This is my story and trauma, twice over
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Hello friends,
I feel so fortunate to have found you all.
7 years ago I got the 7am knock. We were 47 at the time and had 4 kids age 12,13,18, 19.
The shock was horrific. My two oldest were at Uni and came straight home. The Police spent 4 hours in my home confiscating thousands of pounds worth of electronics including all my kids stuff. We never got any of it back. The Police said we could have it back if we paid an outsourcing company £70 an hour to through each item. What a joke!
He was remanded and eventually sentenced to 3 years. He was my husband, best friend and carer. He left me destitute.
One of the absolute worst aspects for me was the press thing. We were told that there might be a court reporter at sentencing. There wasn't so I thought at got away with that. How wrong I was! Six weeks later the Police put his mug shot, crimes, sentence, name, age and the road we lived in on their FB page. It was then picked up by the press, radio etc. it was terrifying. By this point, all my "friends " had disappeared with some of them saying, "she must've known". I did not and the Police proved that. My youngest two had rocks thrown at them and were spat at in school. The trauma was and is immense.
9 months later I was given a chance to move to Italy With my two youngest. It was a no brainer to me. We managed 13 months but had to come back homeless and penniless. I was very very poorly by this point. The ex was out save was placed in a shared home with other criminals. By this point my two older adult kids weren't speaking to me because I went to Italy and it didn't work out.
We presented at the Council as homeless and where put in emergency accommodation. I was so so scared and had literally no one to help me. I slipped a disc and was in agony.
I have my own place now and live with my son who's an adult now. He adores his Dad, as do all my kids. Two years ago my ex reoffend. I was staggered. But, I now know that as soon as he let the cat out of the bag there's no going back. He'll always prioritise it over us. We have been divorced a few years by this point. Someone in his shared house Googled him and threatened him so he had to leave there and then.
This is where it gets even worse really. The Police didn't want him sofa surfing because they wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him. They put pressure on me to let him stay here on my living room floor. I agreed because in thought it would for a few months, tops. It turned into two years!! A few weeks ago I made him move to his Dads who in the past had always refused to have him. He's not my responsibility after all! I'd completely forgotten about the whole press thing. I live in a block of six flats. There's loads of kids living here but the Police were happy for him to stay here. I'm now paralysed with fear that when his case goes to court, again, the people around here are doing to find out about it. What's worse is we are living back where we were when he offended the first time. Fortunately, the second time he offended was in a different county under a different Police jurisdiction and he's officially of no fixed abode.
I am utterly traumatised. I have lost everything because of him. I would never have gone to Italy is he haven't done this. I thought I was going to be married forever. I took my vows seriously.
a few thoughts -
he didn't act on his desires until he was 47. He could've taken it to his grave.
i feel so let down by society. If he could've been honest and gone for help before he offended things MIGHT have been different.
The way the loved ones are treated is appalling.
My ex was really well known in our area because he worked in loads of local schools.
The press. This is a major issue for us. They put it out there to see if anyone comes forwards having been abused in person etc. our protection will never be a consideration.
Prison. Why isn't there someone who can talk us through the prison system? If you've never experienced it, it's extremely daunting and scary.
I was threatened with eviction because of what he did. I'd just layer upon layer of nightmares.
Having most everything and everyone apart from my son, I'm surviving on benefits and have Carers in everyday to help me shower etc because I'm so ill.
If you've read all this, I hope it isn't too much.
Take care. X
I feel so fortunate to have found you all.
7 years ago I got the 7am knock. We were 47 at the time and had 4 kids age 12,13,18, 19.
The shock was horrific. My two oldest were at Uni and came straight home. The Police spent 4 hours in my home confiscating thousands of pounds worth of electronics including all my kids stuff. We never got any of it back. The Police said we could have it back if we paid an outsourcing company £70 an hour to through each item. What a joke!
He was remanded and eventually sentenced to 3 years. He was my husband, best friend and carer. He left me destitute.
One of the absolute worst aspects for me was the press thing. We were told that there might be a court reporter at sentencing. There wasn't so I thought at got away with that. How wrong I was! Six weeks later the Police put his mug shot, crimes, sentence, name, age and the road we lived in on their FB page. It was then picked up by the press, radio etc. it was terrifying. By this point, all my "friends " had disappeared with some of them saying, "she must've known". I did not and the Police proved that. My youngest two had rocks thrown at them and were spat at in school. The trauma was and is immense.
9 months later I was given a chance to move to Italy With my two youngest. It was a no brainer to me. We managed 13 months but had to come back homeless and penniless. I was very very poorly by this point. The ex was out save was placed in a shared home with other criminals. By this point my two older adult kids weren't speaking to me because I went to Italy and it didn't work out.
