PO and offender manager
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We are almost at the end. I have completed the circles course and our SW wrote a safety plan with us moving forward which laid everything out to ensure our child's safety etc. But it meant we could go back to unsupervised and lead a fairly normal life.
We get to the (final) meeting and out of nowhere my husbands PO and offender manager disagree to being unsupervised, that it never happens etc. They have never said anything like this before, they know we have been working towards unsupervised.
Today they are holding a MAPPA meeting with our SW to try and convince them not to let him unsupervised. We are so lost. We have done everything and then some.
My husband has had a meeting with his PO and offender manager today with them talking at him and basically telling him he should never be unsupervised and lots of theoretical what if scenarios. (Online offence only and he still lives at home)
So now it is in the hands of our SW and their team, who have said they will fight for us, but I'm worried they will convince them to change everything.
When it came to my husband mentioning "my wife's human rights for her future to make sure I am supervised all the time" he was told tough because she decided to stay with you.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
We get to the (final) meeting and out of nowhere my husbands PO and offender manager disagree to being unsupervised, that it never happens etc. They have never said anything like this before, they know we have been working towards unsupervised.
Today they are holding a MAPPA meeting with our SW to try and convince them not to let him unsupervised. We are so lost. We have done everything and then some.
My husband has had a meeting with his PO and offender manager today with them talking at him and basically telling him he should never be unsupervised and lots of theoretical what if scenarios. (Online offence only and he still lives at home)
So now it is in the hands of our SW and their team, who have said they will fight for us, but I'm worried they will convince them to change everything.
When it came to my husband mentioning "my wife's human rights for her future to make sure I am supervised all the time" he was told tough because she decided to stay with you.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Hi,
not quite the same situation but my partners po was against me supervising contact inside homes so her recommendation was contact in the community. Our sw was able to push back on this and clear it with her manager that I supervise anywhere.
How old are your children? Have they given any information that backs up what they're saying? Is there anything in his latest risk assessment that they believe increases the risk specifically to your children? xxx
not quite the same situation but my partners po was against me supervising contact inside homes so her recommendation was contact in the community. Our sw was able to push back on this and clear it with her manager that I supervise anywhere.
How old are your children? Have they given any information that backs up what they're saying? Is there anything in his latest risk assessment that they believe increases the risk specifically to your children? xxx
My child is 6 and as far as I am aware as we haven't seen his risk assessment is mainly with regard to the age of our child relating to the age found on the device.
But it's all risk and statistics and theoretical scenarios. I understand and I'm not minimising that but I have worked incredibly hard to show I can protect and educate our child and recognise any triggers that could cause my husband to re-offend. I would never put my child in any danger. I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but I feel my rights as a mother, my human rights and my mental health are now being severely affected. Our family are incredibly helpful and support with supervision when they can, but they have lives too and when I'm home supervising I am essentially a prisoner in my own home. I can't go for a walk myself or go to the shop myself, to take time to myself unless my child is with me.
But it's all risk and statistics and theoretical scenarios. I understand and I'm not minimising that but I have worked incredibly hard to show I can protect and educate our child and recognise any triggers that could cause my husband to re-offend. I would never put my child in any danger. I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but I feel my rights as a mother, my human rights and my mental health are now being severely affected. Our family are incredibly helpful and support with supervision when they can, but they have lives too and when I'm home supervising I am essentially a prisoner in my own home. I can't go for a walk myself or go to the shop myself, to take time to myself unless my child is with me.
Yeah I feel the same, there is no support for me to allow me to recharge and have that space away from my little one.
They can't say that he can never be unsupervised due to age, statistics don't back up that way of thinking about/risk assessing the likelihood of contact offending. How long ago was his period of offending? You're obviously both aware of potential triggers and having done the breaking the cycle course myself I know that it has had a massive impact on my own awareness. Is there the potential within your circumstances to suggest a middle ground of your partner having unsupervised access in the community at least initially to build up to a normal family dynamic? Maybe see what the sw comes back with and if normal family life isn't an option right now due to pressure from po and offender manager then suggest that as a middle ground for now with a strong focus on using this time to monitor things.
