Child protection conference advice
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I have just had a meeting with the social worker about an upcoming CP conference.
she said all will be good that she is saying that I have done everyone from the beginning to protect my children .
she said she will be highlighting 3 things as possibly negative in my eyes
1 . I have not allowed my children to go to counselling ( I have said no to counselling from the start as I felt that I can support my children better than a stranger) social worker says the children are not getting enough emotional support. Every time she comes my daughter now says immediately "im still really missing dad". This is the first time in literally weeks that she has even mentioned her dad .
2. she said I was "pushing for contact " ( back at the beginning I had mentioned several times about paying for a private risk assessment . This is what she is referring to .
3. Not giving my children more information ( I have told the children that their father is working and that he can not speak to us on the phone, they have been happy with this and my daughter has asked the odd time where he is but nothing drastic)
I have told her that every decision I have made I felt was the best one for my children , I know them inside out and I felt that keeping it simple is the best way . But to the social worker this is not enough , and from what she is saying that I am emotionally not supporting the children properly.
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach about the conference . My children have no contact with their father at all . No calls nothing. It's so frustrating that I am being looked at as a parent when I live for my children .
little things I say are being taken wrongly and that's what im finding hard .
she also said I can bring along a solicitor . Should I have one ? I don't even have a solicitor
any advice ? Thank you
she said all will be good that she is saying that I have done everyone from the beginning to protect my children .
she said she will be highlighting 3 things as possibly negative in my eyes
1 . I have not allowed my children to go to counselling ( I have said no to counselling from the start as I felt that I can support my children better than a stranger) social worker says the children are not getting enough emotional support. Every time she comes my daughter now says immediately "im still really missing dad". This is the first time in literally weeks that she has even mentioned her dad .
2. she said I was "pushing for contact " ( back at the beginning I had mentioned several times about paying for a private risk assessment . This is what she is referring to .
3. Not giving my children more information ( I have told the children that their father is working and that he can not speak to us on the phone, they have been happy with this and my daughter has asked the odd time where he is but nothing drastic)
I have told her that every decision I have made I felt was the best one for my children , I know them inside out and I felt that keeping it simple is the best way . But to the social worker this is not enough , and from what she is saying that I am emotionally not supporting the children properly.
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach about the conference . My children have no contact with their father at all . No calls nothing. It's so frustrating that I am being looked at as a parent when I live for my children .
little things I say are being taken wrongly and that's what im finding hard .
she also said I can bring along a solicitor . Should I have one ? I don't even have a solicitor
any advice ? Thank you
Hi, I hope I help ease your mind a little, well I will try to anyway.
Before you go to icpc, you will receive reports from various agencies involved with your child/ren, write your own one, make copies for all to have, pass them out at the meeting, address everything that they have put into their reports and counter them.
please please please and I can not say this enough take someone with you, I did this alone and I had a panic attack the whole way through. You don't need a solicitor but please take along a parent/friend/ family member. It will ease your worry and they can help you counter what the authorities are saying.
be prepared that there will most likely be a lot of bs said and you will get angry, try to contain your pain and anger, easier said than done, counter everything. Make sure it's written down.
take your own notes, i gaurentee that they say that there is someone taking notes but take your own anyway and refer back to them.
if you feel the need to appeal the decision made, do it, make sure you have proof to back yourself up, use their own words against them if you have to. Ie they say your a great mum but they are worried about you minimilising the offence, request to know how you are doing so, and proove to them you have understanding and are not minimising.
icpc and cp meetings are both stressful and traumatic, remember you got this, you're amazing, you are innocent and you are better than them.
good luck xx
Before you go to icpc, you will receive reports from various agencies involved with your child/ren, write your own one, make copies for all to have, pass them out at the meeting, address everything that they have put into their reports and counter them.
please please please and I can not say this enough take someone with you, I did this alone and I had a panic attack the whole way through. You don't need a solicitor but please take along a parent/friend/ family member. It will ease your worry and they can help you counter what the authorities are saying.
be prepared that there will most likely be a lot of bs said and you will get angry, try to contain your pain and anger, easier said than done, counter everything. Make sure it's written down.
take your own notes, i gaurentee that they say that there is someone taking notes but take your own anyway and refer back to them.
if you feel the need to appeal the decision made, do it, make sure you have proof to back yourself up, use their own words against them if you have to. Ie they say your a great mum but they are worried about you minimilising the offence, request to know how you are doing so, and proove to them you have understanding and are not minimising.
icpc and cp meetings are both stressful and traumatic, remember you got this, you're amazing, you are innocent and you are better than them.
good luck xx
Hi, so sorry you're going through this. I can completely empathise.
Why would you send your children to counselling for their Dad being away and unable to speak on the phone? Doesn't make sense but also, if there's nothing to "counsell" you'd surely be creating something that isn't there. It really frustrates me that they are basically saying you aren't best placed to decided what's right for your children.
