Family and Friends Forum

Hi lovely x

I am so sorry you are struggling there are so many mums here that can give you some support, I am here because of my son so dint have the same experience as you but I am here if you want to message me xx

Devastatedwife, placed where or with whom?

Do they mean foster care?

That should really be a last resort and they should explore and exhaust all other options.

Also, it is only a judge who can decide that, not the social worker.

How awful of the social worker to scare you like this before the weekend.

I hope someone more knowledgeable comes along soon.

You have my sympathy xx

Devastatedwife, if I remember correctly, your husband was arrested over a year ago already?

Did the social worker tell you why all of a sudden they see an increase in risk?

Has your husband been charged or is he still under investigation?

Yes, definitely take an advocate or legal representation with you xx

I'm so sorry. I wish I had answers, but a advocate (or someone with you to be able to process information) would be my advice.

I send you a handhold from afar xx sending love to you and your family xx

Hello Devasted,

I am sorry you have received this news on a Friday. Our social worker did the same and still continues to bring devastating news in Friday when there is no support in place. I have firmly stood my ground and requested no Fridays.

With regards to the CPP, absolutely take a advocate with you. Depending where you are there are places that offer advocacy. I went with one that dealt with children as it was about my children but they would represent me. Unfortunately the advocate that was assigned to me was ill (and 2 others on holiday) when the first CPP meeting took place. I decided to take a manager from a local support group that I had been attending with my children for 2 years who knew us.

At the very least you can have someone there for support and to remind you of anything that you wanted to say but may have forgotten.

I think if you wanted legal representation you may have to pay for it, we would have had to if we wanted to go down that route as it is not covered by legal aid.

You can message me if you would like any further details. I am in Scotland, not sure where you are but it may be different here than down south.

I hope you are okay as it's so stressful. Have they given any indication as to why they want to go in CPP?

Sending a virtual hug xx

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Our social worker also wants counselling for my children, mine are teenagers. I offered councilling but they have flat out refused at the moment. They know the offer is there and I have touched on it every so often and just said it is there whenever they are ready.

Are you still in a relationship? as this was a big factor as to why they went to CPP for us xx

Being placed on rhe CP register is to show there is a significant risk of harm.

I can only tell you my experience which isn't related to my ex's offence.

I was abused by my dad and even though my mum had full custody we were still placed on the 'at risk' register.

So long as your children aren't seeing him I would think that you yourself have nothing to worry about.

It's to make all professionals aware that have contact with your children that they could be at significant risk of harm.

How cruel of SS to put this on you with such a big wait.

Are there any local women's charities in your area ? Sometimes if you register with them you can have their support at meetings like this.

Unfortunately you might have to pay for legal advice.

So sorry you are going through this.

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Good morning (although I'm guessing it doesn't feel especially good at the moment for you)

We are parents of an offending son who has junior age children - our grandkids. They are on a CP plan and have been for nearly a year but it's a bit different as their mother has serious problems too which were flagging up lots of probs but our son was mitigating against the children being harmed from her behaviour. Without his presence it's all escalated so the CP conferences are about both parents. Just establishing that the details are different from yours but a few things to say off the top of my head which I think are common to all CP plans/conferences!



# you don't need a solicitor at a CP conference (as far as I know, there's been none at ours)

#right before the conference the chairperson should contact you for a chat where you can ask any questions, tell them how nervous/stressed you are about it all. Ours was lovely and it broke the ice for us and our son.

#you can ask anyone you like to come with you - obviously not a whole team but anyone whose opinion you trust and who you know is for you and not likely to put their foot in it!

#the emphasis is (or should be) always child centred, it's not a place to question and cross question anyone as if it's a court room.

#any information shared should ALWAYS be on a 'need to know' basis so it's definitely NOT appropriate for anyone (OIC, SW) to talk about specifics. There might be people like your children's educators, health visitor etc there who have no need to know exactly what has been found on the devices. My fear was that we'd hear things for the first time and how distressing that would be. My fears were justified thanks to the OIC but the chair person intervened and I hope the OIC got the message.