Has your partner had access to the Horizon course? In my situation his po wanted him to complete that before I started to supervise him within a home environment. His final po was the one who received feedback on my partner's horizon course and she said she would support us in going back to ss for unsupervised and him moving back to the family home. The timing wasn't right for us as a family so she said she has written it into his end point Oasys assessment as he's now finished probation. Hopefully she was true to her word and when we go back to ss they will have access to this xxx
They can't say that he can never be unsupervised due to age, statistics don't back up that way of thinking about/risk assessing the likelihood of contact offending. How long ago was his period of offending? You're obviously both aware of potential triggers and having done the breaking the cycle course myself I know that it has had a massive impact on my own awareness. Is there the potential within your circumstances to suggest a middle ground of your partner having unsupervised access in the community at least initially to build up to a normal family dynamic? Maybe see what the sw comes back with and if normal family life isn't an option right now due to pressure from po and offender manager then suggest that as a middle ground for now with a strong focus on using this time to monitor things.
Has your partner had access to the Horizon course? In my situation his po wanted him to complete that before I started to supervise him within a home environment. His final po was the one who received feedback on my partner's horizon course and she said she would support us in going back to ss for unsupervised and him moving back to the family home. The timing wasn't right for us as a family so she said she has written it into his end point Oasys assessment as he's now finished probation. Hopefully she was true to her word and when we go back to ss they will have access to this xxx
Apologies for not responding sooner, it's been an incredibly emotional week.
Our SW came over today after attending the MAPPA meeting. SS are on our side now and are completely understanding of our situation, the work we've done etc. However, Police and probation will not agree to unsupervised, so SS hands are now tied because they have to be seen to be taking on board their advice. They are angry that police and probation have done a complete 180 and disagree with unsupervised even though they have always known we have been working towards this.
So, to sum up, SS cannot allow unsupervised and it will be for the foreseeable, until such a time our child is old enough for us to disclose the information to her or she turns 18. Even though we live under the same roof!
The Horizon course my husband is going to look into again but I believe he was unable to do it initially because he works on a 4 on 4 off rotating night shift.
I am emotionally broken and not sure what to do anymore or even if there is anything I can do now! Our SS is going to fight for is one last time, but they are going to be out of our lives soon because even they have said we cannot be in your lives any longer.
The plan is not law enforceable but I still want something in place I am happy to follow.
Our SW came over today after attending the MAPPA meeting. SS are on our side now and are completely understanding of our situation, the work we've done etc. However, Police and probation will not agree to unsupervised, so SS hands are now tied because they have to be seen to be taking on board their advice. They are angry that police and probation have done a complete 180 and disagree with unsupervised even though they have always known we have been working towards this.
So, to sum up, SS cannot allow unsupervised and it will be for the foreseeable, until such a time our child is old enough for us to disclose the information to her or she turns 18. Even though we live under the same roof!
The Horizon course my husband is going to look into again but I believe he was unable to do it initially because he works on a 4 on 4 off rotating night shift.
I am emotionally broken and not sure what to do anymore or even if there is anything I can do now! Our SS is going to fight for is one last time, but they are going to be out of our lives soon because even they have said we cannot be in your lives any longer.
The plan is not law enforceable but I still want something in place I am happy to follow.
They absolutely can go against it and still work together to safeguard your child.
If ss want to close your case you can write up your own safety plan which can include unsupervised. Inform ss that this is the plan you will be following and request that they write that up as part of them closing. They can put in there that po and offender manager disagree with this if they choose to but you have the final say. You have parental responsibility and ultimately it is your decision if you are cin or less.
Depending on how long it has been since your partner was unsupervised with your child you can do a staggered return to unsupervised and organise to meet with your child's school to see how they're coping every couple of months or so xxx
Edited to add that Horizon is court ordered so if it's not part of your partners sentence he won't have access to it xxx
If ss want to close your case you can write up your own safety plan which can include unsupervised. Inform ss that this is the plan you will be following and request that they write that up as part of them closing. They can put in there that po and offender manager disagree with this if they choose to but you have the final say. You have parental responsibility and ultimately it is your decision if you are cin or less.
Depending on how long it has been since your partner was unsupervised with your child you can do a staggered return to unsupervised and organise to meet with your child's school to see how they're coping every couple of months or so xxx
Edited to add that Horizon is court ordered so if it's not part of your partners sentence he won't have access to it xxx
Thank you, I will try that as my next attempt. I will probably use the same plan that SS wrote but just tweak a few other bits and add unsupervised in the community or something.
