How does everyone cope??? and any positive stories/outcomes
Notifications OFF
Hello
ive found myself really stuggling today. My little ones have gone back to school so just got my youngest daughter at home and ive broke. My person made contact with the OIC this morning as we still had no time (after being told he shouldn't have to wait that long) to be told the OIC has struggled to find space or time to bring it forward like he thought hed be able too so hes been confirmed the date (been pushed back twice now) and finally a time but was told if they can bring it forward then theyll contact him)
now i dont know what i was expecting but its really scared me. Clearly cps has come to decision (as to why would they try and bring a date forward if they could) and im scared hes going to be charged with court apperance and we go down that route.
i guess theres no way it would be a NFA now so the next "best outcome" is a police caution if they even give those for these type of things.
At the beginning of all this i didnt know whether i could continue the relationship and with having children it wasnt easy decision but i didnt rush into decision, once he told me what had happened (and a lot of tears and telling him to tell me the full truth in which i do believe he has) then i have decided to stand by him, im by no means at all playing down what he has done ( sent a photo of his legs nothing else and asked what was on her bottom half, police decoy and for half an hour on a morning for 2 mornings,. he got a photo of leggings back and he panicked and delelted his app and account and did nothing since and he dont know why he did it but getting a response "woke him up" and he deleted everything) but im scared of the next steps. He isnt a bad man, hes just done a very stupid and awful thing. Hes a fantastic and amazing dad and amazing partner.
does anyone have any tips to cope, ive tried making time to myself every night etc and i just sit with the thoughts of worse case scenario.
and does anyone have any positive outomes or stories to give me some hope that seems to have disappeared.
i always thought if it was NFA you'd get a letter in the post and not when your answering bail. Its his first offence and never been spoken to by police except when helping with cctv footage for a incident
thank you in advance and i hope your all well and keeping okay. message box is always open xx
ive found myself really stuggling today. My little ones have gone back to school so just got my youngest daughter at home and ive broke. My person made contact with the OIC this morning as we still had no time (after being told he shouldn't have to wait that long) to be told the OIC has struggled to find space or time to bring it forward like he thought hed be able too so hes been confirmed the date (been pushed back twice now) and finally a time but was told if they can bring it forward then theyll contact him)
now i dont know what i was expecting but its really scared me. Clearly cps has come to decision (as to why would they try and bring a date forward if they could) and im scared hes going to be charged with court apperance and we go down that route.
i guess theres no way it would be a NFA now so the next "best outcome" is a police caution if they even give those for these type of things.
At the beginning of all this i didnt know whether i could continue the relationship and with having children it wasnt easy decision but i didnt rush into decision, once he told me what had happened (and a lot of tears and telling him to tell me the full truth in which i do believe he has) then i have decided to stand by him, im by no means at all playing down what he has done ( sent a photo of his legs nothing else and asked what was on her bottom half, police decoy and for half an hour on a morning for 2 mornings,. he got a photo of leggings back and he panicked and delelted his app and account and did nothing since and he dont know why he did it but getting a response "woke him up" and he deleted everything) but im scared of the next steps. He isnt a bad man, hes just done a very stupid and awful thing. Hes a fantastic and amazing dad and amazing partner.
does anyone have any tips to cope, ive tried making time to myself every night etc and i just sit with the thoughts of worse case scenario.
and does anyone have any positive outomes or stories to give me some hope that seems to have disappeared.
i always thought if it was NFA you'd get a letter in the post and not when your answering bail. Its his first offence and never been spoken to by police except when helping with cctv footage for a incident
thank you in advance and i hope your all well and keeping okay. message box is always open xx
Please see my post " Finally over". I've given my account of the sentence hearing my OH has just gone through after a very long 3+ years.
So timeline is...
knock October 2022, he moved out next day
second interview march 2023
charged took ages, maybe September 2023 (possession IIOC)
plea hearing November 2023
sentencing Dec
OH got suspended sentence, 5 year SHPO, 7 year SOR
He has media coverage for both plea and sentencing. That was scary but we got through it.
SS allowed him to move back and now he is home, allowed to be unsupervised with our children and our marriage is stronger than before.
while I would never recommend this journey to anyone I have found out how wonderful my friends and family are and have been very lucky to be well supported by both.
there is plenty of hope for you and you're welcome to PM if you have questions
knock October 2022, he moved out next day
second interview march 2023
charged took ages, maybe September 2023 (possession IIOC)
plea hearing November 2023
sentencing Dec
OH got suspended sentence, 5 year SHPO, 7 year SOR
He has media coverage for both plea and sentencing. That was scary but we got through it.
SS allowed him to move back and now he is home, allowed to be unsupervised with our children and our marriage is stronger than before.
while I would never recommend this journey to anyone I have found out how wonderful my friends and family are and have been very lucky to be well supported by both.
there is plenty of hope for you and you're welcome to PM if you have questions
Post deleted
Hi Marema, I'm not sure how long ago your person was arrested but it does take quite some time for the OIC to prepare the case for the CPS. I can't remember the exact time frame but I'm sure my persons took at least 6 months. It then went backwards and forwards between the police and the CPS until the CPS were sure they had all the evidence and detail the need. In total it took 20 months from arrest to charges.