After my ex's arrest I was told by SS's that my children wouldn't be allowed any contact at all, no visiting, no phone calls, no letters. I was so appalled (my kids adore their Dad), that I went to see a Solicitor. She told me in no uncertain terms to back off or SS's could start looking at me! I just despair. What was even worse than that was when I visited him in prison, the visiting hall was FULLZ of kids visiting other prisoners! My kids were 12 and 14 at the time so perfectly able to state whether they wanted to see him or not.
i wish you all the very best. X
Why would you send your children to counselling for their Dad being away and unable to speak on the phone? Doesn't make sense but also, if there's nothing to "counsell" you'd surely be creating something that isn't there. It really frustrates me that they are basically saying you aren't best placed to decided what's right for your children.
After my ex's arrest I was told by SS's that my children wouldn't be allowed any contact at all, no visiting, no phone calls, no letters. I was so appalled (my kids adore their Dad), that I went to see a Solicitor. She told me in no uncertain terms to back off or SS's could start looking at me! I just despair. What was even worse than that was when I visited him in prison, the visiting hall was FULLZ of kids visiting other prisoners! My kids were 12 and 14 at the time so perfectly able to state whether they wanted to see him or not.
i wish you all the very best. X
The conference was the second worst thing I had the endure on this journey - after the knock. I don't want to scare you, I want you to be prepared.
My experience has left me to come to two conclusions
1. the independent chair is not independent - will have LA email and all workers will be colleagues. The chair will grill SS for not doing a better job. (Eg be harder on you)
2. Outcome of the meeting is pre-decided in professionals meeting, so do go and fight your corner but don't be disheartened if they disregard your responses.
I hope you have a better experience than mine, however it really is ok for your children to be in CPP. It's not for ever. We get fortnightly visits, and there are lots of core meetings and review conferences to attend but manageable. You repeat yourself all the time to everyone. They get paid and you get upset.
My experience has left me to come to two conclusions
1. the independent chair is not independent - will have LA email and all workers will be colleagues. The chair will grill SS for not doing a better job. (Eg be harder on you)
2. Outcome of the meeting is pre-decided in professionals meeting, so do go and fight your corner but don't be disheartened if they disregard your responses.
I hope you have a better experience than mine, however it really is ok for your children to be in CPP. It's not for ever. We get fortnightly visits, and there are lots of core meetings and review conferences to attend but manageable. You repeat yourself all the time to everyone. They get paid and you get upset.
Flower, my experience mirrors yours. I attended the case conferences with my son to support him. We went into the first case conference quite naively and came out feeling traumatised. The chair had already decided that the children were going on CPP and didn't want to hear the view from the police when they disagreed. As bad as the case conference was, the reality of being on CPP was much better than we anticipated and after about 18 months it got downgraded to child in need before eventually being closed as long as the supervision restriction was adhered to.
Hi
Just in terms of counselling. Counselling doesn't mean that a parent is unable to offer support. It just means there's more support available for the child. They don't get forced to talk about the knock or anything related to it. They probably wouldn't even get questions related to it, but rather general questions and then if something comes up, they can delve further into it and offer coping mechanisms.
Sometimes a child might not want to see their parent upset and therefore won't discuss things that upset them. In those scenarios counselling can be of help. My experience is that you will also have a chat with the counsellor yourself to discuss what will happen in sessions and what kind of counselling will be offered (eg art therapy, play therapy, CBT etc). There are many things that can be taught for example coping with anger or anxiety that genuinely help.
Just in terms of counselling. Counselling doesn't mean that a parent is unable to offer support. It just means there's more support available for the child. They don't get forced to talk about the knock or anything related to it. They probably wouldn't even get questions related to it, but rather general questions and then if something comes up, they can delve further into it and offer coping mechanisms.
Sometimes a child might not want to see their parent upset and therefore won't discuss things that upset them. In those scenarios counselling can be of help. My experience is that you will also have a chat with the counsellor yourself to discuss what will happen in sessions and what kind of counselling will be offered (eg art therapy, play therapy, CBT etc). There are many things that can be taught for example coping with anger or anxiety that genuinely help.
I'm really worried counselling will put ideas in their head or get them thinking more when they really haven't been at all .
im also worried that by telling them more about the situation that not only will they miss him as they are at the moment but worry will be added on top
im also worried that by telling them more about the situation that not only will they miss him as they are at the moment but worry will be added on top
Counselling helped my daughter immensely through the journey I found it so hard though I kept thinking as a mum this should be all on me,I have to say my daughter is in a far better place past sentencing and hasn't seen her Councillor in a couple months.
Devastatedwife - what kind of ideas are you worried they'll put in her head?
The idea of counselling isn't to put any ideas in anyone's head. It's only to give tools to cope with certain thoughts and give space to talk.
I've personally had years of counselling and I've never had a counsellor who'd try to put ideas in my head.
The idea of counselling isn't to put any ideas in anyone's head. It's only to give tools to cope with certain thoughts and give space to talk.
I've personally had years of counselling and I've never had a counsellor who'd try to put ideas in my head.