Family and Friends Forum

Hi



we are in similar position. We moved. Nobody here knew a thing as far as we were concerned. Fast forward to son going to prison for communication offence and things changed. We visit our son as much as we are allowed. I’m naturally friendly and would chat away to the prison visit staff while waiting to be cleared and searched for the the visit.

fast forward three months and I go to collect my grandson from nursery and a man I cannot quite place says oh hello. Fast forward to the next day and arriving at our sons visit. Who should be standing in front of me saying hello? The same man,! The prison visit officer. We are so worried now because they are supposed to be bound to keep things confidential but we have no idea if they do or whether they tip the nod to certain people. To make matters worse I’ve since realised he lives on the next street to me. Both small streets so in reality about thirty doors away if that. In fact doing calculation in my head he lives 22 doors from me. It’s hard to describe the worry this is causing me.

SallyBlue, what report has been made? Are you ok lovely?

Hi Sallyblue

wS so hoping this was going to be a fresh start for you - hope it turns out ok x

SallyBlue / nicenana

Oh no, sorry for both of your that your moves didn't turn out to be the fresh start that you were hoping for.

Hi SallyBlue,

Sorry I have slipped off the radar for I while. I'm so so sorry you now have this worry to contend with. Would this child's parents know about your husband for sure? If they do can't the police warn them not to divulge any information to anyone else, like with Sarah's law? Hope you get it sorted, I can only imagine how hard it must be on you all. Xx

Nicenana,

So sorry to hear you have worries to with your new start. The people working in the prison must be bound by confidentiality. It maybe worth you saying to this person that you are reminding them of the need for confidentiality and that it would be a serious matter if this was broken.

Hope it sorts itself out for you. Xx

Hi dottie



its funny yo mentioned that because I did that very thing yesterday while on a prison visit. I asked the person for a word simply because my anxiety had gone through the roof. He said he’s bound by confidentiality as you say and wouldn’t do that at all. He said most people want to forget about the place when they go home. True or not remains to be seen.

i also spoke to the visit manager who I’ve got on with since I had to start making visits to the prison. He was very good about it and tried to reassure me that the member of staff would not repeat anything he sees or hears at the prison. He said I’ve to go and see him should I hear anything that remotely sounds like the staff member has said anything. I really hope he’s right. I’ve no idea if I can stay here now or not as the paranoia and anxiety could take over. Trouble is, we can’t keep running. It could all come out wherever we go so in some ways probably best to take our chances and stay put. X

Nicenanna it's more than their jobsworth to say anything. It would probably be an immediate sacking at minimum. Pop it to the back of your mind and try and carry on in your new life xxx

Hi hilltop

thank you for your words of reassurance. We will just have to wait and see and hope the paranoia calms down. In some ways as awful as it is, I wonder whether it’s better it just all comes out so that everyone knows. That way at least I’d not be wondering if people know every two minutes. I think your right, I don’t think the prison worker will risk saying anything. Not for our benefit but for his own and his families. He has a mortgage and a couple of kids so my logic would be why would he put his family home at risk just for a bit of hpgossip. I tell myself he just wouldn’t and hope for the best I’m right x

Nicenana, it wouldn't be worth it for him to blab, I think you should just give yourself time there. As you say you can't keep running. They always say you can run but you can't hide. Maybe that's true. I think you will be okay though. Most prison staff want to see offenders leave and have a good crime free life. It wouldn't be in anyone's best interests for him to let your secret out.

Good luck and try not to worry. Sending love your way. Xx

I think that the initial knock is often such a shock for all of us that everytime we have a small blip along the way our brains will now just go immediately into panic mode, overanalysing and imaging the worst case scenario. Another legacy that this horrific experience leaves behind. But yet there's very little out there by way of support for us. The ones who did nothing wrong!

Hilltop

I couldn't agree with you more. In fact I believe that in my case the police instilled fear in me by their parting comments. After taking my husband away and having my home searched for over 2 hours and being constantly questioned, as they left the senior officer said to me that I should tell absolutely nobody about the issue because there were people 'out there' who would happily throw a brick through my window or similar.

These chilling comments made me a nervious wreck for several months and I still spend time looking out the window for unusual activity in our road. It's another way my life has changed forever and like you I am not guilt of any crime.

Anyway, let us all stay strong.