How likely is it this will go public ,
Notifications OFF
My 21 y/o so. Is at uni and is due in court next week... solicitor expects community order or most likely a suspended se fence.
my son has said if people find out he will kill himself.
he attempted to take his life the day he got arrested.
i am having a conversation with him today around safety planning, papyrus, support, plans for if his friends find out etc.
i just wondered what experiences people have around this information going public?
Any advice, info or experiences would be helpful.
thank you
my son has said if people find out he will kill himself.
he attempted to take his life the day he got arrested.
i am having a conversation with him today around safety planning, papyrus, support, plans for if his friends find out etc.
i just wondered what experiences people have around this information going public?
Any advice, info or experiences would be helpful.
thank you
Does your son have a solicitor who can appeal to the judge for privacy? If not he will have a duty defence solicitor on the day who you can talk to with your son's permission asking him/her to speak up for him in this way. Can you write a letter to the judge about your fears for his safety? The media is something we all dread but reading your post I was reflecting on how hard this would be for a youngster to deal with, especially his friends' reactions although he might be pleasantly surprised by the support he receives. It does seem hit and miss whose case gets into the media and whose doesn't but slight reassurance that lately on here there seem more cases where it doesn't than does, although that might not be an accurate reflection and of course, no help if your son is one of the ones that does get reported.
Another thought is that a few people posting on here have said that their person has changed their name before attending court so everything is under a different name. I felt at first it might look rather suspicious doing that, as if there was an attempt being made to disappear and offend again but actually that is all but impossible in this country with all the protocol around post court check ups, SHPOs etc plus the reason behind it would be either to protect families or, in your son's case, to help his mental health and self harming. That would be too late for next week but if it's only his plea hearing and the case is then referred to Crown Court, you would have time perhaps. It might give you all a bit of peace about all this.
Sending you all a hug and fingers crossed for next week.
Another thought is that a few people posting on here have said that their person has changed their name before attending court so everything is under a different name. I felt at first it might look rather suspicious doing that, as if there was an attempt being made to disappear and offend again but actually that is all but impossible in this country with all the protocol around post court check ups, SHPOs etc plus the reason behind it would be either to protect families or, in your son's case, to help his mental health and self harming. That would be too late for next week but if it's only his plea hearing and the case is then referred to Crown Court, you would have time perhaps. It might give you all a bit of peace about all this.
Sending you all a hug and fingers crossed for next week.
We had media exposure I have to say there was keyboard warriors but true friends have been nothing but support to us, I had asked for my daughters sake if we could have no press but sadly it was declined, but if you don't ask you don't get
Ours was in the media. There were keyboard warriors but nothing to our faces. It was the teenagers who were the worst. They egged the house a couple times but seen to have gotten bored now.
I have haemorrhaged friends due to the media attention but have also found out who my true friends are. I have been the target of some more direct 'intimidation' and criminal acts but it has all gone quiet. You learn to hold your head up and hopefully karma will get them
My son had already lost his best friend by the time the case was in the media but the small number of friends he still had stood by him.
Post deleted by user
Sofia x
My son was extremely suicidal throughout the beginning, while his case hit the media and it was awful, he lost his best friends, he has adjusted to the journey he is on , every day we lived on our nerves the fear of him wanting to end his life, but he didn't and he is doing so well, I am incredibly proud of him
Your son has you by his side and together you will get through this x
Hopefully it will stay out of the media and I wish you both a positive outcome next week x
My son was extremely suicidal throughout the beginning, while his case hit the media and it was awful, he lost his best friends, he has adjusted to the journey he is on , every day we lived on our nerves the fear of him wanting to end his life, but he didn't and he is doing so well, I am incredibly proud of him
Your son has you by his side and together you will get through this x
Hopefully it will stay out of the media and I wish you both a positive outcome next week x
Ours didn't make the media. Most don't
We changed my person's name the day before charges and the old name wasnt said in court. You can change your name same day/overnight if you need to, and you can ask a solicitor for help with this
Hope all goes as well as possible
We changed my person's name the day before charges and the old name wasnt said in court. You can change your name same day/overnight if you need to, and you can ask a solicitor for help with this
Hope all goes as well as possible
Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate your support.
