Child protection conference help
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Can I ask you all a couple of questions please maybe you can give me some advice . My social worker called me tonight and read through the report she is going to read at the conference.
Some of the things she said I really am not happy with.
a couple of months into this I had been in regular contact with stop it now and also talking forward . Private risk assessments have been mentioned numerous times . So I had asked the social worker about that. Not much came of it at the time.
She says in the report that asking for private risk assessments I was "pushing for contact" . This is not the case at all . My children's safety is the most important thing on this planet and I would never put them at any risk and push contact. I really don't understand her prospective. The risk assessment does happen down the line at some stage . So in my eyes if there was a way I could quicken the process for the well-being of my kids I would .
not telling the children more and saying no to counselling is emotional neglect . She says she will be recommending they be placed in the register on 2 counts 1. Sexual risk and emotional.
I find this so hard to swollow to be honest that basically what I have done and what I felt was best for my children has now been seen as not meeting their emotional needs .
I haven't felt that my children needed counselling because at present they think their dad is "at work" . I have not said no to counselling down the line but so far I feel like they haven't needed it .
I would like to have a response maybe write something up in response to what she has said . Do you have any advice on what I could say ? I know I am a good mum and would do anything on this earth for them so I'm so frustrated that I feel one of the points she's putting forward is emotional neglect which is what I am doing obviously and how I have dealt with the situation.
I feel like the decision is already made about putting the children on the register . The social worker said her and her senior (who is on the conference) would recommend the register so that only leave about 3 others who would have an input who will be present .
Some of the things she said I really am not happy with.
a couple of months into this I had been in regular contact with stop it now and also talking forward . Private risk assessments have been mentioned numerous times . So I had asked the social worker about that. Not much came of it at the time.
She says in the report that asking for private risk assessments I was "pushing for contact" . This is not the case at all . My children's safety is the most important thing on this planet and I would never put them at any risk and push contact. I really don't understand her prospective. The risk assessment does happen down the line at some stage . So in my eyes if there was a way I could quicken the process for the well-being of my kids I would .
not telling the children more and saying no to counselling is emotional neglect . She says she will be recommending they be placed in the register on 2 counts 1. Sexual risk and emotional.
I find this so hard to swollow to be honest that basically what I have done and what I felt was best for my children has now been seen as not meeting their emotional needs .
I haven't felt that my children needed counselling because at present they think their dad is "at work" . I have not said no to counselling down the line but so far I feel like they haven't needed it .
I would like to have a response maybe write something up in response to what she has said . Do you have any advice on what I could say ? I know I am a good mum and would do anything on this earth for them so I'm so frustrated that I feel one of the points she's putting forward is emotional neglect which is what I am doing obviously and how I have dealt with the situation.
I feel like the decision is already made about putting the children on the register . The social worker said her and her senior (who is on the conference) would recommend the register so that only leave about 3 others who would have an input who will be present .
Hi.
In addition to my response to your previous post about the conference, I want to advise you to change your perspective. It is impossible to work with social services if you feel that they are 'after you'.
Most abuse children are abused by family members, and majority of them do not talk about the events that took place, ever. Social workers do not have a way of knowing us, our loved ones, our children, and our parenting or protectiveness over a few fleeting visits. Often the assesments can only take place if risk is escalated (eg children in CPP).
Nobody is trying to harm your babies, and I am a mother whose children are also in CPP. This does not mean you failed them! There is a protocol and a process in place.
Everyone is doing their job, and we have to pull up big mama leggings and pop the hair in the bun and do ours. It's not easy but so many other mamabears on this platform has managed to keep and pull their family back together and that's my aim too, in the long run.
Sorry I do not have advise on what to say, but go in strong, come out working towards reducing or eliminating the concerns highlighted, don't be defeated.
Hugs x
In addition to my response to your previous post about the conference, I want to advise you to change your perspective. It is impossible to work with social services if you feel that they are 'after you'.
Most abuse children are abused by family members, and majority of them do not talk about the events that took place, ever. Social workers do not have a way of knowing us, our loved ones, our children, and our parenting or protectiveness over a few fleeting visits. Often the assesments can only take place if risk is escalated (eg children in CPP).
Nobody is trying to harm your babies, and I am a mother whose children are also in CPP. This does not mean you failed them! There is a protocol and a process in place.
Everyone is doing their job, and we have to pull up big mama leggings and pop the hair in the bun and do ours. It's not easy but so many other mamabears on this platform has managed to keep and pull their family back together and that's my aim too, in the long run.
Sorry I do not have advise on what to say, but go in strong, come out working towards reducing or eliminating the concerns highlighted, don't be defeated.
Hugs x
I don't think they are following protocol at all.
What I've learned from reading so many posts on this forum is that social workers responses vary so much when it comes to these crimes.
I agree though that you have to work together with them. Even if you know they are wrong, don't say that.
In your case I would say something like:
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I spoke to the Lucy Faithful organisation at the beginning and they are a very respected organisation, even the police works together with them. During my conversations with them private risk assessments were recommended. As they are professionals I followed their advice and mentioned those risk assessments to you. I did this because I didn't want to hurt my kids by cutting off contact completely.
THat doesn't mean I'm not protective of my kids, I just didn't want them traumatise them anymore than necessary and for that reason I wanted to speed up the risk assessments that would be done further down the line.
In my opinion that makes me a protective mother, who cares about the emotional wellbeing of her children.
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In regards to the therapy I would disagree with you and I think you should allow them to have therapy. Therapy can be hugely beneficial, where they can talk about their worries and fears. It must be unsettling for them that their dad isn't in their life anymore, whether they know the reason for it or not.
What I've learned from reading so many posts on this forum is that social workers responses vary so much when it comes to these crimes.
I agree though that you have to work together with them. Even if you know they are wrong, don't say that.
In your case I would say something like:
--------------
I spoke to the Lucy Faithful organisation at the beginning and they are a very respected organisation, even the police works together with them. During my conversations with them private risk assessments were recommended. As they are professionals I followed their advice and mentioned those risk assessments to you. I did this because I didn't want to hurt my kids by cutting off contact completely.
THat doesn't mean I'm not protective of my kids, I just didn't want them traumatise them anymore than necessary and for that reason I wanted to speed up the risk assessments that would be done further down the line.
In my opinion that makes me a protective mother, who cares about the emotional wellbeing of her children.
----------
In regards to the therapy I would disagree with you and I think you should allow them to have therapy. Therapy can be hugely beneficial, where they can talk about their worries and fears. It must be unsettling for them that their dad isn't in their life anymore, whether they know the reason for it or not.
Hi,
I just wanted to add about the counselling, do they mean speaking to someone at school like having a safe space to talk? When we had ss involved my children both had someone at school where they could go to talk if they wanted to, some mornings they would just asked them a couple of questions nothing pushy or anything just general questions like how are you today? What makes you happy? Etc perhaps if you allowed this then they couldn't say anything about emotional abuse.. honestly it's nothing to worry about, we found both the children's schools extremely good with this they never once mentioned anything about their dad.
I just wanted to add about the counselling, do they mean speaking to someone at school like having a safe space to talk? When we had ss involved my children both had someone at school where they could go to talk if they wanted to, some mornings they would just asked them a couple of questions nothing pushy or anything just general questions like how are you today? What makes you happy? Etc perhaps if you allowed this then they couldn't say anything about emotional abuse.. honestly it's nothing to worry about, we found both the children's schools extremely good with this they never once mentioned anything about their dad.