Hi, I’m new here. I’m going through this a second time
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Hello friends,
I feel so fortunate to have found you all.
7 years ago I got the 7am knock. We were 47 at the time and had 4 kids age 12,13,18, 19.
The shock was horrific. My two oldest were at Uni and came straight home. The Police spent 4 hours in my home confiscating thousands of pounds worth of electronics including all my kids stuff. We never got any of it back. The Police said we could have it back if we paid an outsourcing company £70 an hour to through each item. What a joke!
He was remanded and eventually sentenced to 3 years. He was my husband, best friend and carer. He left me destitute.
One of the absolute worst aspects for me was the press thing. We were told that there might be a court reporter at sentencing. There wasn't so I thought at got away with that. How wrong I was! Six weeks later the Police put his mug shot, crimes, sentence, name, age and the road we lived in on their FB page. It was then picked up by the press, radio etc. it was terrifying. By this point, all my "friends " had disappeared with some of them saying, "she must've known". I did not and the Police proved that. My youngest two had rocks thrown at them and were spat at in school. The trauma was and is immense.
9 months later I was given a chance to move to Italy With my two youngest. It was a no brainer to me. We managed 13 months but had to come back homeless and penniless. I was very very poorly by this point. The ex was out save was placed in a shared home with other criminals. By this point my two older adult kids weren't speaking to me because I went to Italy and it didn't work out.
We presented at the Council as homeless and where put in emergency accommodation. I was so so scared and had literally no one to help me. I slipped a disc and was in agony.
I have my own place now and live with my son who's an adult now. He adores his Dad, as do all my kids. Two years ago my ex reoffend. I was staggered. But, I now know that as soon as he let the cat out of the bag there's no going back. He'll always prioritise it over us. We have been divorced a few years by this point. Someone in his shared house Googled him and threatened him so he had to leave there and then.
This is where it gets even worse really. The Police didn't want him sofa surfing because they wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him. They put pressure on me to let him stay here on my living room floor. I agreed because in thought it would for a few months, tops. It turned into two years!! A few weeks ago I made him move to his Dads who in the past had always refused to have him. He's not my responsibility after all! I'd completely forgotten about the whole press thing. I live in a block of six flats. There's loads of kids living here but the Police were happy for him to stay here. I'm now paralysed with fear that when his case goes to court, again, the people around here are doing to find out about it. What's worse is we are living back where we were when he offended the first time. Fortunately, the second time he offended was in a different county under a different Police jurisdiction and he's officially of no fixed abode.
I am utterly traumatised. I have lost everything because of him. I would never have gone to Italy is he haven't done this. I thought I was going to be married forever. I took my vows seriously.
a few thoughts -
he didn't act on his desires until he was 47. He could've taken it to his grave.
i feel so let down by society. If he could've been honest and gone for help before he offended things MIGHT have been different.
The way the loved ones are treated is appalling.
My ex was really well known in our area because he worked in loads of local schools.
The press. This is a major issue for us. They put it out there to see if anyone comes forwards having been abused in person etc. our protection will never be a consideration.
Prison. Why isn't there someone who can talk us through the prison system? If you've never experienced it, it's extremely daunting and scary.
I was threatened with eviction because of what he did. I'd just layer upon layer of nightmares.
Having most everything and everyone apart from my son, I'm surviving on benefits and have Carers in everyday to help me shower etc because I'm so ill.
If you've read all this, I hope it isn't too much.
Take care. X
I feel so fortunate to have found you all.
7 years ago I got the 7am knock. We were 47 at the time and had 4 kids age 12,13,18, 19.
The shock was horrific. My two oldest were at Uni and came straight home. The Police spent 4 hours in my home confiscating thousands of pounds worth of electronics including all my kids stuff. We never got any of it back. The Police said we could have it back if we paid an outsourcing company £70 an hour to through each item. What a joke!
He was remanded and eventually sentenced to 3 years. He was my husband, best friend and carer. He left me destitute.
One of the absolute worst aspects for me was the press thing. We were told that there might be a court reporter at sentencing. There wasn't so I thought at got away with that. How wrong I was! Six weeks later the Police put his mug shot, crimes, sentence, name, age and the road we lived in on their FB page. It was then picked up by the press, radio etc. it was terrifying. By this point, all my "friends " had disappeared with some of them saying, "she must've known". I did not and the Police proved that. My youngest two had rocks thrown at them and were spat at in school. The trauma was and is immense.
9 months later I was given a chance to move to Italy With my two youngest. It was a no brainer to me. We managed 13 months but had to come back homeless and penniless. I was very very poorly by this point. The ex was out save was placed in a shared home with other criminals. By this point my two older adult kids weren't speaking to me because I went to Italy and it didn't work out.
We presented at the Council as homeless and where put in emergency accommodation. I was so so scared and had literally no one to help me. I slipped a disc and was in agony.
