and the struggle you are continuing to experience. I'm also saddened to know that your brother felt taking his life was his only option. An arrest doesn't immediately mean guilt but the stress this causes can be too much for some to bare. These offences are incredibly complex and many here have learned that not everything is black and white. Taking a life by suicide leaves a lack of closure for all those left behind. I hope you find a way to find peace x
So sorry Elsie. You should grieve in whatever way you feel neccesary and helpful.
suicide is a horrible topic, having been through it myself with a different family member, it leaves so many unanswered questions never mind going through so many different emotions.
the main thing to think about in my opinion, regardless of if he offended or not, he was still the person you knew and loved.
many of us have stayed with our partners/stucky by family members, who have admitted guilt and they offend for so many different reasons, it does not totally define someone. Maybe read the book 'my brain on porn' which shows they aren't all bad. They just did a bad thing.
counselling sounds like it could be a good option for you, hope you get some closure x
suicide is a horrible topic, having been through it myself with a different family member, it leaves so many unanswered questions never mind going through so many different emotions.
the main thing to think about in my opinion, regardless of if he offended or not, he was still the person you knew and loved.
many of us have stayed with our partners/stucky by family members, who have admitted guilt and they offend for so many different reasons, it does not totally define someone. Maybe read the book 'my brain on porn' which shows they aren't all bad. They just did a bad thing.
counselling sounds like it could be a good option for you, hope you get some closure x