I'm sorry to know that you're struggling, this whole journey is a nightmare and so hard to navigate and that's without living so far away from each other.
My person is my son so I'm in a different situation to you but just like you I believe my son is a brilliant Dad and I do whatever I can to ensure he remains a big part of his children's life.
I actually didn't cope that well but I did reach out to my GP who prescribed me with medication for anxiety. I also started to practice meditation and relaxation. I chose to confide in family and a couple of friends so was able to talk things through when I needed to. I also went through Talking Therapies.
My son received a 2 year suspended sentence and 10 years on SOR and SHPO. He lost everything during the process, his job, home, marriage and family life but with the help of his therapist and his probation officer is now stronger in his mental health than he's been for many many years.
It's a long, hard journey but you will get through one step at a time and I can reassure you that you won't always be feeling as bad as you are now. Things will get better but it takes time.
I'm sorry to know that you're struggling, this whole journey is a nightmare and so hard to navigate and that's without living so far away from each other.
My person is my son so I'm in a different situation to you but just like you I believe my son is a brilliant Dad and I do whatever I can to ensure he remains a big part of his children's life.
I actually didn't cope that well but I did reach out to my GP who prescribed me with medication for anxiety. I also started to practice meditation and relaxation. I chose to confide in family and a couple of friends so was able to talk things through when I needed to. I also went through Talking Therapies.
My son received a 2 year suspended sentence and 10 years on SOR and SHPO. He lost everything during the process, his job, home, marriage and family life but with the help of his therapist and his probation officer is now stronger in his mental health than he's been for many many years.
It's a long, hard journey but you will get through one step at a time and I can reassure you that you won't always be feeling as bad as you are now. Things will get better but it takes time.
Hello ladies.
So my other half got the knock one early morning in May/21 had the phone call off him and had a few choice words but thought straightaway to stick with him and try and sort stuff out.
He was suspended straightaway from work and was fully paid until sentencing.
Second interview was December 21 and they found 48 pictures which got reduced to 24 because they couldn't make the others out.
April/22 went to magistrates court and pleaded guilty
May/22 went to crown court and pleaded guilty.
He got community order , suspended for 2 years with 5 years on SOR and SHPO with 240 payback hours.
In that time we also moved house. My late mum passed away and gave me the house as being only child so we moved there.
No media coverage , so nobody knows anything about it. We get on well and speaks to mental health officer. He has until October to finish his probation. He has visor visits every 6 months and then hopefully from October once a year.
My advice is take each day as it comes and go from their.
x
So my other half got the knock one early morning in May/21 had the phone call off him and had a few choice words but thought straightaway to stick with him and try and sort stuff out.
He was suspended straightaway from work and was fully paid until sentencing.
Second interview was December 21 and they found 48 pictures which got reduced to 24 because they couldn't make the others out.
April/22 went to magistrates court and pleaded guilty
May/22 went to crown court and pleaded guilty.
He got community order , suspended for 2 years with 5 years on SOR and SHPO with 240 payback hours.
In that time we also moved house. My late mum passed away and gave me the house as being only child so we moved there.
No media coverage , so nobody knows anything about it. We get on well and speaks to mental health officer. He has until October to finish his probation. He has visor visits every 6 months and then hopefully from October once a year.
My advice is take each day as it comes and go from their.
x
Thank you so much everyone for your replies, they mean so much to just read.
i feel better this morning, i have spoken to LFF which is something i couldnt bring myself to do as i guess the shame took over and just wanted to handle this as privately as i can with only those that needed to know, knowing.
But im so glad i did, i have enrolled on the Inform course and was able to offload timescales and my feelings,opinions and thoughts on the possible outcomes in which i recieved so much help.
We are only a just over 3 weeks away from my partner having to answer bail (should it not be brought forward or pushed back) and i feel in a better place and ready to face the next stage providing it happens on the date we've been given. I know darker days are going to come back but know ive made that step to ask for advice here and to ring LFF , i know i do have support here as family and our close friend who knows just dont seem to get it.
Again thank you so much everyone, if anything postive can come out of these nightmares we going/go through, its the internet isnt always evil and bad when theres places like this that really do help people cope through the darkest days.
More postive/outcomes and tips to cope will still always be welcomed as it would still help and would may help others who read this thread (post) xxx
i feel better this morning, i have spoken to LFF which is something i couldnt bring myself to do as i guess the shame took over and just wanted to handle this as privately as i can with only those that needed to know, knowing.
But im so glad i did, i have enrolled on the Inform course and was able to offload timescales and my feelings,opinions and thoughts on the possible outcomes in which i recieved so much help.
We are only a just over 3 weeks away from my partner having to answer bail (should it not be brought forward or pushed back) and i feel in a better place and ready to face the next stage providing it happens on the date we've been given. I know darker days are going to come back but know ive made that step to ask for advice here and to ring LFF , i know i do have support here as family and our close friend who knows just dont seem to get it.
Again thank you so much everyone, if anything postive can come out of these nightmares we going/go through, its the internet isnt always evil and bad when theres places like this that really do help people cope through the darkest days.
More postive/outcomes and tips to cope will still always be welcomed as it would still help and would may help others who read this thread (post) xxx