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I have been feeling extremely down in the last day. I have hundreds of questions in my mind that I would like to have answers to, but I know I won't. Maybe never? I feel extremely overwhelmed by fear, stress, and worries. Am I with the correct person? Am I wasting time and suffering for nothing? I know I am the only one that can answer that, but it is so hard. I love with all my heart, but this person threw my heart away and destroyed it little pieces.
He tells me the truth in bits every day; it's a new discovery, and every day feels like restarting from zero: the pain, the suffering, the feeling of wanting to disappear, and my mind asking "why me?" "How could he do this?" "Is this the same person that I loved for 7 years?" He has been chatting with strangers for months, and I never thought he would. He told me that it was because we were not intimate and that he was not able to tell me, as he was scared it would destroy our relationship or that I would get offended. But I do not understand how he could look at me in the eyes every day after work knowing all this.
I don't know if he will stop. I ask him why he didn't stop it and his response is "i tried, but I couldn't." I asked him "are you addicted to this?" And his response is "I don't know, I will try my best". Do you think he knows how much pain he is generating in me? Do you think he knows that "i will try my best is destroying me?" How can I trust now? Or maybe the correct question is how can I stop loving someone?
Just sharing my feeling as i feel loneliness will make me crazy.
He tells me the truth in bits every day; it's a new discovery, and every day feels like restarting from zero: the pain, the suffering, the feeling of wanting to disappear, and my mind asking "why me?" "How could he do this?" "Is this the same person that I loved for 7 years?" He has been chatting with strangers for months, and I never thought he would. He told me that it was because we were not intimate and that he was not able to tell me, as he was scared it would destroy our relationship or that I would get offended. But I do not understand how he could look at me in the eyes every day after work knowing all this.
I don't know if he will stop. I ask him why he didn't stop it and his response is "i tried, but I couldn't." I asked him "are you addicted to this?" And his response is "I don't know, I will try my best". Do you think he knows how much pain he is generating in me? Do you think he knows that "i will try my best is destroying me?" How can I trust now? Or maybe the correct question is how can I stop loving someone?
Just sharing my feeling as i feel loneliness will make me crazy.
Hi Galaxy, so much of what you say resonates with me. My person is my son and the best thing we did was get him psychological therapy so that he could understand why he had behaved in the way he had and how he could learn new ways of coping with his poor mental health, low self esteem, lack of confidence, addictive personality and self dislike.
The type of behaviour you're describing and the emotions that go with it are like a rollercoaster. My son would feel very low in himself with very negative emotions. In an attempt to feel better he would randomly make contact with females (adults). If they responded he would temporarily feel good just like someone feels when they win a payment from a slot machine but this would then be followed by feelings of hatred for himself, despair and guilt and so the cycle continued.
Its so hard to understand why and it's quite possible that your person doesn't have the answers to give you at the moment as he might not understand it himself. Paula Hall has a good TEDx talk called we need to talk about sex addiction which may give you a bit more understanding.
I know how hard this is so do keep reaching out as we're here for you.
The type of behaviour you're describing and the emotions that go with it are like a rollercoaster. My son would feel very low in himself with very negative emotions. In an attempt to feel better he would randomly make contact with females (adults). If they responded he would temporarily feel good just like someone feels when they win a payment from a slot machine but this would then be followed by feelings of hatred for himself, despair and guilt and so the cycle continued.
Its so hard to understand why and it's quite possible that your person doesn't have the answers to give you at the moment as he might not understand it himself. Paula Hall has a good TEDx talk called we need to talk about sex addiction which may give you a bit more understanding.
I know how hard this is so do keep reaching out as we're here for you.
Hi Galaxy,
My opinion is that he said 'he would try' is a red flag that he is not taking this as seriously as he should, he needs to get an appropriate counsellor (stop so website - they will find one) so he can learn why he did what he did and hopefully not go back there.
please don't let him imply that it's your fault for lack of intimacy, it is not. this was his doing, not yours.
we've been together 20 years, 2 years post sentencing and I'm still doubting my decision to stay, I've tried not to love him. It's so hard.
X
My opinion is that he said 'he would try' is a red flag that he is not taking this as seriously as he should, he needs to get an appropriate counsellor (stop so website - they will find one) so he can learn why he did what he did and hopefully not go back there.
please don't let him imply that it's your fault for lack of intimacy, it is not. this was his doing, not yours.
we've been together 20 years, 2 years post sentencing and I'm still doubting my decision to stay, I've tried not to love him. It's so hard.
X
Hello all, that's the same things he tells me that "he doesn't like himself even before all this horrible moment, that he doesn't have confidence, that the only thing he knows to do is his job, but he is a whole failure in all the rest".
He told me too that this was a reward and a sort of feeling stronger and in power for a few minutes, and he would go to it every time he was feeling of losing control. He told me he was not able to talk about it because he had to be strong and all this life he saw in his family that he would be the strong one in a relationship because his father is like that.
He asked me for help, but I do not think I can. I believe a psychologist should help him. A few days ago, he had a very weird panic attack and in the middle of the night started crying crazily and wanted to go out and said, 'I am leaving and not coming back because I do not want to exist. I don't want to hurt more people.' I asked him to book a psychologist.
I have been in the past in depression, and I remember all these feelings and really feel sorry for him, but at the same time, I feel worried. He had already had a session with a pshycologist, he explained the situation of his bail conditions and a bit of what happened (as he ahd a lot of chat with adults but among them there was 1 where the person says i am 13 yrs old) although he said he doesn't remember everything because there were a lot of chats, and the psychologist's first thing was saying, 'If the police come, I will need to handle your case and the notes I had,' and he got stressed and didn't talk anymore. Not sure what to do maybe I should ask the laywer?
He told me too that this was a reward and a sort of feeling stronger and in power for a few minutes, and he would go to it every time he was feeling of losing control. He told me he was not able to talk about it because he had to be strong and all this life he saw in his family that he would be the strong one in a relationship because his father is like that.
He asked me for help, but I do not think I can. I believe a psychologist should help him. A few days ago, he had a very weird panic attack and in the middle of the night started crying crazily and wanted to go out and said, 'I am leaving and not coming back because I do not want to exist. I don't want to hurt more people.' I asked him to book a psychologist.
I have been in the past in depression, and I remember all these feelings and really feel sorry for him, but at the same time, I feel worried. He had already had a session with a pshycologist, he explained the situation of his bail conditions and a bit of what happened (as he ahd a lot of chat with adults but among them there was 1 where the person says i am 13 yrs old) although he said he doesn't remember everything because there were a lot of chats, and the psychologist's first thing was saying, 'If the police come, I will need to handle your case and the notes I had,' and he got stressed and didn't talk anymore. Not sure what to do maybe I should ask the laywer?
You can ring the helpline to offload some of your feelings & realise that they are quite 'normal'
He needs to ring the helpline to be put in contact with a StopSO counsellor. They are confidential & are specifically trained to work with sex offenders.
All best wishes & continue to use this forum for support. All our journeys are different but we have a lot in common
He needs to ring the helpline to be put in contact with a StopSO counsellor. They are confidential & are specifically trained to work with sex offenders.
All best wishes & continue to use this forum for support. All our journeys are different but we have a lot in common
Hi Galaxy, it sounds as if the psychologist your OH went to wasn't the right person for him. Try to encourage him not to give up on the idea though as he really needs the help they can provide.