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So our background is that husband was arrested for indecent images on kik July 2022 and released under investigation in August 2022. The police are twiddling their thumbs and haven't even looked at his forensic report yet, which they've had for over a year!
Social Services closed our case in August 2022. My husband is allowed to live with us if I supervise him at all times with the children.
My son, who wasn't even 2 years old yet at time of arrest, will be 4 in August and will start primary school in September.
I have to fill out some forms for him, which I habe to return to the school by May 22nd.
On the form it asks if my child ever had contact with the following professionals, and one of them is a social worker.
If I tick yes, I have to give further details in a box.
I'm utterly ashamed that I have to declare this crime and I fear that I will be looked down on even though I didn't commit the offence.
At the same time I know, although my children were never on a child in need plan or a child protection plan, that I have to declare it. Otherwise it will look very bad if and when they find out.
What would you write on this form? Also, will I be called into a meeting at school where I have to explain everything?
I'm feeling quite resentful and bitter, because once again I will be at the receiving end of any negative reaction. My husband won't be involved in school life, he won't do pickups and drop-offs, so he doesn't have to go through it.
I'm having very complex feelings around sending my child off to school anyway, as I was horrendously bullied all through secondary school.
Dealing with this on top of everything is too much for me to handle.
Social Services closed our case in August 2022. My husband is allowed to live with us if I supervise him at all times with the children.
My son, who wasn't even 2 years old yet at time of arrest, will be 4 in August and will start primary school in September.
I have to fill out some forms for him, which I habe to return to the school by May 22nd.
On the form it asks if my child ever had contact with the following professionals, and one of them is a social worker.
If I tick yes, I have to give further details in a box.
I'm utterly ashamed that I have to declare this crime and I fear that I will be looked down on even though I didn't commit the offence.
At the same time I know, although my children were never on a child in need plan or a child protection plan, that I have to declare it. Otherwise it will look very bad if and when they find out.
What would you write on this form? Also, will I be called into a meeting at school where I have to explain everything?
I'm feeling quite resentful and bitter, because once again I will be at the receiving end of any negative reaction. My husband won't be involved in school life, he won't do pickups and drop-offs, so he doesn't have to go through it.
I'm having very complex feelings around sending my child off to school anyway, as I was horrendously bullied all through secondary school.
Dealing with this on top of everything is too much for me to handle.
The nursery their at should inform the school and then normally a meeting will happen. It's horrible I recently had to go and explain it all again because the school have had new safe guarding leads and the old ones hadn't done it properly. The school should put a plan in place to safe guard your child and the others in the school. My oh isn't allowed on school grounds and I'm not allowed to take any photos/ videos of school productions without school consent
Hi
im not sure if this will help in your situation but our children have only been at their school since September 23. Recently I've had A LOT to do with school. I've kept them informed every step of the way and they have been amazing helping with any extra support they need with no judgment at all. They can see how well the children are cared for. I've been grateful for extra eyes on the children just in case they are struggling.
It has been the most embarrassing and horrendous thing I've had to tell anyone so I can really empathise with how you're feeling. But my aim has been to be a protective parent. It may be worth arranging a chat with school so you can explain face to face your situation and protective measures you have in place just in case social services do become involved later on down the line. If they do find out later and you haven't mentioned it, that could be a big concern for them xx
im not sure if this will help in your situation but our children have only been at their school since September 23. Recently I've had A LOT to do with school. I've kept them informed every step of the way and they have been amazing helping with any extra support they need with no judgment at all. They can see how well the children are cared for. I've been grateful for extra eyes on the children just in case they are struggling.
It has been the most embarrassing and horrendous thing I've had to tell anyone so I can really empathise with how you're feeling. But my aim has been to be a protective parent. It may be worth arranging a chat with school so you can explain face to face your situation and protective measures you have in place just in case social services do become involved later on down the line. If they do find out later and you haven't mentioned it, that could be a big concern for them xx
Hi,
I had a similar question on nursery intake forms. Due to the fact that I didn't know and trust them enough to keep things confidential I kept things very basic saying that ss were involved due to her father and when they closed the case. I have sole parental responsibility so I mentioned that too and felt that this information was enough as like you my partner won't do drop off or pick ups.
School is different in my view, they generally understand more of the confidentiality side of safeguarding. When the time comes for my daughter to go to school I will probably write something like this;
Her father was arrested and charged in July 2020 for a sexual communication offence. Ss involved August - October 2020, case closed with safety plan of supervised contact in place ready for daughters birth.
June 2022 ss case opened again to reevaluate safety plan, closed August 2022 with current safety plan in place.