Rainyday - We have looked into this and even got a psyciatric report which did say he was at risk. Justice has to be seen to beopen and it very rare apparently that a closed hearing will be allowed. if you apply for one they have to tell the press you have applied and so if it isn't granted, then you have effectively tipped off the press that something is going on. We have discussed this a lot with the solicitor - it seems like you can't win sadly.
We seem to be looking at just hoping no-one is observing - we were fine at the magistrates court but have crown court next week. to say we are all a bundle of nerves is an understatement. Even the solictor is worried about my son as he has said he will try to end his life if it gets out.
Rainyday & Inthemoment. I had no idea you could change your name so quickly.... my son doesn't want to. I get it. but want to do everything I can to keep my boy alive :(
Ocean - That mist have been so hard for your son. I know my son is extreemely frightened about losing his best friend esp as they are going to be living together at uni next year.
Upset mum - thank you so much. I am so glad you are in a better place. I feel like I will never have a day again when I don't worry about my son killing himself. All day every day it is just such an anxiety. I am extremely anxious about this getting out in the media and the effect this may have on all of us. our name is unusual and we are very easy to find.
I did safety planning for suiside with my son this weekend - we all deleted our social media accounts or changed their names etc. It is all pretty scary tbh.
Inturmol, Dory, Anxiousgirl
Thank you for sharing - you must be so strong. I guess there is no other choice. Will the police even do anything if something unlawful is done?
I am pretty scared about the whole thing tbh. and the impact on my work and my husband's we are very easy to find online and our businesses reply on integrity and safeguarding and whilst these have never been compromised it is awful to think this can derail our business/income. on top ofall the personal stuff for all our family obviously.
SO much to think about.
Thank you all so very much
Rainyday - We have looked into this and even got a psyciatric report which did say he was at risk. Justice has to be seen to beopen and it very rare apparently that a closed hearing will be allowed. if you apply for one they have to tell the press you have applied and so if it isn't granted, then you have effectively tipped off the press that something is going on. We have discussed this a lot with the solicitor - it seems like you can't win sadly.
We seem to be looking at just hoping no-one is observing - we were fine at the magistrates court but have crown court next week. to say we are all a bundle of nerves is an understatement. Even the solictor is worried about my son as he has said he will try to end his life if it gets out.
Rainyday & Inthemoment. I had no idea you could change your name so quickly.... my son doesn't want to. I get it. but want to do everything I can to keep my boy alive :(
Ocean - That mist have been so hard for your son. I know my son is extreemely frightened about losing his best friend esp as they are going to be living together at uni next year.
Upset mum - thank you so much. I am so glad you are in a better place. I feel like I will never have a day again when I don't worry about my son killing himself. All day every day it is just such an anxiety. I am extremely anxious about this getting out in the media and the effect this may have on all of us. our name is unusual and we are very easy to find.
I did safety planning for suiside with my son this weekend - we all deleted our social media accounts or changed their names etc. It is all pretty scary tbh.
Inturmol, Dory, Anxiousgirl
Thank you for sharing - you must be so strong. I guess there is no other choice. Will the police even do anything if something unlawful is done?
I am pretty scared about the whole thing tbh. and the impact on my work and my husband's we are very easy to find online and our businesses reply on integrity and safeguarding and whilst these have never been compromised it is awful to think this can derail our business/income. on top ofall the personal stuff for all our family obviously.
SO much to think about.