I have my own place now and live with my son who's an adult now. He adores his Dad, as do all my kids. Two years ago my ex reoffend. I was staggered. But, I now know that as soon as he let the cat out of the bag there's no going back. He'll always prioritise it over us. We have been divorced a few years by this point. Someone in his shared house Googled him and threatened him so he had to leave there and then.
This is where it gets even worse really. The Police didn't want him sofa surfing because they wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him. They put pressure on me to let him stay here on my living room floor. I agreed because in thought it would for a few months, tops. It turned into two years!! A few weeks ago I made him move to his Dads who in the past had always refused to have him. He's not my responsibility after all! I'd completely forgotten about the whole press thing. I live in a block of six flats. There's loads of kids living here but the Police were happy for him to stay here. I'm now paralysed with fear that when his case goes to court, again, the people around here are doing to find out about it. What's worse is we are living back where we were when he offended the first time. Fortunately, the second time he offended was in a different county under a different Police jurisdiction and he's officially of no fixed abode.
I am utterly traumatised. I have lost everything because of him. I would never have gone to Italy is he haven't done this. I thought I was going to be married forever. I took my vows seriously.
a few thoughts -
he didn't act on his desires until he was 47. He could've taken it to his grave.
i feel so let down by society. If he could've been honest and gone for help before he offended things MIGHT have been different.
The way the loved ones are treated is appalling.
My ex was really well known in our area because he worked in loads of local schools.
The press. This is a major issue for us. They put it out there to see if anyone comes forwards having been abused in person etc. our protection will never be a consideration.
Prison. Why isn't there someone who can talk us through the prison system? If you've never experienced it, it's extremely daunting and scary.
I was threatened with eviction because of what he did. I'd just layer upon layer of nightmares.
Having most everything and everyone apart from my son, I'm surviving on benefits and have Carers in everyday to help me shower etc because I'm so ill.
If you've read all this, I hope it isn't too much.
Take care. X
Littlerobin x
I am so sorry you have found yourself here on this horrendous journey again x
Just breath lovely your mind is racing and understandably with what you have to deal with,
Have you reached out to the helpline at all?
Firstly you need to focus on your wellbeing
Do you have support?
Is your OH still at his dads? He can also call the helpline
My son is the offender so different to your journey , x
I don't have much advise but I couldn't just read your post and not comment x
I am so sorry you have found yourself here on this horrendous journey again x
Just breath lovely your mind is racing and understandably with what you have to deal with,
Have you reached out to the helpline at all?
Firstly you need to focus on your wellbeing
Do you have support?
Is your OH still at his dads? He can also call the helpline
My son is the offender so different to your journey , x
I don't have much advise but I couldn't just read your post and not comment x
My heart is breaking for you Littlerobin xx
I am so sorry you find yourself back here after the awful trauma from last time x
The helpline has been my lifeline over the past few weeks. Please call them as I'm sure you can't think straight and your head is a whirl.
I really can't offer hekp, how i wish I could, but know you are not alone x
The system is awful- we all know that, and we are all victims in this x
I send my love to you xxx
I am so sorry you find yourself back here after the awful trauma from last time x
The helpline has been my lifeline over the past few weeks. Please call them as I'm sure you can't think straight and your head is a whirl.
I really can't offer hekp, how i wish I could, but know you are not alone x
The system is awful- we all know that, and we are all victims in this x
I send my love to you xxx
I'm not sure who I'm replying to here, I'm still getting to grips with this.
i have no support. My three adult daughters stopped all communication with me because I had the opportunity to move to Italy after the ex's first conviction. It didn't work out so I had to return with my youngest, homeless and destitute. They used to visit my ex in prison but can't deal with my relocating to Italy and having to return to the UK because my youngest two couldn't cope. They blame me for everything.
My ex has literally ruined my life. I've lost everything apart from my youngest son who went through the worst of it with me.
Is the FB Dandelion group still active? Can anyone help me with this? I suffer with severe PTSD and I think the only people I can possibly trust are those who've been through it. Everyone else has disappeared. Xx
i have no support. My three adult daughters stopped all communication with me because I had the opportunity to move to Italy after the ex's first conviction. It didn't work out so I had to return with my youngest, homeless and destitute. They used to visit my ex in prison but can't deal with my relocating to Italy and having to return to the UK because my youngest two couldn't cope. They blame me for everything.
My ex has literally ruined my life. I've lost everything apart from my youngest son who went through the worst of it with me.
Is the FB Dandelion group still active? Can anyone help me with this? I suffer with severe PTSD and I think the only people I can possibly trust are those who've been through it. Everyone else has disappeared. Xx
Hi Robin,
So sorry you are going through this. Yes the Facebook page is still active. There are a few of us on there.
So sorry you are going through this. Yes the Facebook page is still active. There are a few of us on there.
Dory, can you help me get into the FB group? Thanks