In your situation I'd probably mention that no formal plan was considered appropriate by ss following their assessments. Maybe also add that as the investigation is still ongoing you anticipate another assessment from ss when it concludes but currently have no timescale for this. Perhaps get the name of the safeguarding lead for when the investigation is complete xxx
I had a similar question on nursery intake forms. Due to the fact that I didn't know and trust them enough to keep things confidential I kept things very basic saying that ss were involved due to her father and when they closed the case. I have sole parental responsibility so I mentioned that too and felt that this information was enough as like you my partner won't do drop off or pick ups.
School is different in my view, they generally understand more of the confidentiality side of safeguarding. When the time comes for my daughter to go to school I will probably write something like this;
Her father was arrested and charged in July 2020 for a sexual communication offence. Ss involved August - October 2020, case closed with safety plan of supervised contact in place ready for daughters birth.
June 2022 ss case opened again to reevaluate safety plan, closed August 2022 with current safety plan in place.
In your situation I'd probably mention that no formal plan was considered appropriate by ss following their assessments. Maybe also add that as the investigation is still ongoing you anticipate another assessment from ss when it concludes but currently have no timescale for this. Perhaps get the name of the safeguarding lead for when the investigation is complete xxx
Also to add to this, our knock came when my son moved from nursery to school so both have been involved. Again I would say the head has been amazing and so supportive, and I feel so unjudged by her (so much better than the nursery) as she had been through this before with another family many years ago.
The school will be involved in anything goes to court as SS will be back in your life so as hard and horrible it is, I would tell them now & also request a meeting with safeguarding lead or head to tell them the details face to face and what the current position is. This is not your crime remember.
If I ever need help or a shoulder to cry on I know she will be there for me. She has also said it is no problem for my husband to attend the school with my for parents evenings etc.
When we used to have CIN meetings all the schools would tell me how amazing the children were doing and that would make me cry even more!!!
The school will be involved in anything goes to court as SS will be back in your life so as hard and horrible it is, I would tell them now & also request a meeting with safeguarding lead or head to tell them the details face to face and what the current position is. This is not your crime remember.
If I ever need help or a shoulder to cry on I know she will be there for me. She has also said it is no problem for my husband to attend the school with my for parents evenings etc.
When we used to have CIN meetings all the schools would tell me how amazing the children were doing and that would make me cry even more!!!
Hello , im not much help with this as 2 of my children are already at school.
Im so grateful that our SW told the school what was going on (and also as they wanted to go in to speak to the children before doing our safety plan) and i got a call from the safeguarding lady who was absolutey amazing. I was lucky in the way that she is also a SEN lead so knew us as a family anyway as my little boy is on a sen plan at school. I was ashamed, embarrassed and appologised that i couldnt bring myself to tell them myself as i didnt know what to say, how to word it and also without minimizing what my OH had done but to try and explain i was standing by him etc and she couldnt of been more helpful. I also explained i was hurting and that SW being involved in our lives felt humilating at that time and they were people i never imagined would come into our lives.
she reasurred me and said she dealt with these cases in the past and she speaks to SW all the time for a number of different reasons (obvioulsy she couldnt disclose) so to not feel ashamed and that although she was shocked with what my OH did, she knew our children was cared for, happy and loved by both of us and she would support in anyway possible, i was then scared the teachers would find out and judge me and i was told it would only stay between the safeguarding team which was her and another member who also is amazing and the headteacher who to be fair has been great before all this happened and its never changed.
Then at the school run this morning, i was bumped into the safeguarding lead who also organises the school nursery places who told me they were going to ring me today to let me know my youngest daughter has been offered a place and because they know me and i know the nursery staff from my other 2 children that they dont need to come out to the home (their usual standard procedure) and id be invited to the nursey to show my daughter around.
im not sure if i am going to have to disclose to the nursery staff but i know if i cant bring myself too, i know id have thier support,
could you maybe speak to the safeguarding member at the school and explain what has happened and that your unsure about the forms? Maybe once safeguarding know then it may not be any meetings and if there is it could just be to go over things for records.
our investigtion is still ongoing but Sw has closed our case with a safety plan in place and wont reopen it now until we have a conclusion so its a relief i have someone in the school who knows our situation and can offload too (which i have about certain things in our assessment which is wrong and she rightfully agrees) so its always good to be open and honest with them and youll be the protective factor xxx
Im so grateful that our SW told the school what was going on (and also as they wanted to go in to speak to the children before doing our safety plan) and i got a call from the safeguarding lady who was absolutey amazing. I was lucky in the way that she is also a SEN lead so knew us as a family anyway as my little boy is on a sen plan at school. I was ashamed, embarrassed and appologised that i couldnt bring myself to tell them myself as i didnt know what to say, how to word it and also without minimizing what my OH had done but to try and explain i was standing by him etc and she couldnt of been more helpful. I also explained i was hurting and that SW being involved in our lives felt humilating at that time and they were people i never imagined would come into our lives.