We presented at the Council as homeless and where put in emergency accommodation. I was so so scared and had literally no one to help me. I slipped a disc and was in agony.
I have my own place now and live with my son who's an adult now. He adores his Dad, as do all my kids. Two years ago my ex reoffend. I was staggered. But, I now know that as soon as he let the cat out of the bag there's no going back. He'll always prioritise it over us. We have been divorced a few years by this point. Someone in his shared house Googled him and threatened him so he had to leave there and then.
This is where it gets even worse really. The Police didn't want him sofa surfing because they wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him. They put pressure on me to let him stay here on my living room floor. I agreed because in thought it would for a few months, tops. It turned into two years!! A few weeks ago I made him move to his Dads who in the past had always refused to have him. He's not my responsibility after all! I'd completely forgotten about the whole press thing. I live in a block of six flats. There's loads of kids living here but the Police were happy for him to stay here. I'm now paralysed with fear that when his case goes to court, again, the people around here are doing to find out about it. What's worse is we are living back where we were when he offended the first time. Fortunately, the second time he offended was in a different county under a different Police jurisdiction and he's officially of no fixed abode.
I am utterly traumatised. I have lost everything because of him. I would never have gone to Italy is he haven't done this. I thought I was going to be married forever. I took my vows seriously.
a few thoughts -
he didn't act on his desires until he was 47. He could've taken it to his grave.
i feel so let down by society. If he could've been honest and gone for help before he offended things MIGHT have been different.
The way the loved ones are treated is appalling.
My ex was really well known in our area because he worked in loads of local schools.
The press. This is a major issue for us. They put it out there to see if anyone comes forwards having been abused in person etc. our protection will never be a consideration.
Prison. Why isn't there someone who can talk us through the prison system? If you've never experienced it, it's extremely daunting and scary.
I was threatened with eviction because of what he did. I'd just layer upon layer of nightmares.
Having most everything and everyone apart from my son, I'm surviving on benefits and have Carers in everyday to help me shower etc because I'm so ill.
If you've read all this, I hope it isn't too much.
Take care. X
If you live in a housing association house are you allowed to continue living there ? My son has been charged with cat a b and c and he lives with me this really worried me
Mum in tears,
It depends on your tenancy agreement. Our was joint, so technically WE broke the tenancy by breaking the law at the property. However, my housing association allowed me to take on the tenancy on my own and they removed him so the issue was solved. They knew I wasn't involved. If someone had broken the tenancy by committing a crime then no, they will not be allowed to live there. I no longer live in that property and we are divorced. The stress from when I got that initial phonecall from the housing association when they told me that I could be evicted to when it got sorted was horrific. The reason they found out about my ex's offending was because the Police put a marker on the address which automatically informs the housing association/council. Total nightmare. X
It depends on your tenancy agreement. Our was joint, so technically WE broke the tenancy by breaking the law at the property. However, my housing association allowed me to take on the tenancy on my own and they removed him so the issue was solved. They knew I wasn't involved. If someone had broken the tenancy by committing a crime then no, they will not be allowed to live there. I no longer live in that property and we are divorced. The stress from when I got that initial phonecall from the housing association when they told me that I could be evicted to when it got sorted was horrific. The reason they found out about my ex's offending was because the Police put a marker on the address which automatically informs the housing association/council. Total nightmare. X
The tenancy is in my name my son is just listed as living at my address does this make a difference? I cannot not cope with finding somewhere else to live I thought this would be my forever home. Everyday just seems to be getting worse how much do we have to put up with before things get better.
Hi, I think you need to go through your tenancy bit by bit. My tenancy also said that anyone I had visiting the property who broke the law would mean I'd broken the tenancy agreement. If your landlord don't know he lives there, I guess they probably won't find out but can you live with the worry? It was the marker on the address that did it for me I think rather than them happening upon the news article about it, although that did mention the road we lived in. I have to say that if I were you, I'd be inclined to reach out to the landlord and explain what's happened. It's extremely unlikely they would make you homeless because of someone's actions that you knew nothing about. I'm not sure if I'm helping much but I wish you all the very best. Xx
If it's in a different county I presume the court will be too ?my son's was ,and it was reported in the local newspaper there Unfortunately everyone googled it so it made no difference.I was with a housing association and due to the fact ,I woke up to see flames going up to my bedroom window ,windows smashed ,car vandalised ,chased off estate by people wearing balaclavas etc ,was advised by the police to move .I was put on band A for a move ,but became homeless and it took 7 months to get housed . Hopefully things will be easier for you and it doesn't get in the papers ,as I think it's pot luck as to whether a reporter is at court on the day x
In my case it was irrelevant whether there was a reporter in court that day because the Police media department plastered the case all over the local county wide social media platforms.