Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

there are a couple of things to be addressed in your post. You are an adult and can make decisions about who you want to have contact with.
It sounds like ss are using scare tactics as no contact means no work for them. It is possible to safely manage contact with your children should you choose to. There is obviously a process to go through for this which will involve risk assessments etc. If your children's father has parental responsibility then ss will probably inform him that you want contact and that there is an investigation going on. I believe they can only disclose once charges are brought but I could be wrong xxx

Ok so it seems as though they are looking at your relationship as the main risk to your children. This is quite common because ss tend to have the way of thinking that mothers can be manipulated by the person they are in a relationship with. Whilst I understand that way of thinking especially as they will be paying close to attention every time a child is harmed or killed at the hand of someone their mother or father was in a relationship with.
What I would suggest that you do is contact the helpline as a starting point. They may be able to advise you on courses that you can do to improve your own awareness or what steps to take with ss.

From someone who has children from a previous relationship that don't want contact I will say it's an incredibly difficult situation to be in. We have a daughter together and I supervise contact with her. We are working on our relationship and whilst it's not a secret from my children it is like having two lives.
What do you see the future looking like in terms of the two of you? Why are you wanting contact? (that's not in any way a judgment, I just mean there is a difference between wanting contact for closure on your relationship and contact for the purpose of maintaining your relationship).

It may be easier for you long term if you ride the ss storm. Look up your local authority childrens services to see the threshold for each plan. Are your children aware of what's happening? Do school have any concerns? xxx

If you're looking to maintain a relationship then at some point ss will be involved again. As the investigation could be lengthy and you don't want your children around him at this time then you can say to ss that you will get back in touch with you should you want supervised contact or after sentencing whichever comes first.
It almost sounds like they sent someone from early help to answer your questions. See what happens in the next few days in terms of ss but having contact with him doesn't put your children at risk at all xxx

I know I've messaged you but thought I'd answer on here too. The 45 days refers to the length of time they have to conduct their initial assessment. All parties should be aware of the concerns and it should be led by the lead social worker.

I wouldn't bother calling them on Monday to be honest. I understand the need for all the answers but they have their own timescales and they're not the fastest. When they next contact you ask for the sw email address so you can email your understanding of each meeting along with any points you'd like clarification on xxx