she reasurred me and said she dealt with these cases in the past and she speaks to SW all the time for a number of different reasons (obvioulsy she couldnt disclose) so to not feel ashamed and that although she was shocked with what my OH did, she knew our children was cared for, happy and loved by both of us and she would support in anyway possible, i was then scared the teachers would find out and judge me and i was told it would only stay between the safeguarding team which was her and another member who also is amazing and the headteacher who to be fair has been great before all this happened and its never changed.
Then at the school run this morning, i was bumped into the safeguarding lead who also organises the school nursery places who told me they were going to ring me today to let me know my youngest daughter has been offered a place and because they know me and i know the nursery staff from my other 2 children that they dont need to come out to the home (their usual standard procedure) and id be invited to the nursey to show my daughter around.
im not sure if i am going to have to disclose to the nursery staff but i know if i cant bring myself too, i know id have thier support,
could you maybe speak to the safeguarding member at the school and explain what has happened and that your unsure about the forms? Maybe once safeguarding know then it may not be any meetings and if there is it could just be to go over things for records.
our investigtion is still ongoing but Sw has closed our case with a safety plan in place and wont reopen it now until we have a conclusion so its a relief i have someone in the school who knows our situation and can offload too (which i have about certain things in our assessment which is wrong and she rightfully agrees) so its always good to be open and honest with them and youll be the protective factor xxx
So that anyone reading this knows their rights, if it's at child in need level or below you can decline consent to share information between agencies - but you do need to let agencies holding your info such as social services know this as most are set up to share information and assume consent.
On a form such as this you can write that you are declining to inform them of matters of this nature. I appreciate it isn't necessarily a solution as it could throw up questions, but it is something you have a right to do.
For child protection and above your rights are more restricted due to safeguarding protocols
On a form such as this you can write that you are declining to inform them of matters of this nature. I appreciate it isn't necessarily a solution as it could throw up questions, but it is something you have a right to do.
For child protection and above your rights are more restricted due to safeguarding protocols
Hi, thanks everyone for your input xx
I've written on the form now: "case closed in August 2022, please contact me if any further details needed".
If and when they contact me, I will say something along the lines of "father was arrested in July 2022 and the police investigation is still ongoing. Ss closed the case with a safety plan in place. Case was never at child in need or child protection level"
What does everyone think? Is that enough information?
@Inthemoment: Can I refuse to give information about the nature of the offence at this point?
I've written on the form now: "case closed in August 2022, please contact me if any further details needed".
If and when they contact me, I will say something along the lines of "father was arrested in July 2022 and the police investigation is still ongoing. Ss closed the case with a safety plan in place. Case was never at child in need or child protection level"
What does everyone think? Is that enough information?
@Inthemoment: Can I refuse to give information about the nature of the offence at this point?
I think that sounds good. Are nursery aware of any ss involvement or was it before he started at nursery?
If they are aware they will most likely pass information on as part of their handover documents.
I suppose I'm looking at it in my situation from the perspective of we have to go back to ss in the future. In my head it makes it easier if the school are aware and have eyes on my child. Your case may never reopen with ss, post sentencing I received a phone call just asking if I was happy with the safety plan and the case was never formally reopened. I think if you know that your current plan will need to be changed down the line it may be better to disclose what the investigation is for if they ask for further information xxx
If they are aware they will most likely pass information on as part of their handover documents.
I suppose I'm looking at it in my situation from the perspective of we have to go back to ss in the future. In my head it makes it easier if the school are aware and have eyes on my child. Your case may never reopen with ss, post sentencing I received a phone call just asking if I was happy with the safety plan and the case was never formally reopened. I think if you know that your current plan will need to be changed down the line it may be better to disclose what the investigation is for if they ask for further information xxx
Thanks for your advice.
Nursery aren't aware - ss said they needed my consent to contact them.
I didn't give my consent and ss accepted that.
Because of that we haven't informed them.
I will inform school though as I can't lie on the form and they're likely to find out at some point anyway xx
Nursery aren't aware - ss said they needed my consent to contact them.
I didn't give my consent and ss accepted that.
Because of that we haven't informed them.
I will inform school though as I can't lie on the form and they're likely to find out at some point anyway xx