Family and Friends Forum

Hi

im so sorry your here with us. Our knock was February this year. Communicating with a decoy, one morning, highly sexualised, no pictures. He is also on bail but miles away, not allowed contact with the children.



Your situation sounds so awful to deal with to say the least! What our people have done is wrong but there are some absolutely horrible people out there who don't think about the impact it has on families and children!


sending hugs xx

Hi

i can empathise, my oh is my childrens step father but it's been so hard on them. He's much more of a parent than their bio dad. Fortunately ss haven't told him due to abuse we suffered at his hands and he has no contact but I know as soon as he finds out it will be absolute hell and it's terrifying to think about.



im definitely thinking about a solicitor for the children and I as we need protecting from this situation just as much as children online need protecting. Xx

I'm so sorry you have found yourself amongst us and absolutely horrified by the actions of his former partner. I can't begin to imagine how her actions have impacted you both. The journey is hard enough without this. Did your partner have a solicitor present at interview following arrest? We continued representation by the same firm provided as duty solicitors though I'm not convinced they did the best job.

I have read posts where they have asked the police for a marker to be placed on their property for security & safety. This could be beneficial if you are concerned. It may also be beneficial to speak to the helpline for guidance with regard to 'being asked to resign'. He is under investigation and not yet charged so therefore isn't guilty of anything legally. Whilst my husband was under investigation he remained employed but was suspended x

Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself here.
This is going to be marathon, not a sprint. Things will happen very slowly.
Im assuming your OH has admitted this and has done so to the Police also? If so, he will eventually be charged and sentenced. When he's sentenced there might be a reporter at the court who could report on the case. Then there's the Police FB socials etc where they also post about the case with all the details, not always but it happened to me. I'm so sorry but I don't think I'm doing you any favours by not telling you.
Regarding his job, my advice to your OH would be to email his work with the facts. Go from there.
I take it you've had Social Services visit? They are tricky and if you want your OH to be around your kids, you'll have to jump through quite a few hoops but there's no guarantees.
If guilty he will be placed in Sex Offenders register and for how long will depend on the charges and conviction. There will be various restrictions placed on him within that.
Im not sure what you can do about the ex. The Police won't be interested unless someone threatens you or something because of the rumours she's spreading.
Make sure you try to take care of yourself. You've just had the biggest shock. Make use of the Lucy Faithful Foundation help lines etc.

Wishing you all the very best. XX.

I cannot believe the actions of his ex. Did she not think of the implications on their child by spreading the story about?

I know it seems like the end of the world right now but it will get better given time. I like this journey as being on a rollercoaster - lots of ups and down. My lowest point was when my house was graffittied - I wanted to end it all.

I've just started counselling so I'm hoping this will make me feel more positive about my future.

Please look after yourself.

Oh Heartbreaking this is just awful for you. The situation is hard enough without people spreading rumours around.

From someone whose person was in the media on two occasions my suggestion is that you both just do what you feel able to do at the moment. My person initially felt unable to leave the house but with the help of his therapist has gradually increased the places he feels safe to go to and now has a range of places he can visit. Yes he still chooses to attend the gym and supermarkets in the evening but that's ok as it's what works for him.

I also suggest both of you reaching out to your GP's for support if you haven't already done so. Your OH's GP could sign him off sick and he could then say he does not currently have the capacity to make a balanced decision of whether to resign or not. That would give him time to work things through and seek advice.

I'm really sorry you have found yourself in this situation but we're here to help you though it.

I forgot to mention it is advisable to deactivate your social media accounts if you haven't already done so. It's damage limitation and best done sooner rather than later. It was one of the better things to come out of this nightmare as I don't intend on reactivating. Keep reaching out. You're not alone in this x