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My husband and I are struggling immensely. His brother is the offender, he has 2 months until sentencing, we are expecting 5-10 years. My husband, while angry over the actions, is supportive of his brother, says he feels remorse and does not feel he is a threat to our 2 young children. I, however, feel completely opposite and want nothing to do with my brother-in-law.
In these coming 2 months, the family is understandably planning many events together, and I am struggling to "put on a brave face" and attend without showing my disgust. I want to be supportive of my husband but after almost 2 years of legal proceedings I feel I have nothing left to give. I have admittedly thought of divorce just so I could get away from the family, but the thought of being away from my children for any amount of time breaks my heart.
I need reassurance that I should be making these 2 months easier for my husband, despite my morals being incredibly compromised. I am so shattered that an act of someone outside my relationship has so deeply affected mine. Thank you for listening....
In these coming 2 months, the family is understandably planning many events together, and I am struggling to "put on a brave face" and attend without showing my disgust. I want to be supportive of my husband but after almost 2 years of legal proceedings I feel I have nothing left to give. I have admittedly thought of divorce just so I could get away from the family, but the thought of being away from my children for any amount of time breaks my heart.
I need reassurance that I should be making these 2 months easier for my husband, despite my morals being incredibly compromised. I am so shattered that an act of someone outside my relationship has so deeply affected mine. Thank you for listening....
Hi,
Have you had any support (counselling or lff courses)? I can completely understand your feelings and it is a very personal decision to each person involved. It's also important to recognise that the process is so similar to grief that individuals may well be at different stages.
Is your husband part of a large family? Is it possible to discreetly keep your distance at the gatherings so you're there to monitor your children and show your face but don't have to have direct contact?
If the expectation is a lengthy prison sentence then you have a period where you don't have to have contact in the near future xxx
Have you had any support (counselling or lff courses)? I can completely understand your feelings and it is a very personal decision to each person involved. It's also important to recognise that the process is so similar to grief that individuals may well be at different stages.
Is your husband part of a large family? Is it possible to discreetly keep your distance at the gatherings so you're there to monitor your children and show your face but don't have to have direct contact?
If the expectation is a lengthy prison sentence then you have a period where you don't have to have contact in the near future xxx
Whereas I completely understand your disgust, do you think you could get your husband onboard by wording it differently for now? Bringing children to his brother's vicinity will do no favours to his brother. It will expose him to more allegations. Additionally, are you fully sure he doesn't have bail conditions that state he cannot be around children anyways?
I think your feelings are entirely valid. If your brother in law is looking at 5/10 years, it must've have been a very serious crime indeed. The most important thing is for you and your husband to show you are protecting your children. Your husband of course has a right to support his brother but it's not fair to force your children to have contact with his brother. That said, it kind of depends on their age. If they are too young to understand and therefore too young to decide for themselves, it's up to their parents to do so. If they know what their uncle has done and they understand and want a relationship with him, that's slightly different. All the best to you all. Xx
Also, surely SS's etc have put restrictions on him with regard to being around children? You could ring SS's and ask for their advice. I think that's what I would do. Xx
I am going through a similar situation to you. Last Thursday I received a call from social services to say that my 10 month old daughter needed to be safeguarded and no unsupervised contact with my partners twin brother for reasons they weren't permitted to tell me.
I went into a state of shock, we've been no contact with my partners brother since March this year for a separate issue so in searching for answers we contacted my partners parents - they refused to tell us (keeping their sons secret) despite us begging and pleading with them for the sake of our baby girl (their granddaughter). Eventually I gave up and contacted the police directly myself in a last attempt to get answers, fully expecting to not get any where, however the officer investigating the case answered my questions.
He is currently under investigation for possession of a CAT C image - the offence happened back in August, however they did the 'knock' just last week. I am absolutely in horror and I don't want my daughter having anything to do with him for the next 18 years until she's an adult - in my decision I've been ostracised from my partners family, they've made me look like the bad one because I've stood up and said this isn't right.
I went into a state of shock, we've been no contact with my partners brother since March this year for a separate issue so in searching for answers we contacted my partners parents - they refused to tell us (keeping their sons secret) despite us begging and pleading with them for the sake of our baby girl (their granddaughter). Eventually I gave up and contacted the police directly myself in a last attempt to get answers, fully expecting to not get any where, however the officer investigating the case answered my questions.
He is currently under investigation for possession of a CAT C image - the offence happened back in August, however they did the 'knock' just last week. I am absolutely in horror and I don't want my daughter having anything to do with him for the next 18 years until she's an adult - in my decision I've been ostracised from my partners family, they've made me look like the bad one because I've stood up and said this isn't right.
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