I’m struggling
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Hi everyone. I've been quiet on here recently as i've been really struggling. just a quick recap my son received a suspended sentenced nine months ago no media coverage and at the time kept his job, but access to his children was stopped, currently going through the courts for supervised access but we know this can take years. Life will never be normal again but I don't understand why I'm feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of anxiety, we are over the worse so why do I feel so bad. Well 2 weeks ago I just felt this overwhelming feeling I had to get away. I explained as best I could to my husband but told him it wasn't negotiable and I just needed to be by myself. I literally spent a week with my dog walking every day, slept better than I have for a long time and this is the worst bit felt like I didn't care if I never saw my son again. It's also coming up to a year since I lost my mum and my best friend (who I miss more than words) so I did a lot of crying. I came back home and thought I'd be ok but with every mile closer to home I got the feelings came back of dread. Then 2 days ago I was doing my shopping and a man I know very vaguely (my sons ex family member) stopped me and said "does everyone know you're supporting a "P" and started shouting his mouth off. I was so scared and came home, but since then I've been too scared to leave the house. I just want everything to end this is not how I thought my life would be in my 60,s xx
Hi Mandy. I so know how you feel about the rollercoaster of emotions. My now ex husband got a suspended sentence last Oct. I was so relieved at the time and no media coverage. I have got so much stronger but still get hit by the pure overwhelm of what my family has been through. Only tonight my teenage son was crying himself to sleep because we have to move house. Just when I felt like we were having a better phase. It's such a hard journey but remember how far you have come. We have to believe that with time it will slowly get better. Sending love x
This is definitely the gift that keeps on giving were only 3 months past sentencing and media nightmare and I seem to be in a worse place than I was before sentencing, he was sentenced too 1 year supervision, 1 year on sor, and community payback there was no shpo, I am at the stage now should we move away from the area, but my heart says no don't let them win it was proven it was never searched for it was proven it could only be retrieved by an expert it was 5 images from a link of numbers and letters, he didn't report to the police what he seen though therefore was found guilty, of course media printed it totally different and not even the amount of images left it all too the imagination of others, our close friends and family have been amazing but this journey is so hard, we have been taking days out with the dog completely away from the area and that's helped us both.
Sending massive hugs xxx
Sending massive hugs xxx
Hi Mandymoo, I'm so sorry to know you're struggling. We're now 7 months post sentencing with a 2 year suspended sentence. I thought I'd feel better after sentencing but I didn't, I felt very flat and my anxiety and feelings of dread continued.
I've now realised that I have to work on improving my mental well-being and that it's not just going to get better on its own. I liken it to physiotherapy after a physical injury. I've joined an organisation in my local area which provides workshops for mental health well being and also attend weekly yoga classes which focus on meditation and which are specifically aimed at improving mental health.
My sons case was in the media so it's out there and people know what he's done. Anyone who criticises you for supporting your son really has no idea what you've been through and you wouldn't win because if you turned your back on your son you'd have people judging you for that too.
Like you my life isn't what I thought it would be but I'm also mindful that many things can happen to shatter our dreams.
If you're not already seeking help from your GP or a mental well-being organisation you might want to look into it. For me it's definitely been a help.
I've now realised that I have to work on improving my mental well-being and that it's not just going to get better on its own. I liken it to physiotherapy after a physical injury. I've joined an organisation in my local area which provides workshops for mental health well being and also attend weekly yoga classes which focus on meditation and which are specifically aimed at improving mental health.
My sons case was in the media so it's out there and people know what he's done. Anyone who criticises you for supporting your son really has no idea what you've been through and you wouldn't win because if you turned your back on your son you'd have people judging you for that too.
Like you my life isn't what I thought it would be but I'm also mindful that many things can happen to shatter our dreams.
If you're not already seeking help from your GP or a mental well-being organisation you might want to look into it. For me it's definitely been a help.
I feel so sad for you and for us overall, I too have just reached retirement age, can feel angry at this time of life to have a burdon like this to carry when I haven't hurt anyone....... and certainly don't deserve it, none of us do......
I can well understand the welcome of freedom you felt when away from it all. I often think how much I'd love to move and make a fresh start. This house holds wonderful family memories but the bad ones now seem to outweigh those times sadly. I'd certainly move if I were on my own.
just a loving post of reassurance Mandymoo and to say I thoroughly understand where you are coming from xxxxxx
I can well understand the welcome of freedom you felt when away from it all. I often think how much I'd love to move and make a fresh start. This house holds wonderful family memories but the bad ones now seem to outweigh those times sadly. I'd certainly move if I were on my own.
just a loving post of reassurance Mandymoo and to say I thoroughly understand where you are coming from xxxxxx
Hi Mandymoo and everyone else who has written. As someone just said this is the gift that keeps giving.
There's no handbook on how to handle any of this and if being alone with your dog and walking is helping then keep doing that. Know that you're not alone in those overwhelming feeling of pure fear that we all know so well.
Sending a huge virtual hug and an extra dose of strength to you to get through this wave of it x
There's no handbook on how to handle any of this and if being alone with your dog and walking is helping then keep doing that. Know that you're not alone in those overwhelming feeling of pure fear that we all know so well.
Sending a huge virtual hug and an extra dose of strength to you to get through this wave of it x
Hi Mandymoo,
I think we all feel simular. It does not seem to get any better. There are lots of times I really don't want to see my son or deal with any of it. Still get upset about it and feel like running away.
I really hope things get better for you xx
I think we all feel simular. It does not seem to get any better. There are lots of times I really don't want to see my son or deal with any of it. Still get upset about it and feel like running away.
I really hope things get better for you xx
The only way to 'survive' this is to do what you have done. Reach out to those that understand in some way. We have no control over the emotions we have,just how we manage them. We are all grieving for the life we knew & cannot get back.
My son is 5 months post sentence & is now living back with us,unemployed & friendless. He protects himself by job hunting,attending required appointments & solitary pursuits as before. It is so hard to move on as it is all still unknown until he tries - employment,accommodation,social life.
It breaks my heart that he was not welcome at his brother's housewarming.????
Best wishes for those awaiting decisions,accepting the sentence & managing family life on top.
My son is 5 months post sentence & is now living back with us,unemployed & friendless. He protects himself by job hunting,attending required appointments & solitary pursuits as before. It is so hard to move on as it is all still unknown until he tries - employment,accommodation,social life.
It breaks my heart that he was not welcome at his brother's housewarming.????
Best wishes for those awaiting decisions,accepting the sentence & managing family life on top.