Thank you all so very much
Re your son and his name change, does he know he can change it back right after? My husband had the new name for around 3 months only. He may be feeling undeserving of the anonymity...but he is as deserving as anyone else
Re press, if they are there, to avoid photos, enter the court separately and get him to wear a hat/sunglasses/covid mask to hide his face. Inside court they can't take pictures. Ensure social media etc is shut down with no tagged photos
I hope all goes well
Re press, if they are there, to avoid photos, enter the court separately and get him to wear a hat/sunglasses/covid mask to hide his face. Inside court they can't take pictures. Ensure social media etc is shut down with no tagged photos
I hope all goes well
Hi Sofia,
With regards to the teenagers they didn't do anything but took a note of it. We haven't had any adults approach us other than those that were keyboard warriors, again not on our socials but on someone else's.
I hope you are okay xx
With regards to the teenagers they didn't do anything but took a note of it. We haven't had any adults approach us other than those that were keyboard warriors, again not on our socials but on someone else's.
I hope you are okay xx
This is my person's biggest fear, that it will all be in the media and the backlash that might bring for me, his daughter and our friends/family.
He's talking about changing his name (our surname is very unusual, I've only found one other person in the world with my name...) as he thinks that could help?
I think other than taking all photos down from social media etc there's not much we can do??
He's talking about changing his name (our surname is very unusual, I've only found one other person in the world with my name...) as he thinks that could help?
I think other than taking all photos down from social media etc there's not much we can do??
Thank you all.
I think we have left it quite late.. he has closed down his social media but pics till show up - apparently this will happen until google updates - who knew?
I'm not surprised the police won't do anything about vandalism tbh
It is terrifying - we are hardly sleeping - there are only 4 of us in the world with our last name and it would cause a lot of difficult for my son but also for the rest of us due to our businesses/work - I have never known such anxiety
the overriding issue is if my son attempts to take his life again. we ahev put in place all we can but he has already attempted once . it is so frightening
thanks for your good wishes. the support here has been invaluable
I think we have left it quite late.. he has closed down his social media but pics till show up - apparently this will happen until google updates - who knew?
I'm not surprised the police won't do anything about vandalism tbh
It is terrifying - we are hardly sleeping - there are only 4 of us in the world with our last name and it would cause a lot of difficult for my son but also for the rest of us due to our businesses/work - I have never known such anxiety
the overriding issue is if my son attempts to take his life again. we ahev put in place all we can but he has already attempted once . it is so frightening
thanks for your good wishes. the support here has been invaluable
My thoughts are with you and I pray this does not go in the media, Many cases do not and the judge will take your sons feelings into consideration.
my x husband was online only and everywhere. Pray for the best but be ready for the worst!! I hope you get the best rest you can. That your son has good legal advice and that your okay.
wishing your son all the best also.
you and your son will get through this. Sending love
I left my social media up. But put my x husbands down. I cannot defend what he did but nobody goes through life perfectly. You will be okay. Thousands of ppl threatened me. I'm just glad it came to pass. I noticed many others were not in the media.
TGTKOG
my x husband was online only and everywhere. Pray for the best but be ready for the worst!! I hope you get the best rest you can. That your son has good legal advice and that your okay.
wishing your son all the best also.
you and your son will get through this. Sending love
I left my social media up. But put my x husbands down. I cannot defend what he did but nobody goes through life perfectly. You will be okay. Thousands of ppl threatened me. I'm just glad it came to pass. I noticed many others were not in the media.
TGTKOG
My ex's case didn't make the media. It was one of my biggest fears and made me so anxious. According to his lawyers most cases don't. But it's just an awful feeling of fear so I feel your pain
Anxious Mummy and TGTKOG
Thank you so much.
The support of this group has been so important to me.
Isn't it hard when you can't tell anyone what is going on?
It's quite the rollercoaster of emotions and although I know most do not make the media... you never know..
let's see. Tuesday looms over us.
Take care
Thank you so much.
The support of this group has been so important to me.
Isn't it hard when you can't tell anyone what is going on?
It's quite the rollercoaster of emotions and although I know most do not make the media... you never know..
let's see. Tuesday looms over us.
Take care