#the purpose of the conference is to establish a plan to keep your children safe and there will be monthly core meetings between the conferences where they are revisited and discussed with a small group of people and led by the SW.

#at the conclusion and after everyone has given their 'report', everyone gives a number denoting the severity of the children's safety risk and stating their reasons why, with the type of risk that's relevant eg risk of emotional harm etc. We were allowed input the first time but told it wouldn't count for the chairpersons decision but the process was then changed and now we're not asked to give our number. If you are asked for a number make sure you know if it goes up to the most harm being the highest number or the other way round. One of the 'professionals' got it the wrong way round and gave a very low score which meant very low risk and had to be asked if they were sure as everyone else was saying the risk was quite high! Things then conclude with the chairperson deciding if the CP plan is necessary and what grounds, or if things can be de-escalated to a CIN plan or even nothing.

Sorry if I'm telling you anything you already know. There is lots of info and advice on the Family Rights Group website too and a helpline for any specific questions you'd like to ask them where you can get legal advice from experts (although I've not used that myself as I have a bit of a phone phobia so no idea if it's any good.)

Easy to say but it really wasn't as awful as I was thinking it would be, although I know as grandparents we are slightly removed from it all. We went along in person but our son attended virtually the first time which was very unsatisfying for him as he felt a bit left out.

Good luck - it might be a good place to tactfully point out how difficult it is when you recieve info on a Friday so at the very least it will be minuted and the chairperson might even include it in their conclusions.

I do hope you can manage to put this somewhere mentally that doesn't dominate your weekend and you can find some peace xx

Yes it does sound unusual and rather extreme when your children are at no risk at all as they have no contact with their dad. That will definitely go in your favour so try not to worry (ha ha!!) Lots of solidarity from me!!

Mostly social like to cover their bottoms. You may come to the CPC and find it immediately dropped to CIN which is voluntary. Unless they have specific concerns which they should have already raised with you this is just them covering themselves. We've been on CP level at my request and we will remain there as I need the support currently we are homeless due to the after affects of his crimes. We have been very lucky to have had a lovely social worker and support worker for my child. And hopefully should be in our forever home by next month. Get what help you can from them I know a lot of people are fearful but not all social workers are bad and even if they are there's many ways to deal with issues like an advocate we have one for my child and one for myself we've not needed to use them recently thankfully but in the early days they were amazing at chasing and making sure things got done.

Hi. I'm sorry you are enduring this.
When my ex was arrested, Social Services got to my 14 year old daughter the very next day at school. I was informed by the school that said SW was driving my daughter home having been interviewed by them - without me. I was seriously p***ed off. When she arrived home with my daughter, she wanted to talk to my 12 year old son, without me. My ex had been remanded. Therefore Social Services closed the case surrounding the home and my children. They made it very clear though that they were only closing the case because my husband was going to be in prison for the foreseeable. If he'd been let out, regardless of my telling them that the relationship between him and me was over, my two youngest would have been placed on the CPR. They also told me that my two children would not be allowed ANY contact with their Father while he was in prison. No visits, no phone calls and no letters. My kids did write to him but their beautiful, kind and loving letters were sent back to them. When I visited him inside, the visiting hall was packed to the rafters with kids. I found this one of the most devastating things about this whole mess. My kids desperately wanted to see their Dad. My son cried himself to sleep night in night out. I went to see a Solicitor about the fact they said my kids couldn't have any contact. She told me in no uncertain terms to back off or else SS's would back round in a heartbeat to put the kids on the CPR. So I had to give up.
If your ex isn't in prison, I think you'll have an uphill struggle to prove you can keep them safe. They always said things to me like, "well you didn't know what he was doing under your own roof" etc. never had a leg to stand on. Take care. Xx