My only other concern is, even if I present them with a safety plan and tell them that is what I am going to follow, they can easily refuse it and present me with the plan that they expect me/us to follow?
My only other concern is, even if I present them with a safety plan and tell them that is what I am going to follow, they can easily refuse it and present me with the plan that they expect me/us to follow?
What are you on at the moment, child in need, child protection plan etc?
Ss can present their recommendations, you have parental responsibility so you can go against those recommendations. I'm not saying to recklessly go against them or to do it in a confrontational way. Ss were/are onboard with unsupervised meaning they have risk assessed and determined that your family should have a safety plan and then be closed to social services. You are not going into any of this blindly, you know the risks and how to mitigate them.
I will be using the unsupervised contact within the community as a stepping stone when we go back to ss aswell as a phased return to the family home. I've been told that this shows a child focused approach and adds to my capability to protect. If you write in unsupervised make sure you put a timeframe in there for if things go well or something along the lines of mother determines the pace of unsupervised contact xxx
Ss can present their recommendations, you have parental responsibility so you can go against those recommendations. I'm not saying to recklessly go against them or to do it in a confrontational way. Ss were/are onboard with unsupervised meaning they have risk assessed and determined that your family should have a safety plan and then be closed to social services. You are not going into any of this blindly, you know the risks and how to mitigate them.
I will be using the unsupervised contact within the community as a stepping stone when we go back to ss aswell as a phased return to the family home. I've been told that this shows a child focused approach and adds to my capability to protect. If you write in unsupervised make sure you put a timeframe in there for if things go well or something along the lines of mother determines the pace of unsupervised contact xxx
We were on Child protection from April 2023-Jan 2024 and been on CIN ever since.
This is what gets me, SS are on our side and angry about the situation and the SW wrote a robust plan. But Police and probation will not accept unsupervised so SS have said we can't put unsupervised on your plan.
It's put us on such an emotional roller coaster xxx
Also, add on to the fact that we live in the same home, so remaining unsupervised for the foreseeable is just ridiculous!
This is what gets me, SS are on our side and angry about the situation and the SW wrote a robust plan. But Police and probation will not accept unsupervised so SS have said we can't put unsupervised on your plan.
It's put us on such an emotional roller coaster xxx
Also, add on to the fact that we live in the same home, so remaining unsupervised for the foreseeable is just ridiculous!
Maybe you can politely decline any further involvement then. You can send your plan over and it's up to them whether they include it in their paperwork to close their involvement or not. You don't actually need to have anything written by them so if their suggestions for a safety plan doesn't align with what you want then you don't have to sign anything xxx
This is definitely something I will consider as well. I'm just really fearful of the consequences of declining their services, even though I know I can.
Thank you for reaching out, you've been incredibly helpful xxx
Thank you for reaching out, you've been incredibly helpful xxx
I know it's daunting but if they had concerns about your child you'd still be on cpp. I'm not sure about your relationship with your sw but it might be worth stating that you know it's a route that is available to you. Express that you've completed all the work necessary and feel that you've exhausted the help available from them and perhaps get her opinion xxx
They are very good at theoretical what if's!
My children were 12 and 14 when we first got The Knock. They were able to clearly articulate that they wanted to see their Dad in prison. His offences were online. We were told the children would have no contact whatsoever with him, no visits, no phone calls and no letters. It was devastating. In fact I'd go so far as to say that this did as much damage to my children as his crime.
When I visited my ex, I was staggered to see at least 20 very young children in the visiting hall all within a few feet of my ex! But my poor kids weren't allowed. When I asked why, the SW said, "He could be talking in code to them". Seriously???!
I really feel for you all. All the very best. Xx
My children were 12 and 14 when we first got The Knock. They were able to clearly articulate that they wanted to see their Dad in prison. His offences were online. We were told the children would have no contact whatsoever with him, no visits, no phone calls and no letters. It was devastating. In fact I'd go so far as to say that this did as much damage to my children as his crime.
When I visited my ex, I was staggered to see at least 20 very young children in the visiting hall all within a few feet of my ex! But my poor kids weren't allowed. When I asked why, the SW said, "He could be talking in code to them". Seriously???!
I really feel for you all. All the very best. Xx