Feel so hopeless
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Today was supposed to be the date our OIC had given us as they said they hadn’t found anything and were nearly done with my OH’s phones (he has no laptop or anything). After I asked the OIC they said another four weeks and that it can be up to a year. When the knock happened we were told two weeks?? I get that from a lot of posts on here that investigations can take a long time but I don’t understand why police keep misleading us? I’m so gutted as we’ve been anxiously waiting since feb and feel the OIC is so unsympathetic and patronising.
Does anyone know why the police handle these cases in such a weird way and how do you cope with it? It makes me feel so hopeless not getting anything from them when they have our whole future in their hands and not knowing anything is torture. I’d cancelled plans because it coincided with the date and wanted to be there for my OH only to still end up no further than we were. Everything just feels so bleak with this hanging over us and I’ve been struggling to cope. I've been doing everything to try and manage through it but anytime there's hope of getting somewhere it feels like another punch to the gut.
Does anyone know why the police handle these cases in such a weird way and how do you cope with it? It makes me feel so hopeless not getting anything from them when they have our whole future in their hands and not knowing anything is torture. I’d cancelled plans because it coincided with the date and wanted to be there for my OH only to still end up no further than we were. Everything just feels so bleak with this hanging over us and I’ve been struggling to cope. I've been doing everything to try and manage through it but anytime there's hope of getting somewhere it feels like another punch to the gut.
So the main reason why it takes so long to get answers, is that these kind of crimes have become a sort of pandemic. Queues for forensics are extremely long and different cases need different levels of forensics done. There's only a.set amount of officers to view the results. And cases are given priority levels.
I've heard that up to 1000 men get arrested for this every single month. And yes, I was told it's basically always a man.
It doesn't really justify the torture on the family. It is excruciating to just wait. Especially if you have kids and your life is hanging off balance. But you eventual find a new normal.
I've heard that up to 1000 men get arrested for this every single month. And yes, I was told it's basically always a man.
It doesn't really justify the torture on the family. It is excruciating to just wait. Especially if you have kids and your life is hanging off balance. But you eventual find a new normal.
Thanks for your reply! That's a shocking amount! I see why it takes a long time but why aren't they more honest about it? It seems like a lot of people on hear are promised dates that are never met. If we were told they are almost done then how can they do a 180 and say another month or even a year? And you're right about having children. It affects so many aspects of your life it seems impossible for anything to actually feel normal :(
Sometimes (personally) I don't think they see or even care the trauma these long waits can put on a family......
Understanding just how prolific these cases are becoming helps a bit in dealing with the waiting game but I think the bigger problem is the untruths we are told by the police about how long it will take.
I'm sure that if we know the statistics they must too and the only reason I can think for them just making up a timeframe is to avoid dealing with how frustrated/upset people would be if they told the truth, perish the thought that they might appear inefficient in the eyes of the public. The irony is that that is exactly how they end up appearing, but in our opinion they feel no shame and even enjoy the power they have telling us whatever they like with no comeback.
I'm sure that if we know the statistics they must too and the only reason I can think for them just making up a timeframe is to avoid dealing with how frustrated/upset people would be if they told the truth, perish the thought that they might appear inefficient in the eyes of the public. The irony is that that is exactly how they end up appearing, but in our opinion they feel no shame and even enjoy the power they have telling us whatever they like with no comeback.
I definitely get the sense that they don’t understand or care what it does to families and it’s just a job to them.
I can understand if the amount of cases is rising but it just makes it worse when you are given false hope and misinformation only to be let down again. My communication with the OIC has left me so disheartened and it’s had a massive effect on everyone involved and I’m getting more and more scared for my OH’s mental health. I’ve stressed this to them but keep getting responded to as though we’re angry customers at a restaurant complaining that our food is taking too long.
I can understand if the amount of cases is rising but it just makes it worse when you are given false hope and misinformation only to be let down again. My communication with the OIC has left me so disheartened and it’s had a massive effect on everyone involved and I’m getting more and more scared for my OH’s mental health. I’ve stressed this to them but keep getting responded to as though we’re angry customers at a restaurant complaining that our food is taking too long.
I wonder if it is all part of the plan not to be honest with us at the start as it would be too hard to hear so they drip feed information & updates. I was told weeks & months but it doesn't take too much to come on here and find out that is not true and years is more realistic in most cases. I hope that lies are told to protect partners / parents rather than them being completely useless
The problem I have is that they tell the men the same, and my OH believe them so I came over as the bad guy telling him, that they were telling him a load of rubbish.
I was told by a SW they had searched over 1,000 images with another 1,000 to go but that was 6 months ago now and I am now wondering if that was a lie too by the SW to get some sort of reaction and test me how I felt about the volume of images (many which are legal porn due to porn addiction).
The problem I have is that they tell the men the same, and my OH believe them so I came over as the bad guy telling him, that they were telling him a load of rubbish.
I was told by a SW they had searched over 1,000 images with another 1,000 to go but that was 6 months ago now and I am now wondering if that was a lie too by the SW to get some sort of reaction and test me how I felt about the volume of images (many which are legal porn due to porn addiction).
I don’t know if this is their intention, but as you say even a quick google tells you the reality of the timescale. When you see that but are told a shorter time by police it gives you some false hope and the anticipation waiting for the dates they give is awful.
I agree about us having to tell them and be the bad guy. I had to do the same with my OH and he broke down when I’d told him and it broke my heart.
We were told they are almost done looking at the phone and it’s lies like this that make me lose faith and just gives me more questions go mad over.
I agree about us having to tell them and be the bad guy. I had to do the same with my OH and he broke down when I’d told him and it broke my heart.
We were told they are almost done looking at the phone and it’s lies like this that make me lose faith and just gives me more questions go mad over.